Is Montessori really "for every child?"

[Anonymous]

No system is for EVERY child but, especially at 3, Montessori can be a great away for a quiet and shy kid to build confidence and communication skills at his own pace. Self-control and confidence a large part of what they are learning over the first few months in the Primary environment, anyway.

[Anonymous]

I have an extremely independent, self-directed 3 year old who's super verbal, and Montessori was a terrible fit for her. We pulled her mid-year because she was bored and anxious and deeply unhappy without opportunities to engage in imaginative play. What I discovered is that very independent kids like her may need the social support of a play-based classroom to encourage them to develop their relationships with other children. As it was, she spent each day essentially alone in a room full of other kids doing their own thing.

[Anonymous]

We were debating between a montessori and a reggio school (the only geographic options for us, along with a pretty old-school catholic program that looked like no fun) for our almost 3-year old energetic son last year. I actually talked to a childhood developmental specialist about the choice, and she highly recommended reggio for my son. She said montessori was great for independent, self-directed, calm and compliant kids. But if you're the typical active little boy, she said it was not a great fit at age 3. Although self-directed, she said that kids got to pick their own activity, but then were bound to use that activity as prescribed. No taking the beads from the bead station and "cooking" them in the pot at the kitchen station. She said a lot of 3-year olds (and in particular, girls) are great at this. But as described, my son would not be.

I wondered whether we should be helping my son to develop some of those more focused and obedience skills, but the specialist said almost all kids naturally learned those just in time for kindergarten - which is where you first "need" those skills. And you should pick a preschool for how your kid is; not for preparing them for school.

We also discussed the fact that most "montessori" preschools have very little to do with the true montessori method but just use the name for marketing.

And in the end - we loved the reggio school we picked, but it really highlighted some major sensory seeking behaviors my son has (which had been minor blips in his behavior prior to school, but a chaotic classroom really brought them out in a bad way). And so in hindsight, he actually would have done best in the old-school catholic program (where the nuns had the kids suspiciously quiet, orderly and well-behaved)! That was the one school we weren't really interested in at all. You live and learn!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS1-- active, competitive, social and joyful. He did not do well with the quieter times in the Montessori classroom. After a year of having his (wonderful!) teachers calm him down and redirect daily, he still wasn't getting closer to becoming an independent worker, so we did not begin the second year. They promised that things would change if we stayed, once he was one of the older learners...but it felt like we were trying to force him to be a different kind of kid.

This was us too. I knew that, to some extent, the issues we faced during the first year were unlikely to repeat during the second year as frequently, but it just did not feel like a good fit for DD. It felt very much like we (and the school) were trying to change parts of her personality in order to conform to the school's standards, which didn't feel right to me. DD got in trouble for things like "disrespecting the materials" (aka not using them expressly as designed, being creative) and for being too social, or social outside the designated times for group play/work.

I think that there are aspects of Montessori that are really positive for all children. A lot of the work is stuff that really made my DD feel very empowered - things like setting the table, cleaning her own dishes, polishing and sorting that she viewed as "grown up activities" were now within her reach. I know that those things can be taught in other ways, but they are often not taught deliberately the way that Montessori does.

[Anonymous]

We were thrilled to get into a very popular Montessori School, but it was not the right fit for my son. While the potential for independent exploration and choice is great, a lot of the lessons provided to the three year olds to choose from are "practical life" lessons. My son didn't want to choose folding, buttons, dusting, and polishing for three hour blocks every morning. It didn't interest him. He tried to do other lessons he saw the big kids do, but wasn't allowed to try since he had not been given that particular lesson. At three years old my son could have traced shapes so I'm not sure why he was not given that lesson when he showed interest. Montessori is also very individual in the sense that collaboration and team work is limited in primary. Based on my son's experience and multiple observations, the kids choose their work and work alone. They are allowed to stand near each other and watch what another child is doing, but they couldn't do it together. Of course there is small group time and morning/afternoon class activities (singing/books), but during the work periods (three hour blocks) the focus is on individual work and exploration. I found Montessori to be limiting in the sense that my son was given lessons, but then was only permitted to do those same 7-10 things day after day for three hours until he got a new lesson. This is just my experience, but these are things I wish I would've known beforehand. We didn't re-enroll and were fortunate to get into a great school for Pre-K that is a better fit for my child!

[Anonymous]

There are definitely a lot of variations in Montessori schools. We've been at 2, and visited a lot of others, so here are some differences that I've observed:
1) How closely do they adhere to the 2 hour work cycle rule? One school adhered rigidly, which meant there was no morning recess/gym/library, etc. Another school did not -- they had a 1 1/2 work cycle, but broke it on days they did music, gym, etc. I liked the latter better, but it may have cost them a certification which some parents think is the gold standard.
2) How rigidly do they adhere to the 19th century rules? Some Montessori schools require cursive writing by 1st grade, no technology at all, etc. Others are little more modern.
3) What's the art/creative program like? One Montessori only had "the metal inset" (tracing) plus copies of 19th century impressionists posted around the room. Another had a daily art project that the children could choose to do which was related to the themes being discussed at circle time, plus a painting easel that the children could chose as their "work."
4) What's the approach to collaboration? In theory, Montessori schools should encourage small group collaboration. One of the basic tenets is that children help each other -- a child stronger in one skill will help the other, or show them how to do certain "work". But in many Montessori schools, the kids mostly work independently.
In the end, we found--and the teachers found -- it was not a good fit for my child, who is extremely extroverted. He'll work very nicely independently at home, but where there are other kids, he wants to be in the middle of whatever the most exciting thing is, so he was constantly buzzing around the classroom getting into other kids' work. Also, he had very bad fine motor, and so the [precision required for Montessori work was really challenging for him, in a way that I think was discouraging rather than encouraging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an extremely independent, self-directed 3 year old who's super verbal, and Montessori was a terrible fit for her. We pulled her mid-year because she was bored and anxious and deeply unhappy without opportunities to engage in imaginative play. What I discovered is that very independent kids like her may need the social support of a play-based classroom to encourage them to develop their relationships with other children. As it was, she spent each day essentially alone in a room full of other kids doing their own thing.

