My mother is ruining her life and is planning on moving in with us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you all for your helpful replies.

Honestly I don't think she is 100% mentally capable. This is a gray area - yes, her choices are hers, but she has many symptoms that fit ADHD, and it is also quite likely that she is depressed.

The divorce was her idea and I think she expected something much rosier. She might be having an especially hard time, since my dad's life is going ok and he got together with a wonderful lady. She seems frustrated and is making one bad decision after another.

There is a chance I may be able to work with my brother in getting something set up. We need to be able to protect what she has left and maybe get her set up somewhere. But that would require openness on her part, but she's fearful of being judged.

Or is this probably a lost cause?

I put a part of your post in bold...that is what I am addressing. There are some with ADHD that have bi-polar II tendencies. But unfortunately you can't help them. In almost the same way that an addict/alcoholic has to hit bottom sometimes they do to. Unfortunately, I did.

[Anonymous]

Op, only you can decide if you should try to help her get set up opposed to a "lost cause" situation, bc all of us responding are extrapolating from our own situations with our parents. But I think it is certainly worth a try, given that she is your mother. Do you "owe" it to her - no, no one "owes" another. But I would want to help any family or close friend in that situation before writing them off as a "lost cause." My MIL is in a very similar situation, by the way - when she understood that she could not live with us but instead we planned to help her get set up on her own, she somehow pulled herself together to get an apartment without our help - I think it was just a ploy to come live with us as she is lonely.