Redshirted and regretted it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This addresses the inverse (or perhaps more correctly the converse?) of your question. I know of someone who did not red-shirt and has always regretted it.

How come?

The boy was a late September birthday, barely made the cut-off for his year. He was a bright kid, but A) was on the small side and B) had a really Type A older sibling. Children sometimes react as much to their birth order as they do to their peers. So between the older sib already filling the "academic star" role the younger one probably didn't try as hard as he might have otherwise. And then since he was on the small side he didn't really find a niche in athletics either. It wasn't until high school when he had a big growth spurt that he passed his peers in size, but by then he didn't really see himself as either academic or athletic (though he had PLENTY of innate talent to have been either or both). He was sort of in the wrong place at the wrong time as far as the school year went and it was a cycle that perpetuated itself. He eventually dropped out of high school and got his GED. He then enrolled in Community College, and moved up to a State University and graduated with a 4-year degree but he had to learn the hard way how to be confident in himself. Did you know only about 4% of high school drop outs go on to get 4-year university degrees? Daunting. Meanwhile his older sibling got a Ntl. Merit and attended an elite university (so it's not as if the raw genetics and disciplined upbringing weren't there). It would have been so much easier for him if he had grown up with a lot of that confidence built in.

He's my younger brother, so I know his story pretty well. He's also successful in what he does now - it didn't ruin his life. It made it a LOT harder though. More than you could ever know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those keeping track at home, the current tally of regretted redshirts is zero.

We somewhat regret it. I say "somewhat" because it's not the end of the world, but it wasn't the right decision. Our son is right at the cutoff and he's pretty small even for his age. We considered him kind of immature, but I now wonder whether other kids are the same at home, and frankly, another year in pre-k isn't changing his maturity much. Meanwhile all of his pre-k classmates moved on to big-kid schools and he didn't. They still do play dates and now there really IS a big difference between them because they're all going through the same experience as each other (though at a few different elementary schools) and he's still in the same pre-k, with the class that was behind them. I've noticed that after play dates with them, and after soccer, which we all do together, he can regress a little bit, and get kind of clingy and babyish, and I wonder if it's because we sent him a clear signal that he was not as ready to grow up as they were. And he actually asked me why he stayed at preschool and they went to big-kid schools. Now I feel like I've got my work cut out for me trying to show him that he should have confidence in himself. We didn't show confidence in him when we made our choice, and he knows it.

All in all, he's not going to die of redshirting, but I realize that it was mostly about our own insecurities about our little guy growing up or getting lost in the shuffle, and not about his abilities, or even about how easy or hard kindergarten would be. It was a mistake and I've already told a friend with a younger child not to do it unless she's sure that he would not be able to handle K for at least another year.

Your comments are very poignant. I appreciate your honesty in assessing the situation as well as sharing your experience, especially as others here may draw insights. Best of luck to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those keeping track at home, the current tally of regretted redshirts is zero.

We somewhat regret it. I say "somewhat" because it's not the end of the world, but it wasn't the right decision. Our son is right at the cutoff and he's pretty small even for his age. We considered him kind of immature, but I now wonder whether other kids are the same at home, and frankly, another year in pre-k isn't changing his maturity much. Meanwhile all of his pre-k classmates moved on to big-kid schools and he didn't. They still do play dates and now there really IS a big difference between them because they're all going through the same experience as each other (though at a few different elementary schools) and he's still in the same pre-k, with the class that was behind them. I've noticed that after play dates with them, and after soccer, which we all do together, he can regress a little bit, and get kind of clingy and babyish, and I wonder if it's because we sent him a clear signal that he was not as ready to grow up as they were. And he actually asked me why he stayed at preschool and they went to big-kid schools. Now I feel like I've got my work cut out for me trying to show him that he should have confidence in himself. We didn't show confidence in him when we made our choice, and he knows it.

All in all, he's not going to die of redshirting, but I realize that it was mostly about our own insecurities about our little guy growing up or getting lost in the shuffle, and not about his abilities, or even about how easy or hard kindergarten would be. It was a mistake and I've already told a friend with a younger child not to do it unless she's sure that he would not be able to handle K for at least another year.

