Nervous about infant's exposure to family member with herpes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can totally understand. While it's very unlikely that genital herpes would spread from a person with very good hygiene in this manner, if your mom can't reliably wash her hands after touching her genitals, there is a tiny risk of spreading. I'd ask your doctor if it's something to be very concerned about. In general, what I'd do is just have the hard and fast rule that everyone who holds the baby has to wash their hands with soap immediately before picking him up. We had that rule for our preemie and nobody was offended, as long as you make everyone do it.

Personally, my bigger worry was people with oral herpes. One of my cousins had a cold sore and I had to ask her not to kiss him. (I told her that we asked everyone not to kiss him.) And then of course she kissed him -- numerous times -- and said she just forgot. Luckily (so far) he doesn't seem to have gotten the herpes virus from her, but I finally had to say, "You have an open cold sore on your face. That's the herpes virus. I really cannot have you touching his face with an open herpes sore." I'm sorry that I had to embarrass her that way but I was furious that she kept kissing him even when we asked her not to!

Good for you. How did she take it?

PP here. She was defensive -- basically said that everyone has cold sores and it's not a big deal. I didn't point out that I'd never had a cold sore; I just said that the neonatologists said that it actually would be a very, very big deal for our preemie to get herpes and that I knew the last thing she would want to do is send him to the NICU again. She didn't say anything again about it after that, and she also didn't kiss him again as far as I could see, but I know she was hurt and she didn't come back to visit for months.

The ironic thing is that she is the only member of my family who visited to help and was incredibly helpful and loving. I had a c-section and a preemie in the NICU and she came when he was 6 weeks old and she saved my sanity for a week and let me sleep for an hour or two at a time, so I was incredibly grateful. The last thing I wanted to do was drive her away, and I really couldn't fathom why she kept kissing him when I asked her not to, since she was so thoughtful and giving in every other way. I think she really did poo-pooh the seriousness of oral herpes, since she's had cold sores for so long and just considers them normal.

Wow. I've been getting cold sores once in a while since my childhood (although hardly ever since I fixed my vitamin D status a few years ago), and I would never kiss anybody, much less a baby, and certainly not a preemie, when I had an outbreak. How clueless of your otherwise helpful cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should talk to your doctor. I do know someone who got it from an uncle (non-sexually) as a child...because he had to tell his GF in college who was my roommate.

He really pulled one over on her

[Anonymous]

OMG people for the last time. Just because you don't have a cold sore or have never had one doesn't mean YOU DON'T carry the virus.

The fact that the human race still exists at this point with people like this walking around is astounding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG people for the last time. Just because you don't have a cold sore or have never had one doesn't mean YOU DON'T carry the virus.

The fact that the human race still exists at this point with people like this walking around is astounding.

Your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cold sores to a healthy person are no big deal. They can be annoying and embarrassing when you get older though.

But for a newborn they can be deadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cold sores to a healthy person are no big deal. They can be annoying and embarrassing when you get older though.

But for a newborn they can be deadly.

Yes. My friend's newborn died because she kissed her, not knowing she had a brand new cold sore infection (from dad). If a mom has oral herpes while pregnant, the fetus builds some immunity/antibodies. But brand new exposure? Deadly. Her infant died at 10 days old.

[Anonymous]

Personally, my bigger worry was people with oral herpes. One of my cousins had a cold sore and I had to ask her not to kiss him. (I told her that we asked everyone not to kiss him.) And then of course she kissed him -- numerous times -- and said she just forgot. Luckily (so far) he doesn't seem to have gotten the herpes virus from her, but I finally had to say, "You have an open cold sore on your face. That's the herpes virus. I really cannot have you touching his face with an open herpes sore." I'm sorry that I had to embarrass her that way but I was furious that she kept kissing him even when we asked her not to!

Good grief, you should have just been honest with her in the first place about why you didn't want her to kiss him. It could be that she was uneducated about oral herpes and how easily it is to transmit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should talk to your doctor. I do know someone who got it from an uncle (non-sexually) as a child...because he had to tell his GF in college who was my roommate.

He really pulled one over on her

Yeah, something isn't right about this guy's story. Somebody pulled one over on someone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Personally, my bigger worry was people with oral herpes. One of my cousins had a cold sore and I had to ask her not to kiss him. (I told her that we asked everyone not to kiss him.) And then of course she kissed him -- numerous times -- and said she just forgot. Luckily (so far) he doesn't seem to have gotten the herpes virus from her, but I finally had to say, "You have an open cold sore on your face. That's the herpes virus. I really cannot have you touching his face with an open herpes sore." I'm sorry that I had to embarrass her that way but I was furious that she kept kissing him even when we asked her not to!

Good grief, you should have just been honest with her in the first place about why you didn't want her to kiss him. It could be that she was uneducated about oral herpes and how easily it is to transmit.

PP. I did mention oral herpes to her as one of the reasons why the doctor did not want anyone kissing him. It was only when she persisted in kissing him that I called her out on having an open cold sore. I guess I could have personalized it from the start but I didn't want to immediately call her out on it - I thought a general "please don't kiss the baby on the face because the neonatologist said catching oral herpes or other infections spread through kissing could land him back in the NICU" would be respected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Personally, my bigger worry was people with oral herpes. One of my cousins had a cold sore and I had to ask her not to kiss him. (I told her that we asked everyone not to kiss him.) And then of course she kissed him -- numerous times -- and said she just forgot. Luckily (so far) he doesn't seem to have gotten the herpes virus from her, but I finally had to say, "You have an open cold sore on your face. That's the herpes virus. I really cannot have you touching his face with an open herpes sore." I'm sorry that I had to embarrass her that way but I was furious that she kept kissing him even when we asked her not to!

Good grief, you should have just been honest with her in the first place about why you didn't want her to kiss him. It could be that she was uneducated about oral herpes and how easily it is to transmit.

PP. I did mention oral herpes to her as one of the reasons why the doctor did not want anyone kissing him. It was only when she persisted in kissing him that I called her out on having an open cold sore. I guess I could have personalized it from the start but I didn't want to immediately call her out on it - I thought a general "please don't kiss the baby on the face because the neonatologist said catching oral herpes or other infections spread through kissing could land him back in the NICU" would be respected.

[Anonymous]

I thought a general "please don't kiss the baby on the face because the neonatologist said catching oral herpes or other infections spread through kissing could land him back in the NICU" would be respected

That's not what you represented that you initially said to her. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I thought a general "please don't kiss the baby on the face because the neonatologist said catching oral herpes or other infections spread through kissing could land him back in the NICU" would be respected

That's not what you represented that you initially said to her. Whatever.

NP here. It doesn't matter what exactly she said. Just saying "please don't kiss my baby" without giving a reason at all should stop any reasonable person from doing it.