Prek teacher recommends holding July child back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 summer b'day kids. With the oldest, the teacher said he was ready to go, so we sent him on. In the long run (he's 24 now), this worked out fine, but middle school and 9th grade were rough. He's very bright, but was behind in terms of organizational skills. Similarly, despite being sociable and friendly, he lagged behind his peers in emotional maturity. We held back his younger brother and sister (both did an "extra" year of preschool, and didn't see the same problems. Instead, teachers often commented on their maturity and sense of responsibility.

I have a son with a July birthday at an independent school. He is in middle school, and sounds very much like the boy described above. The teachers have expressed concerns about his need to take more responsibility. I am not sure they recognize that he is 1 to 1 1/2 years younger than his classmates. Academically, he is thriving. It is a tough call to make when you have a bright child with a late birthday. We discussed this at length when he was ready for K. My husband was worried he would be bored and possibly act out if we held him back a year. He still believes we made the right call, whereas I am not so sure.

I'm the PP you quoted, and just want to add that neither of our younger kids was bored in the least. Their school (same one the oldest attended) offers plenty of challenges. Again, I wouldn't want to say that moving the oldest ahead was devastating, but having seen something of a controlled experiment with the younger 2, I think the oldest certainly would have benefited from having an extra year to catch up with the prevalent age cohort in his grade. I'll also note that all 3 kids have either taken or will take a gap year between HS and college. Again, greater maturity and the self-knowledge that comes with it is a valuable asset as young people take their first steps out into the world.

[Anonymous]

We're in the Baltimore area, so here a year of "pre-first" is common.

Our late-summer boy was recommended for pre-first. I was a bit surprised because he's academically doing just fine -- great reader, great at math -- but they said that it was more social and emotional. They reassured us that he would not be bored academically in pre-first. I believe it. It's not like the curriculum is THAT different between pre-first and first!

I feel a bit funny about it, because I never heard of "pre-first" until I moved here, but I do think the teachers know what they're talking about.

[Anonymous]

I think what a lot of parents and teachers are getting at is that some kids are more mature than others - and it's pretty clear as early as 4-5 years old. My son is an early May birthday and he's smart. He can do the work of kids a year older, for the most part. What drove our decision on kindergarten vs. pk was that he has always been socially more comfortable with the older kids in his class rather than the younger kids. We discussed with his teacher who said that he was socially mature and so even though he will always be one of the youngest and smallest in his class, he's able to get right in it with the older kids and that will work best for him. Go with what the teacher says - they have a huge sample size to go from!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what a lot of parents and teachers are getting at is that some kids are more mature than others - and it's pretty clear as early as 4-5 years old. My son is an early May birthday and he's smart. He can do the work of kids a year older, for the most part. What drove our decision on kindergarten vs. pk was that he has always been socially more comfortable with the older kids in his class rather than the younger kids. We discussed with his teacher who said that he was socially mature and so even though he will always be one of the youngest and smallest in his class, he's able to get right in it with the older kids and that will work best for him. Go with what the teacher says - they have a huge sample size to go from!

Yes, please, this. Your kids' teacher has observed your child in the classroom, where it matters, and can tell you based upon experience if your child should move on with his classmates or repeat the grade. I think the advice of "going with your gut" is so overrated when it comes to red-shirting. Most parents who want to red-shirt have never been classroom teachers.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the child.

I felt that our son was advanced and mature for his age, and wanted him to be in kinder, but he had a very late fall birthday (and far past the September cutoff) - so we enrolled him in PreK instead.

Two weeks into the school year (and without any urging from us), his pre-kindergarten teacher called us in one day to say that he really should be moved ahead/skipped a grade to kindergarten instead.

Being the very youngest in the class has motivated him, and he has always been mature, well-liked, respected, and at the top of the class.

I would trust the advice of your teacher, we did and have never regretted it.

[Anonymous]

+1

I would get very specific reasons from the teacher. I think the whole DC metro area has gone too far in holding kids back. I think, especially with very active boys, it is easier on the teacher if they are older and can sit still longer. But wiggling does not impede learning, it actually may enhance learning for some children; although it may be annoying to others.

