s/o Let mother visit stay with us after baby comes?

[Anonymous]

How long will her visit be? For me, I could handle most conflicts for 2-3 days max. You also need to know what kind of help will she be. Will she be willing to make dinner every night or does she need waited on? With a new baby, you do not need a guest, you WILL need help.

[Anonymous]

I could talk her down to maybe 3 nights? 4 nights? The help I mentioned earlier - she will make dinner, but then immediately afterwards will start assigning clean-up tasks to my husband and me. And she is a high maintenance helper ("Larla, what pot should I use for this? Where is your basil? Can I use the sea salt?" etc.). I'd rather just get takeout every night, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar relationship with my mom, OP. But my mom is awesome with babies and is actually great in emergency/high intensity situations. So it was worth the bit of drama (and there was some), in order to have her there for our first night at home when we could not figure out how to get our baby to stop crying.

Same experience here. And mine DID retreat to the guestroom as she said she would.

[Anonymous]

Pay for her hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pay for her hotel.

OP here - yes, we would pay for her hotel. And she knows this.

[Anonymous]

No. With a new baby it is too much stress.

[Anonymous]

No way. The worst time for a high stakes visit like that is right after you have a baby. It's too easy to take things personally when sleep-deprived and tired…you don't need to be devoting energy to managing a difficult person in your space, even if that person is your mother.

[Anonymous]

The less changes with a new baby the better. If it does not work out, you will be stuck with the added stress of dealing with your mother in addition to the newborn. Might just bring up resentment on both sides. You could always do another visit in the future where she stays with you, if this hotel visit works out well and things get easier as baby gets older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. The worst time for a high stakes visit like that is right after you have a baby. It's too easy to take things personally when sleep-deprived and tired…you don't need to be devoting energy to managing a difficult person in your space, even if that person is your mother.

This!

[Anonymous]

I really held onto the hope that my relationship with my mother would change when I had my first. It didn't. I thinking having her stay at a hotel until the relationship improves is the best way to handle things.

[Anonymous]

I would say no. My mother and I get along and it was rough having her in my house after my daughter was born - and she stayed with a neighbor at night. She wanted to help so bad but really just got in the way. I love the phrase high-maintenance-helper so true! My mom is also not particularly good with babies so maybe that would have helped.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. I was such a crazy, paranoid, emotional mess, I certainly could not have coped.

[Anonymous]

No.
Nope.
Uh-Uh.
No Frigging Way.

A new baby in the house is NOT the time to try this. Your hormones will have you on edge to begin with, the very last thing you need is arguments about sugar spoons and weeding shoes. Send her to a hotel. Give yourself some space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could talk her down to maybe 3 nights? 4 nights? The help I mentioned earlier - she will make dinner, but then immediately afterwards will start assigning clean-up tasks to my husband and me. And she is a high maintenance helper ("Larla, what pot should I use for this? Where is your basil? Can I use the sea salt?" etc.). I'd rather just get takeout every night, to be honest.

Ick, my mother does this, too. We call it "falsetto politeness".

[Anonymous]

No way!