Vent - travel plans are dumped on me, again.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thank you for your support and advice.

95% of the time, I organize our family life exactly how I want. I'm usually very good with communicating in a constructive and informational way, and he usually is very good with accepting logical arguments. Cold reason is the only thing that works with him. However the other 5% of the time, he doesn't think rationally and so I can't reach him. The problem is that they always occur in critical situations when we need to work as a team. It is a pattern, as a PP surmised. It occurred during previous big trips elsewhere, for example, and ruined part of them! It has also occurred for other unusual happenings. I suspect DH cannot handle being put in unknown situations (as well as committing to and paying for them!) and that is why he freaks out and engages in puerile behavior during those times.

For right now, he has seen the light in that he is working on his own version of the trip, which is great because he will realize what kind of logistical and time constraints my father was working with. I will come back this afternoon and see whether his plan is practical, and if it is we'll take it!

The broader question, as PP pointed out, is whether at some point during this trip, he will do another of his freak-outs. Unfortunately, he probably will, and since it will be over some minor thing, who knows when it will occur.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and it's not India. Far East. We are doing a mix of high-tech city stuff and visiting UNESCO World Heritage sites out in the country. And seeing my family only on a few days. I mean, really, who would object to such a trip???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and it's not India. Far East. We are doing a mix of high-tech city stuff and visiting UNESCO World Heritage sites out in the country. And seeing my family only on a few days. I mean, really, who would object to such a trip???

Someone who doesn't like traveling. Seriously. I've BTDT and he was fine marrying you so long as you never drag him to your home country. Now you know. I would just not take him. He will probably complain the entire time and talk trash about your country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It takes two to play this game. Stop playing.

This so much. Op are you enjoying this little game your dh plays? If yes, you are screwed up. If not, be a grown up yourself and stop playing his game. Leave him home. Why won't you consider this? Does he control the money in your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't stand a month-long trip to another country to stay with my wife's aging relatives. Why does it have to be so long?

It sounds like OP's father has made sure there is lots to do and places to stay so that the aging relatives are just part of the trip. They aren't going to just sit in a room and stare at each other. It's about introducing the kids to OP's culture, too. And, it's a one-time thing, that's why.

[Anonymous]

There is an underlying issue here and your husband is being an ass. Stop playing his game and stop treating him like a child that is being convinced. Either he comes on the trip and acts like a adult or he stays home. In your shoes I would tell him that this means a lot to you and if he cant be respectful and cooperative he should stay home. What he should not do is ruin this for you. Which is what he's doing by behaving like a spoiled child. You have a large marital issue beyond this trip.

[Anonymous]

OP, do what/as much as you think is reasonable.

Go with plans for your entire family to go.
If husband doesn't go, plan on that being fine too.

I'm going to guess that DH was heard this trip discussed way too much.

[Anonymous]

I agree, DH is tired of all the talk re: the trip.

Quit talking. Plan it. He can come, or not.