Your comments are very poignant. I appreciate your honesty in assessing the situation as well as sharing your experience, especially as others here may draw insights. Best of luck to you and your family.

One comment on this -- (I was not either of the PPs). This person is posting during the child's "repeat" year (in preschool). Her child hasn't gotten to K yet. My suspicion is that if you do redshirt, that the repeat year is going to be the toughest. I'm not trying to undermine the OP's thoughts or concerns... only saying I wonder how she'll feel about her decision in a year or two.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who has two boys and red-shirted the younger one. In her words "best decision I ever made."

[Anonymous]

So do they ask, "Mommy why is Bobby two years older than me but three years ahead of me in school?"

[Anonymous]

If a child is pushed ahead or held back because of their birth date or size, most will move on just fine regardless. However, because of the very few that don't respond well to the choice made for them, we all freak out about it. the chances of it being a "wrong" decision is slim.
But it would be worse to have to hold a child back when all his friends move forward and have to explain to them why than it is to have to push them ahead becuase they are so much "smarter". Having a child who is bored in kindergarten is much easier problem than having a child lost and unable to keep up with his peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those keeping track at home, the current tally of regretted redshirts is zero.

We somewhat regret it. I say "somewhat" because it's not the end of the world, but it wasn't the right decision. Our son is right at the cutoff and he's pretty small even for his age. We considered him kind of immature, but I now wonder whether other kids are the same at home, and frankly, another year in pre-k isn't changing his maturity much. Meanwhile all of his pre-k classmates moved on to big-kid schools and he didn't. They still do play dates and now there really IS a big difference between them because they're all going through the same experience as each other (though at a few different elementary schools) and he's still in the same pre-k, with the class that was behind them. I've noticed that after play dates with them, and after soccer, which we all do together, he can regress a little bit, and get kind of clingy and babyish, and I wonder if it's because we sent him a clear signal that he was not as ready to grow up as they were. And he actually asked me why he stayed at preschool and they went to big-kid schools. Now I feel like I've got my work cut out for me trying to show him that he should have confidence in himself. We didn't show confidence in him when we made our choice, and he knows it.

All in all, he's not going to die of redshirting, but I realize that it was mostly about our own insecurities about our little guy growing up or getting lost in the shuffle, and not about his abilities, or even about how easy or hard kindergarten would be. It was a mistake and I've already told a friend with a younger child not to do it unless she's sure that he would not be able to handle K for at least another year.

Your comments are very poignant. I appreciate your honesty in assessing the situation as well as sharing your experience, especially as others here may draw insights. Best of luck to you and your family.

One comment on this -- (I was not either of the PPs). This person is posting during the child's "repeat" year (in preschool). Her child hasn't gotten to K yet. My suspicion is that if you do redshirt, that the repeat year is going to be the toughest. I'm not trying to undermine the OP's thoughts or concerns... only saying I wonder how she'll feel about her decision in a year or two.

And again when puberty hits (and being a year behind really stinks for boys).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do they ask, "Mommy why is Bobby two years older than me but three years ahead of me in school?"

My son's pre-k classmate got held back and I've been asked why he couldn't go to kindergarten. My son's birthday is only one month before the other kid's, so age doesn't seem like the best answer.

I don't think that there are likely to be big-time harm, but I think that's the point: kids aren't actually going to be traumatized by having a slightly steeper learning curve in kindergarten, really. Probably aren't scarred by getting left behind either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do they ask, "Mommy why is Bobby two years older than me but three years ahead of me in school?"

No. He's smart enough to have figured out there's a wide range of birthdays in his class. And he's hardly the only summer b-day boy at his Georgetown school!

[Anonymous]

Having a child who is bored in kindergarten is much easier problem than having a child lost and unable to keep up with his peers.

But there are two levels of readiness, the academic and the social. A teacher can probably a challenge a kid who is academically a year ahead of the rest of the class. But it's not much fun being a year ahead of all your classmates in terms of social development. Who wants to play with his little brother all the time?