How should I handle this?

[Anonymous]

My hubby texts with female coworker a lot and I'm never bothered by it but I can say without question if he texted her he *wished* he could have drinks to discuss something I would be upset.

I would just tell him you saw it and asks what if anything it means to him.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you that I'm a single female, reasonably attractive. I work with a lot of guys. I text back and forth with one of them fairly often; we also socialize outside of work sometimes, with kids or without. He's divorced now, but when he was married, there was never anything going on. (there is nothing going on now that he's single either.) I imagine something we've texted could be misconstrued at some point.

Sometimes women and men are just friends. Often women and men are just friends. Sure, there's a possibility something is going on here, but maybe/probably not.

[Cogiteur]

Anonymous wrote:I think he was testing the waters and she turned him down. That's how it sounds to me...

Exactly what I was thinking. But would he have a) followed through, and if so, b) attempted to escalate things beyond drinks? We can only speculate. Maybe he would have just enjoyed the thrill of knowing she accepted, and left it at that. Or maybe he would have met her for drinks, justified it by talking some shop, enjoyed the company of a beautiful woman, and then called it a night. Maybe he would have even told you about it, and maybe you would have had some of the best sex in years when he got home.

Look, I don't care who you are - male or female, married or unmarried - everyone wants to believe they've still got it. People test the waters every day, but that doesn't mean they have alterior motives.

(Though sometimes they do ... )

[Anonymous]

Just the mere fact that he suggested they "meet up for drinks" is huge red flag.

For a man to ask another woman out for drinks, implies much more than business talk. He basically asked her out on a date.

This is completely unacceptable to me. He is a married father of two PLUS she has a boyfriend.

It seems to me as if he tried to cross some line, she rejected him (good for her!), so now he is doing things more on her terms.

I wouldn't be too happy knowing my husband asked another woman out for drinks. When if she accepted? Then after getting a little tipsy from the drinks, she suggested they sleep together? Alcohol lowers inhibitions a lot and I highly doubt he would deny her.

Why would he even put himself in such a situation if he didn't have any intentions?

Your marriage may be in more trouble than you realize.

[Anonymous]

I think men and women can definitely be friends and nothing more, however, my spouse did leave me for a coworker (who I absolutely did not think would be affair material). Instead of focusing on your DH's interactions with his coworker (I would be watchful at this point, but not freak out), do a relationship inventory of you and DH. Where are you guys at-does he feel loved? Do you feel loved? Do you have fun together? Do you have a sexual spark (that you act upon)? Have a conversation with him about your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he was testing the waters and she turned him down. That's how it sounds to me...

That is the way I saw it.

[Anonymous]

Given what I'm seeing, you bringing it up now would just be seen as being harpyish, either because he feels guilty about having impure thoughts or because he really was thinking "work work work" and wasn't thinking "let me get her drunk so I can bang her."

A lot is determined by whatever your marriage has tolerated in the past.

You may want to suggest a double date if he and this coworker are talking more than he has with previous co-workers ... I wonder what her BF is thinking of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he was testing the waters and she turned him down. That's how it sounds to me...

That is the way I saw it.

I am not a jealous type at all and I was originally going to scoff at this interpretation. And then I went back and read the wording of the texts. I'm assuming you are, in fact, giving exact quotes.

It's a bit weird. What if she said yes? He's going to go out and meet her for drinks that very night to bitch about a co-worker? On a random weeknight while you're at home and your kids are in bed. What is he saying to you if this scenario plays out? It just doesn't add up to a situation with innocent motives.

I would say something to him and clear the air.