Overly sensitive or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm being overly sensitive. They just always manage to say something like how it's best to marry within the religion or they'll ask me over and over again how we're going to raise DD or they'll say something about "those crazy Islamists," etc. It's just a little alienating sometimes.

SIL's comment in and of itself isn't bad--but that context is bad, and that is the issue.

Does DH speak up when they imply your marriage is inferior or when they bash Muslims? Heck, do you?

"Well, and sometimes marrying outside the faith is just the thing!" And smile lovingly at DH.

Or, "Hey, you do remember that I am Muslim, right? I would appreciate it if you could refrain from wholesale bashing of all Muslims."

I wouldn’t say any of these things unless you want your relationship with your IL’s to go off the rails.
They are very devoted to their faith. They have strong beliefs. Respect that. You don’t have to believe what they do, but do not insult them.
You have said they have been very welcoming to you. This could be because your faith, as a Muslim, is not prominent (you have said you were raised in a secular home).
If they have been accepting of you, I would not take this encounter as any kind of insult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm being overly sensitive. They just always manage to say something like how it's best to marry within the religion or they'll ask me over and over again how we're going to raise DD or they'll say something about "those crazy Islamists," etc. It's just a little alienating sometimes.

SIL's comment in and of itself isn't bad--but that context is bad, and that is the issue.

Does DH speak up when they imply your marriage is inferior or when they bash Muslims? Heck, do you?

"Well, and sometimes marrying outside the faith is just the thing!" And smile lovingly at DH.

Or, "Hey, you do remember that I am Muslim, right? I would appreciate it if you could refrain from wholesale bashing of all Muslims."

I wouldn’t say any of these things unless you want your relationship with your IL’s to go off the rails.
They are very devoted to their faith. They have strong beliefs. Respect that. You don’t have to believe what they do, but do not insult them.
You have said they have been very welcoming to you. This could be because your faith, as a Muslim, is not prominent (you have said you were raised in a secular home).
If they have been accepting of you, I would not take this encounter as any kind of insult.

+1. A lot of posters on this forum believe in "shutting down" perceived slights, but if you treat your relationships as some sort of war, you're just going to end up with a really uncomfortable, lousy relationship with their inlaws, which is what those posters have. You know that in their heart of hearts they are probably disappointed that their son did not marry a Christian, and that is probably what is bothering you for real here. But if they are treating you with kindness and respect you have to accept them the same way they have accepted you. It's part of being a mature, reasonable adult.

[Anonymous]

SIL wants to marry someone with the same beliefs, so what.
She is talking about what is important to her for her marriage
If no one talks down about you and DH, let it go.
You can find so ethi g important for yourself, but does not mean it is criticizing others who do things differently.

[Anonymous]

I think you are being too sensitive. My Jewish friends really want their boys to marry Jewish girls. I am not offended that my girls are not "good enough" or whatever.

Everybody has preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being too sensitive. My Jewish friends really want their boys to marry Jewish girls. I am not offended that my girls are not "good enough" or whatever.

Everybody has preferences.

This is in no way comparable to OP's situation. The only way it would be comparable is if one of your non-Jewish daughters was already married to one of their Jewish boys and they made those same comments about wanting their sons to marry Jewish girls.

OP, your ILs sound like insensitive assholes, but then again, what did you expect from them? As a PP said, this is the way it is with people who are so conservative in their faith that they can't really and truly accept others. It sounds like they've welcomed you as best as they can, but you just need to accept you'll never be completely "good enough" in their eyes and move on. Your DH should grow a pair and stick up for you every once in awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being too sensitive. My Jewish friends really want their boys to marry Jewish girls. I am not offended that my girls are not "good enough" or whatever.

Everybody has preferences.

This is in no way comparable to OP's situation. The only way it would be comparable is if one of your non-Jewish daughters was already married to one of their Jewish boys and they made those same comments about wanting their sons to marry Jewish girls.

OP, your ILs sound like insensitive assholes, but then again, what did you expect from them? As a PP said, this is the way it is with people who are so conservative in their faith that they can't really and truly accept others. It sounds like they've welcomed you as best as they can, but you just need to accept you'll never be completely "good enough" in their eyes and move on. Your DH should grow a pair and stick up for you every once in awhile.

Wow. I bet you are one of the posters in family relationships who is ranting about ILs at the holidays. Why make everything out to be a confrontation?

[Anonymous]

NP here. I get what PP above is saying. She's saying they don't truly accept OP and that's okay because everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions and to move on. That's not a confrontation. OP's DH should stick up for her if the ILs comments are directed towards OP. Otherwise, OP and DH should probably just put their heads down and get through the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Let it go unless it is aimed directly at you.

The problem comes with passive aggressive digs, and I don't think this exchange was about you at all. After all, they have the right to their own opinions, even they don't dovetail with your own.

My parents are of two different ethnicities, culture, religion and language. My grandmother told me straight to my face that people of different races shouldn't marry. Well, her loss, not mine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I get what PP above is saying. She's saying they don't truly accept OP and that's okay because everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions and to move on. That's not a confrontation. OP's DH should stick up for her if the ILs comments are directed towards OP. Otherwise, OP and DH should probably just put their heads down and get through the holidays.

+1. Just ride it out, OP. You don't have to be best pals with everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Let it go unless it is aimed directly at you.

The problem comes with passive aggressive digs, and I don't think this exchange was about you at all. After all, they have the right to their own opinions, even they don't dovetail with your own.

My parents are of two different ethnicities, culture, religion and language. My grandmother told me straight to my face that people of different races shouldn't marry. Well, her loss, not mine!

Right, but it is passive aggressive.