"we never see you"

[Anonymous]

I don't even think they sound clueless. They're just from a different generation, one in which the world didn't change to cater to children. Rather children learned to adapt.

Your job is not to teach/raise your parents. Your job is to teach your children how to be in this world with different types of people. Teach them how to have conversations with people other than their friends. Teach them how to behave when they're bored. It's ridiculous that you're mad at your parents when your children are acting like brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very helpful, thanks.
Kids are in third and fifth grades.
I will bring games for them to play with Grandpa (Grandma's not much of a game player or puzzle-doer). Grandma likes to cook with the kids, which they don't always enjoy (she's quite a stickler about food handling and preparation--everything must be done JUST SO.)
Yes, I have a spouse, but he's happy to sit and look at a computer screen and wisely avoid interacting with my parents.
My folks do get out and about, but they want time with us to be at their place. Which can be boring. If the kids bring tennis racquets or a ball, parents complain that the kids are not relating to them.

I won't invite friends. Sigh. ("I'm bored" translates into--I have no friends here, or no one to play hide-and-seek with, or whatever).
Yes, when the kids were younger, my parents INSISTED on picking them up Mondays and Fridays from pre-school and this was NOT convenient for me, especially having to cook for the whole crowd when I came home from work. I did brush my folks back--I like to pick up the kids after school, see who they're playing with, chat with other parents, etc. It was NOT helpful to me to have them pick up the kids. It WOULD be helpful to have them pick up the children on days when I cannot, and I'll try to schedule that 'way in advance, but they generally can't, or they cancel, sometimes at the last minute.
We'll see how Valentine's Day goes. I appreciate the posters who mentioned that they enjoyed spending time with grandparents, and have nice memories. OK. Will work towards that.

You know it's not the end of the world for a kid to be bored. It's a part of life, everyday for everyone. Learning to create your own fun and dealing with boredom is a life skill that is pretty important IMO. Children do not need to be uber stimulated 24/7. I have turned into my own mother because I find myself saying to my own kids in response to I'm bored: "Life is not a Disney Cruise" "Life is not Camp", "Deal with it".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't even think they sound clueless. They're just from a different generation, one in which the world didn't change to cater to children. Rather children learned to adapt.

Your job is not to teach/raise your parents. Your job is to teach your children how to be in this world with different types of people. Teach them how to have conversations with people other than their friends. Teach them how to behave when they're bored. It's ridiculous that you're mad at your parents when your children are acting like brats.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't even think they sound clueless. They're just from a different generation, one in which the world didn't change to cater to children. Rather children learned to adapt.

Your job is not to teach/raise your parents. Your job is to teach your children how to be in this world with different types of people. Teach them how to have conversations with people other than their friends. Teach them how to behave when they're bored. It's ridiculous that you're mad at your parents when your children are acting like brats.

This.

Says who?

The brats here, with the info we have, are OP's parents. Everyone in the family, and especially the adults, need to use that thing called brain and find fun and meaningful things for all to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't even think they sound clueless. They're just from a different generation, one in which the world didn't change to cater to children. Rather children learned to adapt.

Your job is not to teach/raise your parents. Your job is to teach your children how to be in this world with different types of people. Teach them how to have conversations with people other than their friends. Teach them how to behave when they're bored. It's ridiculous that you're mad at your parents when your children are acting like brats.

This.

Says who?

The brats here, with the info we have, are OP's parents. Everyone in the family, and especially the adults, need to use that thing called brain and find fun and meaningful things for all to try.

Huh? OP's husband spends his visits on the computer. OP's children audibly complain about being bored. OP thinks they are all totally justified in behaving this way.

[Anonymous]

Kids need to learn that sometimes life is boring and that's just the way it is. Everyone on earth isn't here to personally entertain them. Does your dad have any hobbies he can teach? Wood working, gardening, model building etc? If my kids said they were bored by their grandparents, I'd shut that down fast. If grandparents don't take initiative trip a model or something, have the kids being something, a complicated Lego set, model car, pinewood derby car, whatever. Or bring a recipe they want grandma to help them learn etc. Theres nothing more irritating then a kid complaining of boredom.

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs to set a better example and show some leadership in teaching your kids how to get along with their grandparents. So what if they're boring and annoying? Getting along with boring and annoying people has taken me far in life. It's important that your children know how to do it.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is your life. You have to decide whose interests come first, your parents' or your family's?

It is as simple as that.

And, if you choose your parents', don't be surprised about growing resentment, and even a divorce.

Up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is your life. You have to decide whose interests come first, your parents' or your family's?

It is as simple as that.

And, if you choose your parents', don't be surprised about growing resentment, and even a divorce.

Up to you.

