Should we tell the teacher or call the principle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a case of "older sibling syndrome"

Mention it to the teacher and leave it for her to handle.

+1

Let me guess he is your oldest child.

He has an older brother.

Be thankful you son tells you stuff. Be discrete if you tell the teacher otherwise that line of communication will be cut off forever.

Principal... NOT!

[Anonymous]

Notify teacher. Express concern that while you realize children repeat stories and say inappropriate things to get attention, this seemed particularly graphic and concerning. Ask that your child be moved (if seating is assigned) or tell your child to sit elsewhere if he has the freedom to choose seats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I would call the school right now and talk to the principal. If you are in a decent school, they will come down on gross boy like a ton of bricks. It is not "normal talk" for a third grader. Ignore the middle schoolers who like to post on this board and convince you its ok. Its not ok.

Not a middle schooler, but I think it's kinda normal. Inappropriate, but normal.

+1 Stop helicoptering.

What a stupid comment. Its not helicoptering, its notifying the admin that a student is potentially being abused.

Seriously? (Seriously question). If the boy were talking about heterosexual sex, would you say he is being abused?

[Anonymous]

Watch some old episodes of South Park. This is what 8 year olds talk about, along with all that swearing. If you are concerned, tell him to walk away or try to put it in context for him and explain what you think about what is appropriate. No one wants their kids to learn stuff like that from other kids, but its going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch some old episodes of South Park. This is what 8 year olds talk about, along with all that swearing. If you are concerned, tell him to walk away or try to put it in context for him and explain what you think about what is appropriate. No one wants their kids to learn stuff like that from other kids, but its going to happen.

My 9 yr old DS goes to an RM cluster. I'm 99% positive that this is not normal talk amongst his friends. Holy cow! Too young. Yes, they talk potty talk, but not like this where it's overtly sexual. It's more along the lines of poop, an "OMG, he said penis, isn't that funny!". But I don't think it's ever sexual in nature. We've had the "where do babies come from talk". So I don't think DS would be embarrassed to ask us questions regarding this kind of thing.

I do agree, that eventually, kids will talk about things like this, and they will learn from each other (and misinformation along with it). But 8 seems way too young. I also agree with another PP that it could be that the other boy has an older sibling who's said these things to the younger boy. My 9 yr old has said things to my 6 yr old that was probably not appropriate for the 6 yr old to hear.

This is a tough one. I'm not a heli-parent, believe me. But at this age, this kind of talk is a bit disturbing. I would mention it to the teacher.

[Anonymous]

I know that 8-9 year old kids do talk about inappropriate things. Kids are exposed to music videos - Robin Thicke, Nikky Minaz - and know the words to these songs.

They have older siblings who talk trash in front of them. It is important that you tell your child that it is inappropriate and that he should walk away. However, if your kid is seen as a snitch he will start getting excluded. This is more damaging.

By all means tell the teacher that inappropriate conversation is happening and you would want your kid to be moved to a different lunch table. However, do not be specific or ask for the boys to be disciplined. And don't make it a bigger deal than it is.

And no, these kids are not getting sexually abused!

[Anonymous]

Be careful about labeling the other family, OP. It may come back to haunt you, if they are the retaliatory type. Try not to create too much drama, or you will be labeled "that family" who tries to create trouble for other families. Bad news for you.

Email the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Notify teacher. Express concern that while you realize children repeat stories and say inappropriate things to get attention, this seemed particularly graphic and concerning. Ask that your child be moved (if seating is assigned) or tell your child to sit elsewhere if he has the freedom to choose seats.

Don't ask your kid to be moved. You won't come off well at all.

If you say anything, say you aren't sure if this is a legit concern or just a phase of development you weren't expecting to happen so soon, but your son repeated the following to you at dinner: FILL IN BLANK WITH ONE SENTENCE. Then simply say you are leaving it to her to handle as she sees fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notify teacher. Express concern that while you realize children repeat stories and say inappropriate things to get attention, this seemed particularly graphic and concerning. Ask that your child be moved (if seating is assigned) or tell your child to sit elsewhere if he has the freedom to choose seats.

Don't ask your kid to be moved. You won't come off well at all.

If you say anything, say you aren't sure if this is a legit concern or just a phase of development you weren't expecting to happen so soon, but your son repeated the following to you at dinner: FILL IN BLANK WITH ONE SENTENCE. Then simply say you are leaving it to her to handle as she sees fit.