People thought that we were crazy to get EA for my son, with a late Nov. birthday so he could start K at 4. He was big for his age and walked at nine months. And he wanted to go to K ( he had figured out some of the older kids in his preK class who were his friends would be going)and he was driving me and his preschool teacher crazy with constant questions and opinions and arguments. He couldn't read but he wanted to do everything he saw --- sing opera, play instruments, be an actor, do science experiments, organize his fellow students to do stage plays, etc. At four he would yell if his requests were ignored.

Some people will say he was a disturbed or special needs kid, but we knew he was very bright and a super active learner who needed more stimulation. He is now in high school and has transferred to a Big 3. He is doing fine although he is 18-24 months younger than most of his classmates. He is a self motivated, very high energy student with many friends who takes part in practically every after school activity and gets good grades. His teachers think he is great fun to teach because he is so engaged. He still needs very littler sleep. He no longer yells or wiggles.

My point is kids should not be held back just because they don't want to sit quietly and listen. Schools should change to allow more active kids to move more and learn in different ways.

[Anonymous]

12:59 here. Just note that it's not always about being active/wiggly. My son is very introverted, quiet, and shy. He has zero trouble focusing, sitting still, or following directions. In our case his teachers felt that he could benefit from another year to grow more confident and assertive before entering 1st. And I don't disagree -- I've noticed that the 6 year olds in his class do tend to dominate. They're perfectly nice kids, they're just... a lot older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: +1

I would get very specific reasons from the teacher. I think the whole DC metro area has gone too far in holding kids back. I think, especially with very active boys, it is easier on the teacher if they are older and can sit still longer. But wiggling does not impede learning, it actually may enhance learning for some children; although it may be annoying to others.

People thought that we were crazy to get EA for my son, with a late Nov. birthday so he could start K at 4. He was big for his age and walked at nine months. And he wanted to go to K ( he had figured out some of the older kids in his preK class who were his friends would be going)and he was driving me and his preschool teacher crazy with constant questions and opinions and arguments. He couldn't read but he wanted to do everything he saw --- sing opera, play instruments, be an actor, do science experiments, organize his fellow students to do stage plays, etc. At four he would yell if his requests were ignored.

Some people will say he was a disturbed or special needs kid, but we knew he was very bright and a super active learner who needed more stimulation. He is now in high school and has transferred to a Big 3. He is doing fine although he is 18-24 months younger than most of his classmates. He is a self motivated, very high energy student with many friends who takes part in practically every after school activity and gets good grades. His teachers think he is great fun to teach because he is so engaged. He still needs very littler sleep. He no longer yells or wiggles.

My point is kids should not be held back just because they don't want to sit quietly and listen. Schools should change to allow more active kids to move more and learn in different ways.

I am the previous poster with the late fall birthday son who was also skipped ahead. Like yours, he is 18-24 months than his classmates, but has had an exceptionally good experience every step along the way in his education. I am happy to hear that it has been a positive experience being the "youngest" for your son also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone ever experienced this situation where prek teacher Does not recommend advancing your child to kindergarten next year at your private school as they feel they are too young and not quite ready? If so, how have you handled? Switched schools?

Of course they want to hold back. They earn another year of tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on the child.

I felt that our son was advanced and mature for his age, and wanted him to be in kinder, but he had a very late fall birthday (and far past the September cutoff) - so we enrolled him in PreK instead.

Two weeks into the school year (and without any urging from us), his pre-kindergarten teacher called us in one day to say that he really should be moved ahead/skipped a grade to kindergarten instead.

Being the very youngest in the class has motivated him, and he has always been mature, well-liked, respected, and at the top of the class.

I would trust the advice of your teacher, we did and have never regretted it.

I would not necessarily trust the teacher. Not that she or he doesn't know but that there are many factor to consider. Your child is fkkmf to have to live at home an entire extra year before going to college. Have you considered that? I was a ambitious studious child and ready to head off to college. I'm very glad I wasn't held back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what a lot of parents and teachers are getting at is that some kids are more mature than others - and it's pretty clear as early as 4-5 years old. My son is an early May birthday and he's smart. He can do the work of kids a year older, for the most part. What drove our decision on kindergarten vs. pk was that he has always been socially more comfortable with the older kids in his class rather than the younger kids. We discussed with his teacher who said that he was socially mature and so even though he will always be one of the youngest and smallest in his class, he's able to get right in it with the older kids and that will work best for him. Go with what the teacher says - they have a huge sample size to go from!

