Help find a local independent living place for my dad? (W full kitchen)

[Anonymous]

Yeah, OP, I second the above. My father was also a spry 80yo when we moved him to a continuing care community 2 years ago. He just turned 82 and we are making plans to move him to the memory car unit in the same community. At that age, when they go downhill,it can be a sharp slope. And if he has been a caretaker for a long time, any change in that status will shake up his life and his routines in ways that aren't predictable. I remember rolling my eyes when the place we moved my dad to recommended buying furniture for tye independent apartment phase that would be suitable for a walker or wheelchair -- but guess what, the walker he got this summer is the only thing keeping him living on his own. And we have had to hire daily assistance (thru the facility) to help him with dressing and finding his way around,

Three years ago, he was living solo and driving 2 hrs several times a week between his home of 45 yrs and our summer place - now he gets lost going down the hall. Some people are sharp and physically capable well into their 90s but change tends to accelerate decline in the elderly. plan for the future whatever you do.

[Anonymous]

^^ PP here, clinician, we don't mind the eye rolls, we are really just looking out for the best interest of our families and understand how difficult it is to think about a loved one being, well, old. I'm glad things worked out for you!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I like the idea of a continuing care facility. Sounds ideal if we can find one nearby. Goodwin House may work, and those apts look big. (If they allow dogs?).

The sad part is we'd be moving him down here from Pennsylvania, so he wouldn't have any friends, and I know that's important for him. He actually suggested moving down here and getting an apt. (Well, living in our old Fairlington condo that we rent out now). I just thought it would help if he had a 'retirement community' w lots of new folks to meet. He's connected (somewhat) w his church, so maybe he would join down here, and that would resolve the need for community. My brother thinks that's crazy and that he needs more daily supervision. Plus, he shouldn't drive alone.

Thanks for your feedback and letting me 'talk' this out a bit.

[Anonymous]

My m

[Anonymous]

My mom is at a sunrise in MA. They definitely do skew older. For her it's the right fit - while on the younger side of the population, she has dementia and is at a stage where she needs a lot of hand holding. But for your dad, it sounds to me like it would not be right for him. I'm not in the area so can't offer specific suggestions, but having conducted a search for my mom and in-laws, I recommend creating a list of 6-7 nearby places and touring each one. You will learn something different at each place and it will help you figure out which one feels right. I'd recommend having him join you to view your final 2 places but don't overwhelm or risk turning him off to the area by taking him to view a lot of places.

[Anonymous]

OP again.. Thanks for your thoughts. I was so excited about the Falls Church Sunrise bc it is literally down the street, we drive past it every day. He could even walk to our house. I just had this vision of how it would all work out.

But I think he's a tad too active for that level of care just now. I'm convinced by your responses. We'll likely do a local apt or condo for him, and move him to sunrise in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Another thought here: if you moved your dad into an apartment near you, are there any Senior Centers where he could go for socialization? We live in HoCo, MD and there are multiple county Sr centers and daily activities like exercise classes, day trips, etc. If your Dad doesn't drive, you'd have to figure out something for transportation, but it might be worth looking into. There are also private Sr. centers that do provide transportation but I think that is for seniors who are more frail or have medical issues.

[Anonymous]

My mom is in the hermitage. I live in falls church. It's about 15 mins. Better than the sunrise IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.. Thanks for your thoughts. I was so excited about the Falls Church Sunrise bc it is literally down the street, we drive past it every day. He could even walk to our house. I just had this vision of how it would all work out.

But I think he's a tad too active for that level of care just now. I'm convinced by your responses. We'll likely do a local apt or condo for him, and move him to sunrise in a few years.

OP, don't give up on finding a good retirement community before you have toured and spoken with a bunch. They are all so different, and a true continuing care retirement community will be perfect for what you are describing. I am not local anymore so I can't help with specific names, but the one I have a LO at has patio type homes with garages for the young and healthy all the way up to a nursing unit. Tons and tons of outings, activities, groups, it's like a cruise shop for old people.
I'm wondering if he would be too isolated and not have much social interaction in an apartment. Days can be really long while everyone is at work

[Anonymous]

This link lists all types of senior housing from independent to assisted living.
Good luck and you sound like a great daughter!

http://www.seniorhousingnet.com/seniorliving-search/falls-church_va

[Anonymous]

Independent and Assisted living are two different things. Maybe what you are looking for is a continuing care facility. One where clients move from independent living to assisted living to nursing care. My suggestion is you hire a geriatric care company/manager to help you find the best place for your relative. You may also need to talk to a financial planner.

My dad was at Asbury in Gaithersburg and I thought it was a well run facility. He went from Independent to Assisted living.

[Anonymous]

OP - I have good friends who know a couple at Goodwin House and say it is great. Also, Vinson Hall if he qualifies with background. It would also be good for you and DH to go to different places and have lunch there to see the environment before having your Dad come. I have driven by a Sunrise in Arlington and it is right on Wilson BLVD and the bus stop I believe so consider that as a future option on driving when you look, too. Also, it is true that one can trend downward quickly at that age. I also think you need to consider your Dad's need for community once Mom passes and with a major relocation.

Also do look into closeby senior centers even if living in a community or other places which might be of interest to your Dad to get out to do things with such as church, public library, public or private golf course, a college with sports to view etc. My folks 92/93 just moved into a continuing care center in independent living with services, but my Dad who does still drive daytime does not need it and loves going to a weekly "Poker Club" to play with fellows who are still active at a nearly senior center. We have also found a 3-par golf course with a senior league one morning a week while a caregiver is with my Mom. It is a balancing act and not everything may be perfect.

[Anonymous]

If there's any chance he's a retired military officer, check out Knollwood in DC. We have my mom there and it's an amazing place, very active, allows dogs and is right on Rock Creek Park. But only for retired military officers.