If you and DH work late, how do you manage extracurricular activities?
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Anonymous
| LEAN OUT. |
Anonymous
| We stopped SACC and started with an after school nanny in 3rd grade. They need more structures homework time, and extracurriculars are also easier. We've had good luck getting girls from GMU or NOVA to meet the bus and work 10-15 hours a week. At $15-20 an hour it also costs less than SACC. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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OP, how old are your DCs? Do they show promise in some activity?
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Anonymous
| you go part time or hire a nanny. get them to clean the house and grocery shop while they're at it. (you'll need to fill their hours). |
Anonymous
DH and I used to work those schedule when DDs were little and our day care provider director made us stop. Seriously. We were dropping the kids off when the center opened at 7:30 and picking them up at 6. She met with us and told us, basically, we needed to reevaluate our schedules and if we couldn't shift our total hours than we had to shift our schedules. So I started going to work at 7 so I could be leave by 3, and DH started going in later so they got dropped off later. Now that they're in MS, I'm back by 4 to take them to stuff. With your schedules its either Nanny or no activities unless you guys can switch. Car pools maybe? |
Anonymous
Why? Really, this is your life. You have to accept the limitations. The important thing is to promote a calm and fairly predictable, stable family life. This can be hard if working parents are stretched thin. Nurture family life. The kids can do ECs that work for your family/or none at all. When they are older, they can bike (or generally have more options) |
Anonymous
I call b.s.. Your husband can leave early a night a week to take his kid to soccer. Both my husband and I worked for big firms and never had to work til 9 in the office every single night. |
Anonymous
| We hired an after-school nanny who helps with driving. But agree with PP that it's worth exploring you or DH could leave work earlier one night a week to handle sports practice for a kid. Even my husband who has a demanding job helps with practices. And there are kids on my kids' teams with parents who are partners in big law, Hill staff, etc. who drive their kids to practices. It's the stage of life and won't last for long. |
Anonymous
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OP, accept for now that you need to focus on weekend activities. If football didn't work, help your child find something else.
But one thing you need to know, since your kids seem to be young right now (didn't see if you replied to someone's question about their ages): As they get older, if they want to pursue extracurriculars, those activities will demand more than just weekend time from them. Are you looking far enough ahead to see if you and/or DH can alter your working lives when the kids are older and start saying they need to be in a class or rehearsal or practice that is on weeknights -- and is required to continue being on a team or in a show, or is needed to advance in their skills? It's something to start thinking about now. NOT all kids have to do lots of extracurriculars, or any at all, OP. And it's fine for a kid to do something just for fun (in fact it would be healthy if this area had more stuff like that so things weren't so competitive and intense as kids get older -- I hear a lot of parents lament that they wish their kids could keep playing soccer as they get older just for fun but the leagues get too competitive and demanding). But be aware that if a kid falls in love with some activity and wants to get better at it in the older elementary/MS/HS years, you and your husband will have to think hard about whether you can get your kid where he or she needs to go or whether you'll have to turn down that activity. If you have a child who wants to play soccer, for instance, you will have those weekend-only practices just for a time, before a team starts to say that one weeknight practice is required too, then maybe more if it's travel soccer as your child gets older. Swim team? We're talking 4:30 a.m. practices on weekdays for my friend's fifth grader. My middle schooler dances, and the days of one class a week are long gone -- she has four classes a week after school and no, there are no other students who go from her school to her dance studio, so the whole "just find another parent at the activity who'll drive everyone" thing does not work at all. Someone said above that as kids get older they have options like biking to get them places -- not in our area. My kid's studio is too far and along very busy roads. Friends with kids in soccer or baseball or basketball say they sometimes have to go to different fields or gyms from week to week and the kids can't be expected to bike there from home when it might be some new place in another suburb (and at rush hour). Not trying to dissuade you from extracurriculars, but just trying to point out that as kids get older, if they want to pursue something beyond just a weekly fun activity, you will find you have to reconsider your work schedules if you want to make that happen for your children. There will be other parents who can help drive but these activities often involve parents beyond just driving. For now, while they're young, see what the school offers after school for next fall and get them registered - our elementary had things like hip-hop dance, chess club, Lego robotics club and more after school. If your school doesn't have anything at all, step up and join PTA and be the one who says you'll get details and find a vendor who can provide some after-school programs if the school or PTA can afford it..... |
Anonymous
I don't. My children haven't reached their teens, so this will likely change once they are able to handle their own transport. For now, they have a tutor who comes twice a week and every other Saturday. He'll do all sorts of things with them if homework isn't a priority that week. We have workout regimes at home, dvds, boxing equipment, yoga mats. I tried the team based stuff, it wasn't a good fit and took way, way too much effort. Same with Judo. And, swimming. We may have to make room for dance classes since both children share an interest, but that will have to be a weekend activity. |
Anonymous
| Carpool -- and you're going to have to be generous with the gas money to the other parents if you're unable to do any of the driving. But seriously, if you can rework your schedule, I'd do it. As it is, you must barely see your kids -- home, dinner, homework, bathtime, bed? Am I right? And your husband is even worse off. I can't imagine seeing that little of my kids. They're WHY I work, they're my reason for living in general. If I never saw them, what would be the point? |
Anonymous
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OP - It sounds like DH is not willing to make any changes in his career life and leaving it all up to you. I agree that you need to look at your combined work schedules to see if you were at work earlier a couple of days a week, if he could not get the kids up and off to school - meaning before care on his way to the office. Or else have him go in earlier, on alternate days and cut his time at the other end. It sounds ridiculous that every night must be until 9:00 p.m . It does not get easier so the ideal answer might be to find a reliable somewhat older woman who could work after-school hours and get your children to their activities and do at least meal preparation. This person might also be able to pick up some of the slack during the summer time. And by the way what does your children's schedule look like during the summer time? Gotta say if your kids are young really it might be time to re-prioritize careers versus children. They are young for such a short time and do need to see their parents once in a while. Does DH also have the golf game on the weekend or does he at least carry his equal share of family life with kids and household duties (which are not done by a paid person)? If not, time for a really, really serious conversation. |
Anonymous
Go away! Why shouldn't her DH, who works until 9 PM so probably NEVER sees his kids change HIS schedule if this is your solution. |
Anonymous
| We found that as our kid aged, such hours were unsustainable. They were not creating the family life we wanted, or giving my kid what he needed. We staggered our hours for a while, and then I cut back some. |
Anonymous
Jesus, let's also not forget that for MANY people, lean out vs. lean in is BS. Most people aren't corporate attorneys, many work shift schedules or work lots of overtime to cover extra expenses etc. While this might not be OPs case, the idea that lean out is the answer is so narrow- that is only advice for professionals with options! |