Yes, please, this. Your kids' teacher has observed your child in the classroom, where it matters, and can tell you based upon experience if your child should move on with his classmates or repeat the grade. I think the advice of "going with your gut" is so overrated when it comes to red-shirting. Most parents who want to red-shirt have never been classroom teachers.

And most classroom teachers have never has an 18 year old highschooler living at home who should be in college and living on their own.

[Anonymous]

OP can I ask what school this is? I ask because other parents from that school could tell you if that teacher is good at assessing that age group. My friend wanted to hold he August boy back and the teacher said to put him in K and gave a good reason.

Just remember that it has nothing to do with how intelligent your kid is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what a lot of parents and teachers are getting at is that some kids are more mature than others - and it's pretty clear as early as 4-5 years old. My son is an early May birthday and he's smart. He can do the work of kids a year older, for the most part. What drove our decision on kindergarten vs. pk was that he has always been socially more comfortable with the older kids in his class rather than the younger kids. We discussed with his teacher who said that he was socially mature and so even though he will always be one of the youngest and smallest in his class, he's able to get right in it with the older kids and that will work best for him. Go with what the teacher says - they have a huge sample size to go from!

Yes, please, this. Your kids' teacher has observed your child in the classroom, where it matters, and can tell you based upon experience if your child should move on with his classmates or repeat the grade. I think the advice of "going with your gut" is so overrated when it comes to red-shirting. Most parents who want to red-shirt have never been classroom teachers.

And most classroom teachers have never has an 18 year old highschooler living at home who should be in college and living on their own.

There are many reasons why an 18-year old might still be living at home rather than going off to college--and blaming a kindergarten teacher for not suggesting holding him back a year is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on the child.

I felt that our son was advanced and mature for his age, and wanted him to be in kinder, but he had a very late fall birthday (and far past the September cutoff) - so we enrolled him in PreK instead.

Two weeks into the school year (and without any urging from us), his pre-kindergarten teacher called us in one day to say that he really should be moved ahead/skipped a grade to kindergarten instead.

Being the very youngest in the class has motivated him, and he has always been mature, well-liked, respected, and at the top of the class.

I would trust the advice of your teacher, we did and have never regretted it.

I would not necessarily trust the teacher. Not that she or he doesn't know but that there are many factor to consider. Your child is fkkmf to have to live at home an entire extra year before going to college. Have you considered that? I was a ambitious studious child and ready to head off to college. I'm very glad I wasn't held back.

You misread my post that you quoted. My son was a late fall (November/December) birthday who was skipped far ahead, not held back. He is the very youngest in his class by 12-18 months. And like you he is a mature, intelligent student who has benefitted from being advanced a grade and has enjoyed the status of being the youngest in his grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what a lot of parents and teachers are getting at is that some kids are more mature than others - and it's pretty clear as early as 4-5 years old. My son is an early May birthday and he's smart. He can do the work of kids a year older, for the most part. What drove our decision on kindergarten vs. pk was that he has always been socially more comfortable with the older kids in his class rather than the younger kids. We discussed with his teacher who said that he was socially mature and so even though he will always be one of the youngest and smallest in his class, he's able to get right in it with the older kids and that will work best for him. Go with what the teacher says - they have a huge sample size to go from!

Yes, please, this. Your kids' teacher has observed your child in the classroom, where it matters, and can tell you based upon experience if your child should move on with his classmates or repeat the grade. I think the advice of "going with your gut" is so overrated when it comes to red-shirting. Most parents who want to red-shirt have never been classroom teachers.

And most classroom teachers have never has an 18 year old highschooler living at home who should be in college and living on their own.

There are many reasons why an 18-year old might still be living at home rather than going off to college--and blaming a kindergarten teacher for not suggesting holding him back a year is absurd.

No. My point is that if you hold your child back then your child will not just be the oldest or an older child in kindergarten but also will be the oldest in their class as a senior in high school. Your child may be bored and tired of living at home. Had they not been held back, they would already be in college.