Don't get along with SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

Perhaps you need to let this ''sense'' of yours go. The fact you have it could be that you expect others that are the opposite of you judge you for that. Some will, but many won't.

Oh, and I also wonder if you in fact have a low opinion of preppy sorority types.

Well, I don't automatically think people will judge me unfavorably due to my heritage. Its just that my DH makes comments about how his sister is snobby and how she doesn't look favorably upon people who aren't like her. I just realize that I happen to be not preppy and foreign with no experience in greek life. So I surmise she may possibly be judging me on that.

First...take your DH's comments in stride but don't allow them to be yours until you know for sure. Next, practice patience. What might be today will, or with the right approach could possibly, mature in time. So, regardless of her immediate judgement of you, or yours of her, give it a chance.

A relationship between two people from different backgrounds can be a good one but it usually takes time.

[Anonymous]

A lot of this seems to be your assumptions and projections and surmises, rather than anything she's actually done or said. Forget what your husband told you and what you think she thinks, and just engage with her like a normal person. Draw your own conclusions and form your own opinions. Maybe she is a generally a snob, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like you in particular. Or maybe your husband's description of her is inaccurate or incomplete.

[Anonymous]

My SIL and I have a mutual dislike for each other. I don't let it bother me.

OP, if you're going on things you sense and what your husband says, then maybe you need to actually spend time with SIL and see for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

This is my exact situation with my DH's sisters. Over time, tension has given way to light chatter and an amicable atmosphere, though not outright friendship. DH chose to marry someone (me) diametrically opposite to the women in his family and I am not sure we will ever all be best buddies. Just not much in common.

+1

Me too. Except that the female ILs VERY much resent our differences. If one is not the same as them, it must surely a personal affront (!!!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

This is my exact situation with my DH's sisters. Over time, tension has given way to light chatter and an amicable atmosphere, though not outright friendship. DH chose to marry someone (me) diametrically opposite to the women in his family and I am not sure we will ever all be best buddies. Just not much in common.

+1

Me too. Except that the female ILs VERY much resent our differences. If one is not the same as them, it must surely a personal affront (!!!).

I am also in the same boat. I come from a loving, crazy fun, and very chatty family and have always felt really out of it with DH's family. His mom really doesn't have a sense of humor and has a habit that really bugs me. If the three of us are in a room she will direct the conversation to him saying his name as in, "Fred, I saw a new doctor today." She won't even acknowledge me. Really weird! His sister is very focused on herself and has limited interests. I have tried to talk with her but, when I say she has limited interests I am not joking. It is really hard. I just keep trying. BTW, DH supports me and knows that I am trying.

[Anonymous]

If she hasn't actually been weird with you then the issues are yours and the tension is within yourself. Not worth another thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

This is my exact situation with my DH's sisters. Over time, tension has given way to light chatter and an amicable atmosphere, though not outright friendship. DH chose to marry someone (me) diametrically opposite to the women in his family and I am not sure we will ever all be best buddies. Just not much in common.

+1

Me too. Except that the female ILs VERY much resent our differences. If one is not the same as them, it must surely a personal affront (!!!).

I am also in the same boat. I come from a loving, crazy fun, and very chatty family and have always felt really out of it with DH's family. His mom really doesn't have a sense of humor and has a habit that really bugs me. If the three of us are in a room she will direct the conversation to him saying his name as in, "Fred, I saw a new doctor today." She won't even acknowledge me. Really weird! His sister is very focused on herself and has limited interests. I have tried to talk with her but, when I say she has limited interests I am not joking. It is really hard. I just keep trying. BTW, DH supports me and knows that I am trying.

PP here. Know two things: it is not you, and you are not alone. Some families are just terribly quiet and odd.