My extremely independent (some would say "bossy") child did not do well at Montessori. She is however thriving at another HRCS with a different model. I thought Montessori would have been the perfect fit for her - but she needed to learn less how to be independent and how to play in groups.

[Anonymous]

Montesorri did not worked for our son who tests in the gifted range. We had to pull him out since he needed a lot more direct instruction when he was younger and tended to lose focus when not given a lot of direction. It was a great school but not for our son. He is thriving now in middle school with an accelerated curriculum.

[Anonymous]

My son plays very well independently, but Montessori wasn't a great fit for him. It wasn't so much that it was a bad fit, but that a play-based curriculum is a better fit. He just does better in a classroom that's a bit more active.

Also, I think part of the issue was that Montessori wasn't a good fit for DH and I. I tried, but I never really understood the Montessori method; it's just not intuitive to me like play-based or Reggio. Also, the Montessori school DS attended didn't do much to include parents, either through volunteer activities, weekly newsletters, etc., and DS was one of those kids who wouldn't talk about school at home, so I felt completely disconnected from his school experience.

That said, I agree with the teacher above that said that each Montessori school is different, and it's about finding the right school, not necessarily the right curriculum.

[Anonymous]

My experience is that Montessori works for every child (if done well) but it doesn't necessarily work for every parent.

The kids LOVE my child's Montessori classroom. They are thrilled to be there and they are learning a lot, from developing fine motor skills (from things like wiping tables and polishing), learning letters, understanding (truly understanding) math concepts and doing lots of things that are FUN. The older kids help the younger kids. the younger kids look up to the older kids.

But for the parents who aren't truly familiar with this form of teaching it's HARD. (For us too). Some of us have had trouble just accepting that our young kids are learning and enjoying school because parents aren't part of the classroom (it's the children's space) and we don't get daily feedback. We just have to trust. Others have focused on the fact that it takes a while for new activities to be introduced, particularly at the beginning of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an extremely independent, self-directed 3 year old who's super verbal, and Montessori was a terrible fit for her. We pulled her mid-year because she was bored and anxious and deeply unhappy without opportunities to engage in imaginative play. What I discovered is that very independent kids like her may need the social support of a play-based classroom to encourage them to develop their relationships with other children. As it was, she spent each day essentially alone in a room full of other kids doing their own thing.

this is really helpful. I have a 25 year old, only child, who is also very independent. I worry that montessori wont give her enough group (forced if necessary) activities to practice sharing, group dynamics, leading and following. We toured one montessori and thought it was interesting but most of the kids were all doing their own thing. My kid really needs more socilazation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an extremely independent, self-directed 3 year old who's super verbal, and Montessori was a terrible fit for her. We pulled her mid-year because she was bored and anxious and deeply unhappy without opportunities to engage in imaginative play. What I discovered is that very independent kids like her may need the social support of a play-based classroom to encourage them to develop their relationships with other children. As it was, she spent each day essentially alone in a room full of other kids doing their own thing.

My extremely independent (some would say "bossy") child did not do well at Montessori. She is however thriving at another HRCS with a different model. I thought Montessori would have been the perfect fit for her - but she needed to learn less how to be independent and how to play in groups.

I have a super bossy kid too. We are working on it, daily. I would love to know.what HRCS you are in that works for your kid.

[Anonymous]

No, my independent stubborn daughter hated it. She was very happy at a play based school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an extremely independent, self-directed 3 year old who's super verbal, and Montessori was a terrible fit for her. We pulled her mid-year because she was bored and anxious and deeply unhappy without opportunities to engage in imaginative play. What I discovered is that very independent kids like her may need the social support of a play-based classroom to encourage them to develop their relationships with other children. As it was, she spent each day essentially alone in a room full of other kids doing their own thing.

this is really helpful. I have a 25 year old, only child, who is also very independent. I worry that montessori wont give her enough group (forced if necessary) activities to practice sharing, group dynamics, leading and following. We toured one montessori and thought it was interesting but most of the kids were all doing their own thing. My kid really needs more socilazation.

Read up on Montessori more. You have misunderstood it if you think that it doesn't include sharing, leading and following, even group dynamics. These are built in to every part of the classroom experience through the way it is structured.

For example, there is only one item of any of the materials. At it's most basic level this means that the kids have to learn to take turns. And the Montessori classroom is all about leading and following, with it's multi age classroom. If you read about Montessori you'll understand a lot more about how this develops.

[Anonymous]

Kids have to take turns in regular classrooms, too; this is not some spectacular feature of Montessori. And the flip side of it is that kids hear the word 'no' about a hundred times a day: no, you can't do that puzzle work because you haven't gotten a lesson in the other puzzle work first. No, you can't use the pink blocks to build a rocket ship, only to demonstrate your understanding of how to build a graduated tower. Far from the unstructured image many people have of Montessori, it is actually a VERY structured environment, with a *lot* of rules. Since every object in the room has a ritual purpose and can only be used for that purpose alone, there is very, very little in the way of creative or imaginative room to roam.

Also, at least in my experience, the mixed age ideal of older kids helping younger ones didn't pan out at all. Because the older kids can do things the younger ones aren't allowed to, your younger child may be frustrated to see so many activities off limits. Also, my younger child was picked on a lot by the older kids she gravitated toward; they called her a baby and she felt left out and unhappy a lot.