At my wits end, son keeps breaking everything

[Anonymous]

I hate to say it but I think you have to get punitive here. He's not four. He's old enough to understand that his actions lead to consequences. You also need to channel this curiosity into other avenues... maybe some kind of STEM camp or activity about robotics or design?

[Anonymous]

Op here again.

Great advice pps who suggested starting from scratch and the potent up being in the house and not really funneling that energy. I think you're both spot on. Thanks.

To the pp about only playing with toys. I agree, but again, is not like we permit him. I never thought he'd take down the figurine to play or look at it. He said it broke when he was putting it back.

The laptop was just sitting there, he never uses it, doesn't even know the password. I walked by and several letters were off the keyboard, charge, I think was involuntary. Twisted off the part you plug in to iPad.

Thanks for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but I think you have to get punitive here. He's not four. He's old enough to understand that his actions lead to consequences. You also need to channel this curiosity into other avenues... maybe some kind of STEM camp or activity about robotics or design?

Op here, yes. We do need to get punitive (I tjpought we were) but not really sure what to do. Seems like all our consequences dont make a difference. Good advice on stem/robotics overall b7t not sure how that would stop him at home.

[Anonymous]

Taking apart electronics? He's likely very bright and will grow up to do great things.

Please don't punish him for this. First of all, where the hell were the parents when the kid was dismantling a humidifier??? That's your fault. He's obviously curious. Channel that interest in a positive way. But him kits.

And do not punish him for accidents. Accidents happen. Period.

[Anonymous]

One thing you can do is get him kits for experimenting. He is curious how things work. I can't tell you how many clocks I took apart as a kid. Get him an old style windup alarm clock.

[Anonymous]

Parents don't need to watch a 7 year old every minute. Don't blame them. Family would prob benefit from some coaching advice for managing impulse behavior from an ADD kid. You don't want to kill the curiosity, but you do want to manage the behavior.

[Anonymous]

And give him some old/broken electronics that he can take apart. We gave a broken CD player to our daughter, she was so happy to take it apart and explore what's inside. Maybe pick up a bunch of free stuff that people are giving away on craigslist and let your son do whatever he wants with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking apart electronics? He's likely very bright and will grow up to do great things.

Please don't punish him for this. First of all, where the hell were the parents when the kid was dismantling a humidifier??? That's your fault. He's obviously curious. Channel that interest in a positive way. But him kits.

And do not punish him for accidents. Accidents happen. Period.

No, I don't agree at all. An accident is spilling your drink at dinner. Climbing up to reach an expensive figurine was no accident. If it were me, I would have shown my anger and made it clear how sad I was that something that meant a lot to me for broken. Then the next time he did anything like that, including taking apart electronics (also not okay!) there would be serious consequences. Some examples, no play dates for a month. No screen time for a week. Take away favorite toys. Ect.

He is old enough to know better and will keep doing it if he knows there will be no real consequence.

[Anonymous]

I've got a mix of this at home. Four boys in my house (if you count my DH). I feel like its a house of toddlers...and my kids are all in middle and high school!!
My hours are great kids and super laid back-not at all problematic or hyper. However, they are just, like, rough. My oldest boy is a football player and he's huge...and I swear that human kind has not yet created things that withstand his wrath. His bed frame is even now broken just from his size (he's not fat just really huge, 6 foot 4 and all heavy muscle).

When my boys walk around the house everything shakes. Walking down steps sounds like an avalanche. They don't just put a plate in the dishwasher--they smash it into the dishwasher. It's like living with four incredible hulks. Or four Lenny's from Of Mice and Men.

At this point I've kind of taken the stance that it's just stuff. Yeah it's annoying and it bums me out but it's just stuff. Things that I really want safe I keep away from the general areas of where the family spends the most amount of time. I continue to make buying purchases (furniture, dishes) as if I had a houseful of toddlers.

