Can I skip my SIL's bachelorette party?

[Anonymous]

I think husband skipping the bachelor party means you skip the bachelorette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think husband skipping the bachelor party means you skip the bachelorette.

This. I originally said you should go, but based on your update, I say skip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just tell her - hey SIL, I really want to help you celebrate your wedding, but childcare, etc. make getting away for a weekend really difficult. Could we find a time for me to (take you to a spa, go to tea, get dinner, etc) a different weekend?

Oh, I like that! I'll try to do something special just with her.

[Anonymous]

I agree. I think it's fine to skip it. Why not send a nice bottle of champagne to the hotel where they are staying?

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on the bride. If she's the very touchy type and would be hurt, it's not worth the hurt. Grin and bear it. If she is not, totally skip it -- she might also be thinking it would be awkward and doesn't want to get drunk around her big brother's wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, will there be other opportunities in the next several months where you can get to know your future SIL/BIL better than you do now?

I think so. We do spend time with them - it's just usually with other family members, and they have very busy, different lives than us, so visits are usually short and breezy. But you're right, we should try to see them more and on a deeper level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Skip it. Is she having a bridal shower? If so, plan to attend and possibly co-host the shower.

I have offered to co-host a bridal shower, but MIL is taking over. That's a whole other thread Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just tell her - hey SIL, I really want to help you celebrate your wedding, but childcare, etc. make getting away for a weekend really difficult. Could we find a time for me to (take you to a spa, go to tea, get dinner, etc) a different weekend?

I agree with this. Being specifically at the bachelorette isn't important, but building a relationship with your SIL is. So this is a great way to go about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -thanks for the fast responses!

I throttled it back in my post. DH is not really supportive of me going, he'll be shouldering most of the child care burden while I'm doing my business travel, and adding in another full weekend just for him is not what he wants to do.

He is also a groomsman in the wedding, and is skipping the destination bachelor party because of distance, expense, and not really knowing the groom.

Should I risk really pissing off my DH to go?

Why don't people do these things close by? I guess I'm also not supportive of the whole destination thing. If I didn't have a kid, I'd feel more inclined to go, but I'm really torn here.

She's having a destination wedding as well? Then you can skip this. No wedding requires two round trip tickets for one person. Tell her it's not in your budget.

Oh, no, sorry, I wasn't clear. The wedding is nearby(ish).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally depends on the bride. If she's the very touchy type and would be hurt, it's not worth the hurt. Grin and bear it. If she is not, totally skip it -- she might also be thinking it would be awkward and doesn't want to get drunk around her big brother's wife.

She's not touchy, I don't think she would be hurt at all and would certainly understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I think it's fine to skip it. Why not send a nice bottle of champagne to the hotel where they are staying?

That sounds like a plan. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think husband skipping the bachelor party means you skip the bachelorette.

This. I originally said you should go, but based on your update, I say skip.

12:46 here. +2. I agree. Skip it.

[Anonymous]

I'm also deciding whether to attend the bachelorette weekend with a group of bridesmaids I don't know that well - but the bride is my longest standing friend. I have two children, including a baby & we're still nursing, and logistically it will be challenging but I'm leaning towards going because if I build a bond with these ladies before the wedding, the wedding itself will be a lot more fun and I want to genuinely have a blast at one of my best friend's weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I skipped my now-SIL's bachelorette party under almost the identical circumstances and there wasn't a problem. Truth be told, it would have been awkward to be the odd (wo)man out when 8 other women had all been her friends since high school or college days or even before. I would have been the different vibe and the cause of awkwardness as I'd have to be filled in on all the inside jokes or private discussions, etc when I wasn't really a confidante at that time.

It was the right choice. SIL and I are now friends, but I don't regret not going.

How awkward would it be to get drunk and rauncy with an SIL?

Skip it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just tell her - hey SIL, I really want to help you celebrate your wedding, but childcare, etc. make getting away for a weekend really difficult. Could we find a time for me to (take you to a spa, go to tea, get dinner, etc) a different weekend?

This.