need some perspective--$$ and visiting far flung relatives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting OP. I'm a single Mom and fly to see my family on the west coast multiple times a year in addition to international travel. You really can't afford plane tickets?

[Anonymous]

I hear your frustration. You have a budget and every year they spring something that is not planned for.

Long term strategy - put it in the budget

Get ahead of it. Now say - for Christmas break next year we thought it would be great to get a family cabin near Deep Creek Lodge. Here are some links _________ To reserve these locations, we need to put a deposit down now. Is everyone in?

Compromise - have your husband fly so it is only 1 plane ticket.

Recommend dates for them to visit. Next year, Larla has her big school theater performance. It is usually the 1st week in November. Do you want to book your tickets now? There is also the soccer tournament that is always columbus day. Which one do you think you would enjoy more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting OP. I'm a single Mom and fly to see my family on the west coast multiple times a year in addition to international travel. You really can't afford plane tickets?

OP is not you. You are not OP. Your life is not OP's life and your budget is not OP's budget.

People like you who question others' finances are irksome.

Why?

My point is simply that OP doesn't want to budget for travel. She can do it. No more "can't afford it" excuses. She can afford it and doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting OP. I'm a single Mom and fly to see my family on the west coast multiple times a year in addition to international travel. You really can't afford plane tickets?

OP is not you. You are not OP. Your life is not OP's life and your budget is not OP's budget.

People like you who question others' finances are irksome.

Why?

My point is simply that OP doesn't want to budget for travel. She can do it. No more "can't afford it" excuses. She can afford it and doesn't want to.

no, the point is how much you make you make and what your expenses are. the fact that you are a single mom is irrelevant, you may make three times as much as OP's family, or OP has a higher mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting OP. I'm a single Mom and fly to see my family on the west coast multiple times a year in addition to international travel. You really can't afford plane tickets?

Hey clueless, read OP's post again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting OP. I'm a single Mom and fly to see my family on the west coast multiple times a year in addition to international travel. You really can't afford plane tickets?

OP is not you. You are not OP. Your life is not OP's life and your budget is not OP's budget.

People like you who question others' finances are irksome.

Why?

My point is simply that OP doesn't want to budget for travel. She can do it. No more "can't afford it" excuses. She can afford it and doesn't want to.

With this level of smugness you must be a real joy to be around.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all of the responses. I think as many of you pointed out, we need to make sure there is better clarity on both sides as to expectations. Going forward, we will definitely make sure travel discussion/planning happens via email, to keep a written record rather than relying on recall.

I also like the idea of stating how much we've got each year for a travel budget. Giving out a dollar amount, rather than saying "we'll get together two times this year" makes it much clearer to everyone what our options/limitations are.

Thanks again, all!

[Anonymous]

I agree. Just be clear. Don't get "cornered" into agreeing to things you can't afford. You don't need to give them the details of your finances (I wouldn't tell them exactly what your travel budget is), obviously, but when you say no to something, say why. Also, tell them that you need much more advance notice of trips they would like to take as a family because you need time to budget and save the money. Just be matter-of-fact about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Just be clear. Don't get "cornered" into agreeing to things you can't afford. You don't need to give them the details of your finances (I wouldn't tell them exactly what your travel budget is), obviously, but when you say no to something, say why. Also, tell them that you need much more advance notice of trips they would like to take as a family because you need time to budget and save the money. Just be matter-of-fact about it.

This. Do not tell people an exact dollar figure. When you give people too much information, that gives them too much room to tell you how to spend it, how to get more and why you should spend it the way THEY want you to. My standard line is, "It's not a line item in our budget at this time". PERIOD.END.OF.STORY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more I think on it, the more I think you should come up with the money for essentially one plane ticket. It's two weeks of babysitting.... Two weeks of food for two kids.... It may be a wash, financially. You will spend more if the grandparents visit you.

This. Plus you get all that free time. I think you are being harsh. The chipping for vacation house on thing but expecting grandparents to foot the airplane bill another. Also think it is so much easier for you. When relatives visit I spend a lot getting house ready (I don't I don't have to but it just happens and this seems to be the norm for other folks) also the food, the stress. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Interesting that OP has the issue and not her husband. This is not surprising. My guess is OP has control issues and the control is that she is not as vested in the familial relationship with inlaws. I have a SIL like this. I basically have to completely foot visits to make sure they happen. I suck it up because I think the kids need to see each other at least 2x a year to really have that bond for when I am gone.

[Anonymous]

Just so you know, you are making a choice to put your surplus income into college and retirement savings. That is a CHOICE. It is a SMART choice, but a choice nonetheless. Actually most of the MIDDLE MIDDLE class people I know can't do that. Not everyone chooses the same way, but it's not that you can't afford these trips. It's that you choose not to spend the money you have in that manner.

State your preferences and do what you can. Be flexible and accommodating only when you want to, in order to avoid resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting OP. I'm a single Mom and fly to see my family on the west coast multiple times a year in addition to international travel. You really can't afford plane tickets?

OP is not you. You are not OP. Your life is not OP's life and your budget is not OP's budget.

People like you who question others' finances are irksome.

Why?

My point is simply that OP doesn't want to budget for travel. She can do it. No more "can't afford it" excuses. She can afford it and doesn't want to.

no, the point is how much you make you make and what your expenses are. the fact that you are a single mom is irrelevant, you may make three times as much as OP's family, or OP has a higher mortgage.

I can assure you I don't make more than OP and her husband. She may be over leveraged on her mortgage, but I don't exactly pay a small amount to rent a townhome here either. Again I don't buy that OP can't purchase one plane ticket. Neither do her relatives it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting OP. I'm a single Mom and fly to see my family on the west coast multiple times a year in addition to international travel. You really can't afford plane tickets?

OP is not you. You are not OP. Your life is not OP's life and your budget is not OP's budget.

People like you who question others' finances are irksome.

Why?

My point is simply that OP doesn't want to budget for travel. She can do it. No more "can't afford it" excuses. She can afford it and doesn't want to.

no, the point is how much you make you make and what your expenses are. the fact that you are a single mom is irrelevant, you may make three times as much as OP's family, or OP has a higher mortgage.

I can assure you I don't make more than OP and her husband. She may be over leveraged on her mortgage, but I don't exactly pay a small amount to rent a townhome here either. Again I don't buy that OP can't purchase one plane ticket. Neither do her relatives it seems.

And you may be up to your eyeballs in credit card debt with no savings or retirement while OP is being careful and planning for the future well. Who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting OP. I'm a single Mom and fly to see my family on the west coast multiple times a year in addition to international travel. You really can't afford plane tickets?

OP is not you. You are not OP. Your life is not OP's life and your budget is not OP's budget.

People like you who question others' finances are irksome.

Why?

My point is simply that OP doesn't want to budget for travel. She can do it. No more "can't afford it" excuses. She can afford it and doesn't want to.

no, the point is how much you make you make and what your expenses are. the fact that you are a single mom is irrelevant, you may make three times as much as OP's family, or OP has a higher mortgage.

I can assure you I don't make more than OP and her husband. She may be over leveraged on her mortgage, but I don't exactly pay a small amount to rent a townhome here either. Again I don't buy that OP can't purchase one plane ticket. Neither do her relatives it seems.

Let it go. I'm another single mom, making a decent salary, but after mortgage, daycare, etc., we are living close to the bone. I couldn't afford a plane ticket, unless it was offsetting childcare costs as some other PPs point out.