ILs constantly comment about my toddler's "schedule"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were 7pm sleepers as toddlers. I stuck to it and was disciplined even though my parents think that starting dinner prep for a 2 yr old at 8pm is normal and that I had a control issue. They eventually got over it.

I am now reaping the benefits of a disciplined bedtime. My oldest is now 8. She is allowed to stay up until 8 and then can lay in bed and read until 8:30. Lights out at 8:30. Her friends parents are amazed that she goes to bed like this every night. They want to know how to get their child to sleep before 11. In the morning, my child showers before school, gets herself breakfast and than watches tv until it's time to leave. I can't tell you how many mornings her friends have arrived late to school because Larla couldn't get up. Of course she couldnt, she was up until 11!

OP-- you are doing the right thing. You are setting your kids up for a successful day and a sucessful future routine. Hold your ground.

I am 100% supportive of OPs gripes with the in laws and totally agree with the normalcy of her schedule, but your comments rub me the wrong way. I've met quite a few parents who pat themselves on the back for their A+ parenting attributed to "sticking to the schedule, schedule, schedule!" Guess what? A lot of them just ended up with good sleepers. I religiously followed a schedule and strict bedtime routine and still ended up with a 10 pm toddler. Doesn't matter when I put him down, that's when he falls asleep. You get who you get.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would just smile and say, "Oh, no, it's not an issue! We have a good schedule that works for us."

Are your ILs the type who can't get up in the morning? If so, there may be some genuine sense that they couldn't handle what works fine for you.

But yeah, I would be tempted to ask them not to comment on the schedule anymore. I mean, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were 7pm sleepers as toddlers. I stuck to it and was disciplined even though my parents think that starting dinner prep for a 2 yr old at 8pm is normal and that I had a control issue. They eventually got over it.

I am now reaping the benefits of a disciplined bedtime. My oldest is now 8. She is allowed to stay up until 8 and then can lay in bed and read until 8:30. Lights out at 8:30. Her friends parents are amazed that she goes to bed like this every night. They want to know how to get their child to sleep before 11. In the morning, my child showers before school, gets herself breakfast and than watches tv until it's time to leave. I can't tell you how many mornings her friends have arrived late to school because Larla couldn't get up. Of course she couldnt, she was up until 11!

OP-- you are doing the right thing. You are setting your kids up for a successful day and a sucessful future routine. Hold your ground.

I am 100% supportive of OPs gripes with the in laws and totally agree with the normalcy of her schedule, but your comments rub me the wrong way. I've met quite a few parents who pat themselves on the back for their A+ parenting attributed to "sticking to the schedule, schedule, schedule!" Guess what? A lot of them just ended up with good sleepers. I religiously followed a schedule and strict bedtime routine and still ended up with a 10 pm toddler. Doesn't matter when I put him down, that's when he falls asleep. You get who you get.

+1

I never said my kids started out as great sleepers jus that I was disciplined. I had to work with them and teach them how to go bed. My youngest would stay up until 12 or 1 if I let him. I had to become very disciplined about naps, rides in the car, lots of evening exercise to burn off energy. When I started teaching him to go to bed early, I slowly put him to bed earlier and earlier. So yes, I understand that not all children are born early sleepers.

[Anonymous]

Are you at their house? A concerned look on your face and a "oh dear , I didn't realize what trouble this is for you. Next time we will stay in a hotel "
Only if they really like you staying with them of course

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were 7pm sleepers as toddlers. I stuck to it and was disciplined even though my parents think that starting dinner prep for a 2 yr old at 8pm is normal and that I had a control issue. They eventually got over it.

I am now reaping the benefits of a disciplined bedtime. My oldest is now 8. She is allowed to stay up until 8 and then can lay in bed and read until 8:30. Lights out at 8:30. Her friends parents are amazed that she goes to bed like this every night. They want to know how to get their child to sleep before 11. In the morning, my child showers before school, gets herself breakfast and than watches tv until it's time to leave. I can't tell you how many mornings her friends have arrived late to school because Larla couldn't get up. Of course she couldnt, she was up until 11!

OP-- you are doing the right thing. You are setting your kids up for a successful day and a sucessful future routine. Hold your ground.

I am 100% supportive of OPs gripes with the in laws and totally agree with the normalcy of her schedule, but your comments rub me the wrong way. I've met quite a few parents who pat themselves on the back for their A+ parenting attributed to "sticking to the schedule, schedule, schedule!" Guess what? A lot of them just ended up with good sleepers. I religiously followed a schedule and strict bedtime routine and still ended up with a 10 pm toddler. Doesn't matter when I put him down, that's when he falls asleep. You get who you get.