Not sure why you think that. My DS had a similar issue with a "friend" in 2nd grade. This other kid was definitely spouting inappropriate stuff and generally acting out. My DS thought he was funny. It's like they brought out the worst in each other. The teacher recognized the issue and, while I did ask after one incident that they not sit together at lunchtime, she explained she was already planning to separate them at lunch. It's been my experience that the teachers have a good grasp of personalities, and the best actions to take to keep (relative!) calm and order in their classrooms. I don't think a parent will come off poorly by making a seating request, especially if instead of saying: "Keep my angel Bobby away from that little terror Johnny," you say something like, "I think Bobby and Johnny will both behave better and make better choices if they're kept apart."

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I see that responses to your post are all over the board. As a parent (and former school counselor) I would talk to DS about why such conversations and jokes are inappropriate for school. I would send an email to the teacher and the school counselor. If the jokes and conversations are happening at lunch then they are likely happening at other times also.

PP's- just because "it's what they do" that doesn't mean it's appropriate. If that's what happens in their houses (or in your houses, PP's) then it's no biggie- I'm all for live and let live. But there is still a time and place and the lunch table with many other kids is not the time or the place.

OP- specifically mention in your email that you would like for your son's name NOT to be mentioned if this issue is addressed with the boy. For most teachers and counselors this would be a no-brainer, but you never know. You want to be on the safe side and not have any blow back land on your son. As a school counselor I said to kids, "A teacher walked by and heard your conversation", or something similar. Many kids are focused on their own things during lunch that they don't pay attention to nearby adults.

Good luck, OP

[Anonymous]

Very good advice from PP!

I wanted to add my opinion -- this is pretty normal for a couple 3rd graders to be making jokes about this kind of stuff; often they hear it from older siblings, 6th graders on the bus etc. Doesn't mean it is appropriate for them to repeat it!

I remember my 2nd grade boy coming home and telling me, "Mom do you know it is physically impossible for someone to lick his own penis?" I said something like "Huh, I didn't not know that". AFter a long pause he said to me, "Mom, why would someone want to like their penis?"

He was just repeating stuff he had heard on the bus from the big kids. It sounded naughty and was highly interesting to him, but he didn't really understand it.

When kids talk like this it doesn't mean they have been abused, necessarily. They are usually just repeating stuff they have heard, because they don't know what else to do with it, and because it sounds naughty and funny and will make the other kids laugh and get attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd email the teacher and copy the principal.

+1

I'm a teacher. That behavior is totally inappropriate and needs to be taken seriously. The principal should have a discussion with this boy and his parents. Teachers can handle "Susie said she's not my friend anymore" disputes but this is on another level.

[Anonymous]

Parent of two boys, the second of whom surely has older-brother syndrome: I'd email the teacher, let her know there's inappropriate talk at lunch. I think you have to share the details so that she's aware it's more explicit than the norm. (I think it is.) Both my kids' classes have gone thru phases where lunch seating was assigned, mostly because kids weren't behaving right. So the teacher has an easy remedy.

I wouldn't go to the principal on this. It's really not appropriate or necessary. I can't imagine how inefficient a school would be if the principal keeps getting dragged in by parents every time a 3rd grade boy says the word penis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is in 3rd grade in a public School. It seems there are a bunch of boys sitting together during lunch time. One boy has been talking about
Inappropriate things and jokes(private parts), the other boys all think it's funny and laugh. DS came back and told me the jokes, sometimes tried to use it.
I stopped him and told him it's not age appropriate, asked him not copy.
Today, DS told me what this boy said, it made me really concerned. The boy mentioned guys holds penis and tongue licked together. I was shocked.
DS has no idea what it means, just thinking it's funny. I don't want DS to hear this kind of things everyday from this boy.
Am I overreact here? Should I tell the teacher or the principle? Let them talk to the boy's parents. It happened during lunch time.

Thanks for your input!!

You are way overreacting OP. Don't make a big deal of it, and it will go away. Kids say all kinds of inappropriate things and its totally normal. The stuff that goes on in schools will shock you - and this is across the board public and private.

[Anonymous]

I agree it's older sibling syndrome, as PP put it. Definitely inappropriate, defibitely normal, and not necessary a sign of abuse. I would let the teacher know so they can talk to the class in a general way about inappropriate conversation at the lunch table without calling anyone specific out. If it continues she can talk to the kid directly. It's not a big deal, but I don't want my kid learning about BJs in third grade at the lunch table, and potentially talking about it with his younger sister. It's inappropriate.