Arguably, the family's interests include teaching the children (and the DH!) how to spend time with relatives without moaning and escaping to the computer.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't force your husband to change anything. He's happy to just be there and unless there's anyone expressing discontent about that, I'd let it go.

I don't know why you're upset that your father would like to extend reading for your children beyond the bedtime ritual you have established. This is such a gift and you're being incredibly short-sighted in your reaction to it.

Also, seriously, teach your kids to have conversations with adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't even think they sound clueless. They're just from a different generation, one in which the world didn't change to cater to children. Rather children learned to adapt.

Your job is not to teach/raise your parents. Your job is to teach your children how to be in this world with different types of people. Teach them how to have conversations with people other than their friends. Teach them how to behave when they're bored. It's ridiculous that you're mad at your parents when your children are acting like brats.

This.

Agreed. My kids are HS age now but I remember similar conversations with my kids and my parents. While the grandparents could ideally phrase things differently (without guilt) the message shouldn't be lost. They want to see you and your kids more. In my own situation, my parents have both had strokes (but still relatively independent) and my oldest will be leaving for college in less than 2 years. I wish I'd spent more time with my parents and am making a concerted effort to see them more now.

Find some ways for the get-togethers to be more enjoyable for everyone. Sitting around the house bored out of your mind isn't working for everyone involved. Put a little work into making the visits more engaging and positive for you, your kids, and your parents.

Your kids won't be little for much longer and your parents won't be around forever. This is one of my biggest regrets- at least right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't even think they sound clueless. They're just from a different generation, one in which the world didn't change to cater to children. Rather children learned to adapt.

Your job is not to teach/raise your parents. Your job is to teach your children how to be in this world with different types of people. Teach them how to have conversations with people other than their friends. Teach them how to behave when they're bored. It's ridiculous that you're mad at your parents when your children are acting like brats.

This.

Says who?

The brats here, with the info we have, are OP's parents. Everyone in the family, and especially the adults, need to use that thing called brain and find fun and meaningful things for all to try.

Huh? OP's husband spends his visits on the computer. OP's children audibly complain about being bored. OP thinks they are all totally justified in behaving this way.

OP. I had three living grandparents growing up. Two were simply not interested. The other one was very quiet and didn't interact much.

Even if I were bored at the time I would love to have memories of cooking with my grandmother, and my grandfather reading to me (and yeah, kids need to learn to be bored. Every time my parents had dinner with a friend that had no kids, I was bored. I brought a book or watched TV or did SOMETHING.)

How is cooking for your parents cooking for a "crowd"? Your mother cooked for you for years, FFS.

3rd and 5th graders should know better than to complain about being bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is your life. You have to decide whose interests come first, your parents' or your family's?

It is as simple as that.

And, if you choose your parents', don't be surprised about growing resentment, and even a divorce.

Up to you.

Arguably, the family's interests include teaching the children (and the DH!) how to spend time with relatives without moaning and escaping to the computer.

Seriously. You would cut off your parents from your life because your children are bored at their house? and this will cause a divorce?

OP and her DH already are in trouble. I can't imagine disrespecting either set of parents the way DH is disrespecting hers, and I don't really get along with my in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very helpful, thanks.
Kids are in third and fifth grades.
I will bring games for them to play with Grandpa (Grandma's not much of a game player or puzzle-doer). Grandma likes to cook with the kids, which they don't always enjoy (she's quite a stickler about food handling and preparation--everything must be done JUST SO.)
Yes, I have a spouse, but he's happy to sit and look at a computer screen and wisely avoid interacting with my parents.
My folks do get out and about, but they want time with us to be at their place. Which can be boring. If the kids bring tennis racquets or a ball, parents complain that the kids are not relating to them.

I won't invite friends. Sigh. ("I'm bored" translates into--I have no friends here, or no one to play hide-and-seek with, or whatever).
Yes, when the kids were younger, my parents INSISTED on picking them up Mondays and Fridays from pre-school and this was NOT convenient for me, especially having to cook for the whole crowd when I came home from work. I did brush my folks back--I like to pick up the kids after school, see who they're playing with, chat with other parents, etc. It was NOT helpful to me to have them pick up the kids. It WOULD be helpful to have them pick up the children on days when I cannot, and I'll try to schedule that 'way in advance, but they generally can't, or they cancel, sometimes at the last minute.
We'll see how Valentine's Day goes. I appreciate the posters who mentioned that they enjoyed spending time with grandparents, and have nice memories. OK. Will work towards that.

Wait, what? Your DH is on a screen when he visits his ILs?

Did he grow up in a barn?

Your children think that they must be entertained and happy at all times because that is what their father is teaching them. He is teaching them that if present company - FAMILY! - bores you, then you may turn to the screen.

Is that what you want your children to learn?

[Anonymous]

^^^"wisely"? NO. *rudely*