Anyone ever totally lose their temper with their kid?

[Anonymous]

OP- it's hard, my child has impulse control issues. We can be having a perfectly nice time, and all of a sudden he will do something completely out of line. It often seems to come out of no where, and I don't have time to think through the best response. He also has trouble waiting, and seems to pick a stressful time to melt down or get obsessed with something inconsequential (e.g. when we need to leave for school). That's another trigger in our house.

I've learned after many years to expect the unexpected so I'm better about raising my voice and getting frustrated... but I do still have my moments.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did tonight in fact over homework. I was exhausted and had no patience left. I feel guilty, but I have to admit it wasn't until I lost it that shit got done. I suck.

[Anonymous]

OP, first, I would stop beating yourself up about this. It happens. Second, it's hard with some kids to stay out of 'reactive' mode.

Right now, it sounds like you are running from fire to fire. Take some time to formulate a plan for dealing with his behavior. It's said that 'all behavior is communication'. What does his behavior say to you. If he is acting out in school, what might need changed there?
If he is lying and manipulating at home, what changes can be made?

I strongly recommend a book called, 'The Explosive Child', by Dr. Ross Greene. It's an amazing approach to kids with difficult behaviors. It's not targeting to any one diagnosis but rather any child struggling with behavior and emotional regulation. There is also a website, www.livesinthebalance.org, that explains the concepts in more detail. It was life-changing for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, first, I would stop beating yourself up about this. It happens. Second, it's hard with some kids to stay out of 'reactive' mode.

Right now, it sounds like you are running from fire to fire. Take some time to formulate a plan for dealing with his behavior. It's said that 'all behavior is communication'. What does his behavior say to you. If he is acting out in school, what might need changed there?
If he is lying and manipulating at home, what changes can be made?

I strongly recommend a book called, 'The Explosive Child', by Dr. Ross Greene. It's an amazing approach to kids with difficult behaviors. It's not targeting to any one diagnosis but rather any child struggling with behavior and emotional regulation. There is also a website, www.livesinthebalance.org, that explains the concepts in more detail. It was life-changing for us.

ADHD doesn't cause that type of behavior. Putting aside the over diagnoses of that condition and exaggeration of its impacts not to mention how it has become a scape goat of under performing upper/middle children; I suspect you will want to lose it a more often and consistently with your 11 year old or it will only get worse as they age.


As always I could be wrong and your results may vary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first, I would stop beating yourself up about this. It happens. Second, it's hard with some kids to stay out of 'reactive' mode.

Right now, it sounds like you are running from fire to fire. Take some time to formulate a plan for dealing with his behavior. It's said that 'all behavior is communication'. What does his behavior say to you. If he is acting out in school, what might need changed there?
If he is lying and manipulating at home, what changes can be made?

I strongly recommend a book called, 'The Explosive Child', by Dr. Ross Greene. It's an amazing approach to kids with difficult behaviors. It's not targeting to any one diagnosis but rather any child struggling with behavior and emotional regulation. There is also a website, www.livesinthebalance.org, that explains the concepts in more detail. It was life-changing for us.

ADHD doesn't cause that type of behavior. Putting aside the over diagnoses of that condition and exaggeration of its impacts not to mention how it has become a scape goat of under performing upper/middle children; I suspect you will want to lose it a more often and consistently with your 11 year old or it will only get worse as they age.


As always I could be wrong and your results may vary.

ADHD CAN cause that type of behavior. At the very least it shows that the person has a lack of impulse control.

[Anonymous]

'i never felt I had a beast in me until I had a SN kid."

THIS THIS THIS!

Oh, OP, btdt. My girl is a runner and is fast and incredibly athletic. I have broken ribs, toes and an elbow trying to catch her before she dies in traffic. Once she ran towards a pit bull who was trying to jump the fence to get to her. I literally tackled her to get her off the fence before the dog got to her. Horrifying. One time, after all my body parts had finally healed, and I had been home alone with her for two days, she got away from me on the way to the playground. When I caught her I lost it. I mean, I lost it. I grabbed her and yelled in her face, "I'm so fucking sick of this shit. Why can't you just listen for once." We both started crying and then I practically dragged her home. It was the most horrifying experience of my life, mostly because it felt so good to get the anger out.

I started meditation to deal with anger I never had experienced before (therapist suggested it). The best thing it does is to help me take "me" out of the situation. I visualize myself kind of hovering over the scene. I'm not sure why, but it gives me a certain degree of separation that diffuses the situation for me. I see my daughter as a kid trying hard and I'm filled with compassion for her.

Just wanted to send you my thoughts, OP. It's hard. Tomorrow is a new day.

[Anonymous]

I am laughing (not at you, op, just chuckling) because OF COURSE I sound calm and patient when I'm posting here. I'm usually sitting at work with a hot cup of coffee at a job I love with enough downtime to surf the internet.

At home? Ha, different story. I have lost my temper plenty. Hang in there - we are all doing the very best we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:'i never felt I had a beast in me until I had a SN kid."

THIS THIS THIS!

Oh, OP, btdt. My girl is a runner and is fast and incredibly athletic. I have broken ribs, toes and an elbow trying to catch her before she dies in traffic. Once she ran towards a pit bull who was trying to jump the fence to get to her. I literally tackled her to get her off the fence before the dog got to her. Horrifying. One time, after all my body parts had finally healed, and I had been home alone with her for two days, she got away from me on the way to the playground. When I caught her I lost it. I mean, I lost it. I grabbed her and yelled in her face, "I'm so fucking sick of this shit. Why can't you just listen for once." We both started crying and then I practically dragged her home. It was the most horrifying experience of my life, mostly because it felt so good to get the anger out.

I started meditation to deal with anger I never had experienced before (therapist suggested it). The best thing it does is to help me take "me" out of the situation. I visualize myself kind of hovering over the scene. I'm not sure why, but it gives me a certain degree of separation that diffuses the situation for me. I see my daughter as a kid trying hard and I'm filled with compassion for her.

Just wanted to send you my thoughts, OP. It's hard. Tomorrow is a new day.

I would have yelled too- there is nothing that will make me as angry as when my kid puts himself in danger. It's the angry/scared adrenaline rush.