Side note OP: my youngest son was one of those take apart-ers. Oh my gosh he drove me insane when he was around 6-8. Everything in my house was taken apart and put back together. Today he is a super bright math science kid who spends his free time doing surgery online. Read "Snowball" (bio of warren buffet) he talks about how he made his parents insane doing the same thing. You'll at least get a laugh.

Not saying not to set boundaries and let your kid go crazy, just saying now that I am into the years when my kids are all older (one heading to college)...looking back I realize that sometimes you don't need to go all time-out and reward chart crazy over every single thing. It really is a balance of giving your kid boundaries but being able to chill out about the small stuff. Figurines break. A mouse is cheap. It's okay to just not worry about it. Plenty of stuff that's much bigger to worry about. And bottom line, boys are rough--and not just when they are little!! I call my 45 year old husband "The Crusher".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've got a mix of this at home. Four boys in my house (if you count my DH). I feel like its a house of toddlers...and my kids are all in middle and high school!!
My hours are great kids and super laid back-not at all problematic or hyper. However, they are just, like, rough. My oldest boy is a football player and he's huge...and I swear that human kind has not yet created things that withstand his wrath. His bed frame is even now broken just from his size (he's not fat just really huge, 6 foot 4 and all heavy muscle).

When my boys walk around the house everything shakes. Walking down steps sounds like an avalanche. They don't just put a plate in the dishwasher--they smash it into the dishwasher. It's like living with four incredible hulks. Or four Lenny's from Of Mice and Men.

At this point I've kind of taken the stance that it's just stuff. Yeah it's annoying and it bums me out but it's just stuff. Things that I really want safe I keep away from the general areas of where the family spends the most amount of time. I continue to make buying purchases (furniture, dishes) as if I had a houseful of toddlers.

Side note OP: my youngest son was one of those take apart-ers. Oh my gosh he drove me insane when he was around 6-8. Everything in my house was taken apart and put back together. Today he is a super bright math science kid who spends his free time doing surgery online. Read "Snowball" (bio of warren buffet) he talks about how he made his parents insane doing the same thing. You'll at least get a laugh.

Not saying not to set boundaries and let your kid go crazy, just saying now that I am into the years when my kids are all older (one heading to college)...looking back I realize that sometimes you don't need to go all time-out and reward chart crazy over every single thing. It really is a balance of giving your kid boundaries but being able to chill out about the small stuff. Figurines break. A mouse is cheap. It's okay to just not worry about it. Plenty of stuff that's much bigger to worry about. And bottom line, boys are rough--and not just when they are little!! I call my 45 year old husband "The Crusher".

Why do we always excuse boys for being "rough"? Can't they learn modify their behavior appropriately? Girls and women certainly do. We modify and modify and modify until we no longer know who we are. Meanwhile, males are just forgiven... "boys will be boys" and all that. I'm not just talking about smashing stuff.

It's really weird.

[Anonymous]

* sorry... learn TO modify

[Anonymous]

Maybe an erector set would keep him busy? And they have those sets with the snaps that funnel electricity and light things up. I think they're called snap circuits. Maybe those two items would keep his hands off household items?? At least for a while.

[Anonymous]

Go to the Goodwill and buy him some crap stuff to take apart. And get him some real toys like snap circuits. But it seems like the real problem is he can't control himself, or can't foresee the consequences of his actions, so maybe you need to focus on that.

[Anonymous]

A lot of good advice here.

First thing that comes to my mind is access -- humidifier, mouse, iPad chargers -- why does a 7 year old have access to all that? Of course if he is playing with that stuff then some of it will break. This should be a "not accessible for him to play with" rule, not an access rule.

If something expensive and fragile is within his reach, he should understand he's not to fool around with it. If he can't control himself, then remove it to somewhere where he can't mess around with it.

The issue here, it seems to me, is not that he is breaking things. It's that he is fooling around with things he shouldn't be, and things are being broken in the course of that.

These things aren't toys for 7 year olds, ADD or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This should be a "not accessible for him to play with" rule, not an access rule.

Whoops, sorry for the typo. It should be a "not accessible for him to play with" rule, not a "don't break it" rule.