When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?

[Anonymous]

I think it depends a lot on the people. If you're older and (usually) more mature, confident in knowing who you are and what you want, relationships tend to progress much quicker (including moving in together, with a happy and positive result)

Younger people tend to be more immature, and also more idealistic/unrealistic of what to expect when moving in with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After you are engaged.

When you live together, you are less proactive about a marriage choice than you would be if you made the choice from a logistically simpler, independent place. In other words, it becomes easier to marry than not - even if that easier choice is the wrong one for you.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?_r=0

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-science-of-cohabitation-a-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/

Interesting articles. I have a niece (age ~24) who has slid into living with her boyfriend (~32) over the last year or so. No plans to marry. They'd broken up and reconciled twice before moving in together. It has bad ending written all over it and everyone can see it but her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After you are engaged.

When you live together, you are less proactive about a marriage choice than you would be if you made the choice from a logistically simpler, independent place. In other words, it becomes easier to marry than not - even if that easier choice is the wrong one for you.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?_r=0

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-science-of-cohabitation-a-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/

I agree with this, not living together until engaged (and for us, about 6 weeks before the wedding) was the right step for me. I'm a liberal atheist, but it just made sense to me and I didn't want the logistical headaches of breaking up if we lived together. Marriage was important to me though and I wouldn't have been happy co-habitating for years on end.

Now that I've been married a few years, I still feel like it was a good choice.

[Anonymous]

16:55 here and I recall reading "slide vs decide" stuff too when we were dating. VERY helpful and I think a really good way to frame the conversation whether you believe in living together while dating or not. Slide vs decide really applies to a lot of things in life, doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

If you do want to get married, then moving in after an engagement is good.

signed,

Someone who moved in with a boyfriend at age 31 and hung around in a dead end relationship for 3 years, because moving is not just a hassle but I also felt committed to try to make it work. Would have walked after a year if I had been in my own place. When I met now DH, I made it clear no living together until engagement. We met in October, engaged the following october.

[Anonymous]

Never. Only a fool plays "house" with a man and gives all the benefits of a wife without being a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never. Only a fool plays "house" with a man and gives all the benefits of a wife without being a wife.

I agree. Only a fool allows a woman to move into his home, ring or no ring.

[Anonymous]

While I did not live with my DH prior to marriage, I had friends who did and all of them said that living together was not the same as marriage.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it! If you want marriage, please go and enjoy having your own place beforehand. If you guys marry, you'll have him next to you for a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

I lived together with a boyfriend in my mid-twenties. All the responsibilities and hassles of cohabitation with none of the perks of marriage. When we broke up, I had to find a new place to live.

I know everyone's different but I do not recommend moving in together until you're engaged, with a set wedding date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I'm definitely against moving in with a guy who I am not going to marry. I'm interested in marriage at this point in my life and the bf is aware of that. But I want to get my own apartment first, so the move in process is at least one year away

Then do not move in until you are engaged with a ring and a wedding date! Seriously. I am living with someone now. He is ready to commit and I am not sure and the fact that we live together is really muddying my decision making process. Don't do it. Wait till you are engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do want to get married, then moving in after an engagement is good.

signed,

Someone who moved in with a boyfriend at age 31 and hung around in a dead end relationship for 3 years, because moving is not just a hassle but I also felt committed to try to make it work. Would have walked after a year if I had been in my own place. When I met now DH, I made it clear no living together until engagement. We met in October, engaged the following october.

Oh my god this is me right now. Need to move out.

[Anonymous]

Agree with everyone. Don't do it. I waited and it was absolutely the right decision. I wanted my dh to make a decision about moving our relationship forward not just a bandaid. And I anyways said to everyone who questioned it that at the end of the day I'd there was something about the way I did dishes that made my dh not want to marry me or vice versa (and that we wouldn't try to improve on whatever that was and work through it) then the relationship wasn't strong enough for marriage anyway.

[Anonymous]

When you get married.

Like PP, I stayed extra years in a dead-end relationship because I had let her move in very early on and ending that was then a Thing That Needed To Be Dealt With. I've often wished I could have the end of my 20s and beginning of 30s back, relationship-wise, but it is what it was.

[Anonymous]

You will know when the time is right.

Like you stated, all relationships are completely different as well as highly unique of one another. It is difficult to make a hard and fast timeline about moving in together.

It sounds to me as if you are not ready to take the plunge and that is okay. Do not let your peers pressure into doing something you are not 100% ready for.

Take your time. All good things come to those who wait.