Feeling guilty about sending DS to private school

[Anonymous]

I feel you. I had the same feeling last August taking my daughter from her wonderful public school. No regrets now, a year later!
The only thing which still bothers me - she is an outsider now for all neighborhood/local school events.

[Anonymous]

My parents ridicule us for sending ours to private, too. It is hurtful, but you have to let it roll off your back. You are doing the right thing for your child, and that's what matters. For what it's worth, this internet stranger thinks you're doing a great job.

[Anonymous]

My family complained that i got into " fancy" schools for college and graduate school, and now are on my case for sending my kids to private. I just try to ignore them. I do believe its important to keep your kid involved in neighborhood friendships and activities. You can do this through girl scouts, a church or synagogue, a neighborhood swim team, or club sports that involve neighborhood kids. Help your child stay friends with public school by scheduling get togethers. Facebook is great for staying in touch. If your kid drops his/her neighborhood friends you risk letting them live in bubble and loose perspective about money and other things.

[Anonymous]

I'm in Wootton cluster and get a lot of negative feedback from neighbors, one of whom is a teacher at the local elementary school. Which is a great elementary school. But the school I chose for my son is what's best for him. That's really all there is to it.

[Anonymous]

Op, you shouldn't have to put up with family/friends being rude. Next time something is said, be firm, "I don't want to hear any more about our private school decision" AND THEN don't talk about "the decision" either. Realize you have put a wedge between your family and other families, you just have. You will lose some friends and some neighbors will not feel as close to you. You have decided it is worth it. Own the decision. I'm sure you'll feel more comfortable as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public school teacher here. My ex is a public school teacher. Our kid goes to private on scholarship. No guilt. Maybe if MCPS paid me enough to buy a house in a better pyramid.

Another public school teacher with kids in private. Anyone judging you should get over it.

I'm a private school teacher with kids in public, but I agree 100%.

Do what's right for you kid.

[Anonymous]

I reframed my thinking a bit on this issue now that we are sending a child to private to avoid feeling guilty about spending the money/ people judging you for spending so much money on private school---for me, I work full time and sending my kid to private is equivalent to working part time. I know LOTS of mothers who started working part time once they had kids and have never heard anyone judge them because of economic impact. So, I figure its the same as if I was working part time, or had worked part time all those years up until now. Don't look back and just focus on your family.

[Anonymous]

I know several MCPS teachers who send their children to private school.

[Anonymous]

I make under 6 figures and am thankful I can pay for our private school (for now, anyway). Guilt has never crossed my mind...

[Anonymous]

Just to let you know, we are about half your income and we have 2 girls. One goes to private and I initially felt that way but now it is the complete opposite. I feel guilty for sending the other to public. It has only been 2 years but it is night and day in education, ratios, community-feel, overall child happiness, energy in the school etc.... It is quite obvious my child going to public is in a sea of kids getting tested and tested again all while not seeing actual tests or getting feedback, getting P's and no comments. Little improvement. Don't even get me started on 2.0 math. It is a joke.

I am sending her until 3rd or 4th (she is in 2nd) and then I really hope I can send them both to private. We have been so happy there. I never talk about it to other public school parents but if they ask, I can't help but tell them the differences.

Don't worry. You made the right decision!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I reframed my thinking a bit on this issue now that we are sending a child to private to avoid feeling guilty about spending the money/ people judging you for spending so much money on private school---for me, I work full time and sending my kid to private is equivalent to working part time. I know LOTS of mothers who started working part time once they had kids and have never heard anyone judge them because of economic impact. So, I figure its the same as if I was working part time, or had worked part time all those years up until now. Don't look back and just focus on your family.

Or parents that spend money on expensive car leases, houses with 5-6 bedrooms with only 1-2 kids, country club memberships, multiple vacations, gym memberships, expensive shoes, purses and name brand clothing.

I find that someone wants to judge me on spending money on private school, I am quick to point out that we have no car loans, a modest house, no memberships, take simple frugal vacations and I can't even tell you the last time I purchases a piece of clothing, purse or shoe over $70. My child's education is more important to me than a Lexus car lease or a LV bag.

[Anonymous]

Can you lean into the joke/remarks and say the name of the school in a snooty way, to steal her thunder?

I went to Harvard for grad school and was told by my family I must have low self-esteem if I needed a label that badly. (Nobody in my family attended law school, grad school, medical school, etc., and "professional students" were mocked at my dinner table.)

I like to say "HAHHHVAHHD" the few times that period of time in my life comes up, and beat them to the punch. Then when I speak to other people about it, if my family is there, they kind of see what it was for me.

Incidentally, I also went to BC. In Massachusetts on job interviews people loved to talk about BC. They made jokes about Harvard, but 99% of the time I got the job.

For your child, if your income is what you say, this is how you plan to spend about 10% of your salaries. You can afford that. You are your child's best advocate.

If you can, make a point of treating your in-laws who have careers in education with respect, and ask about their expertise, or what books they suggest for your kid. That may be the underlying issue for your extended family.

My nephew attends a small private school and he really needs the class size and help with stress. He's seen as a rock star for some of his gifts (music, for one) and I'm delighted for him. I understand why his parents made that choice and we talked about their process in choosing a school. Maybe you could use a little support from that side of the family, but for you, you and your spouse should just present a united front and do what is best for your child.

Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Luckily, no one in my family has ever gone to a public school. (Even the very poor ones went to regular Catholic Schools -- nothing fancy -- but still not public).

I get why people who can't afford it go to public schools. The ones I don't get are the ones who spend money on fancy mansions and cars and then send their kids to whatever public schools are in their neighborhoods. Seems like weird values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I reframed my thinking a bit on this issue now that we are sending a child to private to avoid feeling guilty about spending the money/ people judging you for spending so much money on private school---for me, I work full time and sending my kid to private is equivalent to working part time. I know LOTS of mothers who started working part time once they had kids and have never heard anyone judge them because of economic impact. So, I figure its the same as if I was working part time, or had worked part time all those years up until now. Don't look back and just focus on your family.

Or parents that spend money on expensive car leases, houses with 5-6 bedrooms with only 1-2 kids, country club memberships, multiple vacations, gym memberships, expensive shoes, purses and name brand clothing.

I find that someone wants to judge me on spending money on private school, I am quick to point out that we have no car loans, a modest house, no memberships, take simple frugal vacations and I can't even tell you the last time I purchases a piece of clothing, purse or shoe over $70. My child's education is more important to me than a Lexus car lease or a LV bag.

Great answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Luckily, no one in my family has ever gone to a public school. (Even the very poor ones went to regular Catholic Schools -- nothing fancy -- but still not public).

I get why people who can't afford it go to public schools. The ones I don't get are the ones who spend money on fancy mansions and cars and then send their kids to whatever public schools are in their neighborhoods. Seems like weird values.

Perhaps the fancy mansion neighborhoods have good public schools.