+1

I never said my kids started out as great sleepers jus that I was disciplined. I had to work with them and teach them how to go bed. My youngest would stay up until 12 or 1 if I let him. I had to become very disciplined about naps, rides in the car, lots of evening exercise to burn off energy. When I started teaching him to go to bed early, I slowly put him to bed earlier and earlier. So yes, I understand that not all children are born early sleepers.

And some of us have also done all those things without the same results. Some kids just can't be trained against their natural sleep cycles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids were 7pm sleepers as toddlers. I stuck to it and was disciplined even though my parents think that starting dinner prep for a 2 yr old at 8pm is normal and that I had a control issue. They eventually got over it.

I am now reaping the benefits of a disciplined bedtime. My oldest is now 8. She is allowed to stay up until 8 and then can lay in bed and read until 8:30. Lights out at 8:30. Her friends parents are amazed that she goes to bed like this every night. They want to know how to get their child to sleep before 11. In the morning, my child showers before school, gets herself breakfast and than watches tv until it's time to leave. I can't tell you how many mornings her friends have arrived late to school because Larla couldn't get up. Of course she couldnt, she was up until 11!

OP-- you are doing the right thing. You are setting your kids up for a successful day and a sucessful future routine. Hold your ground.

Oh, brother!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - If you don't nip this shit in the bud, it will go on for years. Tell your DH to tell his relatives to STFU. If he won't tell them, you need to stop being a doormat and tell then to STFU.

Good luck.

Is the bellicosity really necessary? Clearly IL's are out of line, but is that cause to go into DEFCON III?

[Anonymous]

My kids are in bed by 6:45. I get comments all the time. I say, "I know! I can't believe it either." Because I can't. While it's awesome most nights but we say no to an awful lot. Oh, I have a 4, 2 and 9 month old.

[Anonymous]

This is one to feel firm in the knowledge that you're right, and then just let it roll off your back.

But personally that sounds like a pretty great schedule: bedtime late enough for some post work time with your kid, but early enough to have some adult only time before you're exhausted. And 6:30-7 is a great wake up time - not super early (we had a 4:30 period once - *that* was insanely early), but early enough to not make the morning rush insane. When kids get a bit older they'll need to be up for school.

[Anonymous]

I don't think your schedule is unusual--but are you very "hard core" about it? Meaning, whenever a family party/dinner/event is planned, you jump right in, mentioning your kid's "schedule" and how everyone else must be a "slave to the nap" and fit everything around it? If so, maybe that annoys them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your schedule is unusual--but are you very "hard core" about it? Meaning, whenever a family party/dinner/event is planned, you jump right in, mentioning your kid's "schedule" and how everyone else must be a "slave to the nap" and fit everything around it? If so, maybe that annoys them.

Op here - nope not really. Though perhaps we were more so when DC was a less reliable sleeper. However, most recently at T-giving we made it a point to let him stay up (since most of the ILs don't like to get up until it's basically his nap time so at least they could see him in the evening), but he just gets tired and cranky by 8, generating - you guessed it - more irritating comments.

Also, when we went on family vacation this summer, we ALWAYS had to eat alone because they did not want to a accommodate DC's "early" schedule (ie dinner at 630/7). Most mornings, we went out to breakfast on our own so as not to make a ton of noise in the house in the mornings while everyone else slept. We decided we will not do that "vacation" anymore. Basically, this has been brewing for some time. Mind boggling to me since my own parents make it a priority to see DC even if it means "early" dinner.

Thanks for all the tips everyone.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, so annoying. My in laws know about dad's schedule but ignore it and just do whatever they want, including late breakfasts and dinners so we just end up bringing our own food and eating on her schedule. fuck 'em!!!

[Anonymous]

Ugh, my family are all early risers who would love that schedule! We're all night owls and get the same comments, in reverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you at their house? A concerned look on your face and a "oh dear , I didn't realize what trouble this is for you. Next time we will stay in a hotel "
Only if they really like you staying with them of course

We have a winner! This plus the comment about time alone with DH should shut them up. If not, move to a hotel. You shouldn't be on edge for all of Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Oh I would jump all over the gift that they just handed you.

"Wow! Our family schedule doesn't seem to work for everyone else right now. Once he is older, we can try family holidays again, but for the next few years we will stay at home."