leaning out in anticipation of kids
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Anonymous
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I essentially did what OP is planning. In my case it worked out well, but I admit it didn't enter into my mind there might be infertility issues... still, life always has some unplanned surprises and I think you have to go ahead with plans, just be aware that not everything goes according to plan!
In my case, I had a job with insane amounts of travel. I took a lateral move (same pay) for a job at a non profit with only one travel obligation a year. I never even thought of this as "leaning out" until I read this post, truth be told. |
Anonymous
| Why does it make sense to care about work life balance matter only when one has a kid? That seems silly.. |
Anonymous
Oh, step off your high horse. What do my degrees have to with you? The more educated our society, the better off we all are. The majority of SAHMs know has a graduate degree, including me. All of us worked before having children, and some work P/T now. Many of us will be returning to the workforce at some point. If someone chooses not to pursue the ambitious career in anticipation of having future kids, that's their decision entirely. I wouldn't trade my education for anything, and will see to it that my kids are also given every educational opportunity possible - whether or not their future plans include being a SAHP. Good for anyone who makes that choice. |
Anonymous
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Sheryl Sanberg's argument in her book is that one should not lean out in anticipation of kids, and often that is something that holds people back in the workforce and makes it paradoxically harder to juggle it all. You can agree or disagree with this assessment, but if you are going to use her terminology,you might as well understand her take on it.
She claims that women self-sabotage by scaling back too early, before there is even a kid in the picture. She claims that it is actually harder to go back to work if you feel like what you are doing is not fulfilling to you/you have said no to the most interesting projects/you are completely stagnant in your career, and actually it is much easier to be motivated to figure out a workable situation if you like what you are doing. If you feel meh about your job, then you are more likely to leave all together. On top of that, she claims that you never know how long it is going to be from the time you decide you want kids to the time that kid actually happens. The average amount of time it takes to get pregnant is about six months, but for some people it can take a year or two or more. Then once you are pregnant, you have another nine months before you take maternity leave, given that you have a healthy pregnancy. You might not be super functional while pregnant if your pregnancy is difficult, but who knows if it will be? This means that for most people, you are talking a year and a half-2 years or so between when you decide it is time to have a baby and when you actually need to step back from work. A lot professionally can happen in a couple years, and you are holding yourself back by not taking advantages to pursue challenging professional opportunities before a kid is in the picture. Of course, if you have the unicorn job that provides great professional fulfillment and reasonable monetary compensation while providing work life balance, good for you! If you are just not that ambitious and don't really care about job fulfillment and professional advancement, then good for you too! The lean in/lean out discussion doesn't really apply to you. |
Anonymous
| You should definitely think about the "life style" you plan to have when you choose a job. Not all jobs will allow you to mommy track and you don't want to look for a job when you are pregnant or ask for a flexible schedule when you have been there for 6 months. |
Anonymous
| I agree, it's stupid. You can lean out once you have your kid. I wish I had worked harder in the years leading up to my pregnancies. I can't believe I was so stupid. |
Anonymous
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Contrary to other posters, I think it is smart, depending on how you go about it.
When I got engaged, I was working at a miserable big law firm. I applied for federal clerkship with judges who I knew did not expect long hours of their clerks. I knew I wanted peace of mind to plan and attend my wedding and the start a family immediately. It was a great idea. I got married I have to leave in my firm, but before starting the clerkship, started my clerkship, got pregnant shortly after, and gave birth with complete peace of mind during my cushy, easy clerkship. I applied for a second cushy clerkship and got it, so I spent the following year working very short, easy hours and enjoying my baby. Now, I am back in big law purely for the clerkship bonus and will probably take advantage of the maternity leave to have my second child and then leave for good. So, in short, my advice to you is to find a "prestigious" way to lean out. |
Anonymous
Ugh, hate typos. Meant to write that I got married before leaving my firm (but I gave notice of my clerkship three months before starting just so that people would know not to give me any assignment but they wanted done well, lol). |
Anonymous
Well, we will see what kind of job you find after you "leave for good." Or if all you wanted to do was be a SAHM, then none of this really applies to you. |
Anonymous
Oh, don't be a catty bitch. I am already networking for my next cushy job: a federal gig through one of my judges that has a nice revolving door so that I can come back as counsel or on partner track when my kids are older. |
Anonymous
Competition for those "federal gigs" may be a little fiercer than you think ... there's something offputting about your gloating about your "cushy" and "prestigious" jobs. Very self-satisfied. |
Anonymous
Oh, also the mention of the "nice revolving door." Gag. What would be nice would be if civil servants actually wanted to do the right thing for the public, not just use their federal job as a revolving door back to industry. Gag, again. |
Anonymous
Whatever, honey. I have no plans of applying randomly. Both of my judges are associated with this agency and one was the former head. With my credentials, I am pretty confident that I have this one. Yes, I am pretty satisfied with myself. Instead of taking the advice to bust my ass for no good reason, while trying to balance family and kids and just dying in the process, I used my noggin and found a better way without sabotaging my career. I think you're just jealous. |
Anonymous
Whatever. The revolving door exists and it means that I can eat my cake and have it too. I would be a fool not to take advantage of it. By the way, I think it is very glaring but everyone has shit all over OP's sensible plan to get ready for the life that she wants. And then I come with an example of how it is done and proof that it can be done, and get catty comments in return. I swear some of you women just want everyone to be as miserable as you are. |
Anonymous
Actually your career trajectory seems somewhat similar to a balance a lot of MEN strike in their careers as well. My dad, for example. He was a big law associate, then when I was three and my brother was a baby, he went to a federal agency where he became an expert on a niche, complex area of law. He worked 9-5/got federal holidays off/was able to be around for much of our childhood when we cared about hanging out with our parents pretty much for much less pay than he did in big law, and once we were a little older (late elementary school) he got back on partnership track in big law using his connections and expertise gained in the federal government. He was actually a much more attractive candidate to big law after gaining that experience. By the time I left for college, he was a partner and financially was able to pay for my brother and my college tuition without a huge amount of stress. In any case, I don't think what you are doing is so unusual. |