Do you ask your teenager if they are having sex?

[Anonymous]

No there yet, but I fully plan to speak frankly with my kids and ask them that question. Basically, they shouldn't feel pressured to do it just because their friends do, but when they feel ready, I am available to get them protection and support them in a non-judgemental way. This is what my good friend did with her children (boy and girl), and it worked out well. They have a trusting relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP - No matter how "good" parents might feel about safe sex practices being practiced, just realize that these measures do not preclude the transmittal of STDs and just how would you like a son or daughter to have to go through explaining that reality to every new partner in their dating lives? Also, you also have to be ready no matter what a teen says to also here "Mom--- we were doing everything right, but Mary is pregnant?" Now what would your response to either situation be after the "safe sex talk" and the silent OK that this was just great.

So... you are saying that you forbid your teenager from having sex? How is that working out for you?

[Anonymous]

Should you assume - yes (best to error on the affirmative just in case)
Should you ask - no
I would keep condoms it the hall closet/bathroom. Wherever you keep extra shampoo, soap, that type of stuff. Out in the open and plenty so it doesn't seem like you're counting.

I always thought if a couple was mature enough to have sex, they were mature enough to walk in and buy their own birth control. Unfortunately, not every community makes that as easy as they use to.

Having said all of this though, I would discourage opportunities that you have control over.
Stay is general contact w/the girlfriend's parents. Sorry they don't share info when they will be out-of-town. That would be helpful.

Know that it's a very good thing if their early sexual experiences is with someone they care about (hopefully love at the time), even if at a young age.

I'm of the mindset that most young couples plan. If a teen is generally reckless, that's a different story - but that would be known by a history of other reckless behavior.

[Anonymous]

If you are uncomfortable with the amount of freedom that your son has (lots of unsupervised private time w/girlfriend), you can restrict his freedom. Obviously if you are giving him a long leash you must think that he is ready to look out for himself and his own best interests. If that is not the case you need to reevaluate how long that leash is.

[Anonymous]

Assume he is having sex with his girlfriend and remind him about same sex practices the way you remind him to wear a seatbelt and not to forget his hat in the sun. But don't ask.

He is nearly an adult, will be going off to college in a year, and sounds like a responsible and good kid.

[Anonymous]

OP here and thanks everyone.

To the PP who said I should restrict his freedom - no, I would never do that. He is a good kid who does great in school and works hard. Between studying, sports and activities he has precious little time to kick back with his friends and girlfriend.

To the PP who said I shouldn't ask a question I really didn't want to hear the answer to - yes, I agree.

And to the PP who wished she hadn't asked the question due to the very mature and responsible response of, "Yes, Mom, but don't worry because I always use a condom and Mary is on the pill." I think your son is adorable and you did a great job raising him! He shared a very private part of his life with his mother (he could have lied) and was concerned with your worrying about his health and future.

I am not going to ask DS and just assume that he and his girlfriend are in a sexual relationship. DH always talks to him and reminds him about safe sex practices and I will just do the same.

Thank you for the responses!

[Anonymous]

18 year old DS has never had sex and has zero desire to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18 year old DS has never had sex and has zero desire to.

That's okay, too. He is too young to think of it as a problem yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18 year old DS has never had sex and has zero desire to.

That's okay, too. He is too young to think of it as a problem yet.

what do you mean exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18 year old DS has never had sex and has zero desire to.

That's okay, too. He is too young to think of it as a problem yet.

Ummm really zero desire to do so? I would be worried about that!

[Anonymous]

Um, no, I'm not worried. My kids talk to me, and we have discussed that I will never get angry or annoyed with them making choices for themselves. With that said, I ave recommended that they use 3 or 4 methods of contraception when they start!

[Anonymous]

I also suggest that if they are ready to have sex they are also prepared to accept the responsibility of raising a child, if it comes to it.

[Anonymous]

Don't forget to also talk about "no means no", not forcing yourself on someone, not taking advantage of a drunk person, or not letting other people take advantage of a person who is incapacitated. These are also important discussions that should be had during the safe sex talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also suggest that if they are ready to have sex they are also prepared to accept the responsibility of raising a child, if it comes to it.

Very few adults who are having sex are ready to accept the responsibility of raising a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't forget to also talk about "no means no", not forcing yourself on someone, not taking advantage of a drunk person, or not letting other people take advantage of a person who is incapacitated. These are also important discussions that should be had during the safe sex talk.

Yes. Just saw a play put on by high school students called Slut: The Play. Consent education is important.