Would you be offended?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP,

They did not acknowledge your child's birthday in any way? In that case, they probably forgot. Which is really not cool, since they're parents themselves and know that the first birthday is important. They're probably really busy with their lives, work, kids. But it doesn't excuse them.

There's nothing you can do but let it go. However, I would be offended.

OP here. Nope. My brother got defensive when I mentioned it after the fact and argued we weren't that close and I never bothered with his kids birthday (literally not true, there are pictures of me with those kids when they turned 1. I was elated for them.).

I am guessing they forgot as well. I just wished they apologized genuinely instead of arguing.

I think this is the concerning part. If that's the way things are you should figure that they don't want big birthday celebrations on either side and let it go. Or you can tell them that this is really important to you to try to get them to see, but you can't make them care sadly. And it's easy to say your close. Ignore the words. Listen to their actions, which are speaking quite loudly here.

PP again. But yes, I would be offended, especially that they forgot about the effort you put in with their kids.

[Anonymous]

It sounds almost like you haven't acknowledged his kids since the first birthday.

Wrong. I traveled up regularly until those kids were 8 (I was a flight attendant). I stopped traveling up when I left the airline (I was a poor grad student) but still sent presents/cards and called the kids. I call the kids' cell phones now and text funny texts to wish them a happy day (I also keep in touch with them regularly that way).

I had kids 12 years after them, so they are in the teen years. So I am guessing they forgot and didn't think it was a big deal, but it was hurtful. I just wanted a gut check about whether I was crazy or whether this is totally normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. You don't know what may be going on with them.

Agree. Life gets crazy and it dropped off their radar. It's really not worth getting bent out of shape over.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get where you're coming from - I'm bummed about how absentee some of my siblings are, given how excited they always said they'd be to have a niece or nephew. But I've adjusted my expectations and just leave the door open for them to engage when they want to.

I don't think you're wrong to feel hurt or disappointed, but I do think you were wrong to put your brother on the spot for it.

[Anonymous]

Either way let it go. There's nothing you can say or do that isn't going to make you look like a nut and them not still look simply forgetful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your brother or SIL (who looooooooooooooves to call you "just like a sister) didn't send a card or call on your son's first birthday, particularly when you've either traveled to celebrate his kids' birthdays or sent cards/presents and called? I am trying to get a gut check here about whether I should be offended or should just let it go.

Expectations are a resentment waiting to happen.

Giving with expectation of receiving isn't giving...it's a trade.

And if one feels like the relationship is unbalanced don't harbor resentments...fix it, accept it or change what you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your brother or SIL (who looooooooooooooves to call you "just like a sister) didn't send a card or call on your son's first birthday, particularly when you've either traveled to celebrate his kids' birthdays or sent cards/presents and called? I am trying to get a gut check here about whether I should be offended or should just let it go.

Expectations are a resentment waiting to happen.

Giving with expectation of receiving isn't giving...it's a trade.

And if one feels like the relationship is unbalanced don't harbor resentments...fix it, accept it or change what you do.

+1 My brother has never sent me or my children a card or a present. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love them or isn't generous--he just doesn't do that. If you happen to be around, he will definitely celebrate with you.

I used to be great about remembering birthdays and anniversaries for my immediate family. Then I got married and everyone started having kids. I just couldn't keep up with it so I stopped doing it unless I was attending a party and could bring something personally. I do call people up if I have a chance to wish them a happy birthday.

[Anonymous]

Nobody cares about your kids as much as you do. Realize this now.