Lessons You've Learned

[Anonymous]

Being a painfully shy middle aged woman who wants out of her 20 year marriage sucks.

[Anonymous]

This seems so sexist but in my 40s, I've finally learned that romantic relationships do not work out unless the man is the one pursuing more than the woman. A relationship in which I've been more into the guy than vice versa has NEVER worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things I've learned:

1. Fight fair- most important thing I learned in marriage.

2. Don't believe the image people put out of their lives- people very carefully craft their image now thanks to Facebook etc. and no one has it that much better than you do!

3. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Boy, is 3. ever true! If he's lazy as a boyfriend, it will be worse, ten times worse, in marriage. If he claims his sex drive will improve once you're living together, run far away quickly!!

[Anonymous]

Marry the one you really truly love and want to be with. Not the one that seems right to everyone else. But the one that feels right to you, even if they have hurt you before.

[Anonymous]

If someone is moody/unstable early in the relationship, it will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

You need to say you're sorry when you mess up/hurt someone, even if it wasn't on purpose.

Build people up and make them feel good about themselves.

Be gentle if you have to say something negative. Ridiculing someone, even if it's about something silly, can hurt and may make you come off like a mean person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marry the one you really truly love and want to be with. Not the one that seems right to everyone else. But the one that feels right to you, even if they have hurt you before.

Great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to say you're sorry when you mess up/hurt someone, even if it wasn't on purpose.

Build people up and make them feel good about themselves.

Be gentle if you have to say something negative. Ridiculing someone, even if it's about something silly, can hurt and may make you come off like a mean person.

All of this. Also,

Be compassionate.


Mean people are usually unhappy about something, most likely themselves, and use belittling others to make themselves feel better. Steer clear of these people.

People talk about how people can't change. I don't think that's true. Everyone changes over the course of their lifetime. But where relationships are concerned, the important thing to remember is that you cannot change them into what you want. You cannot control that change. So find someone whose core values and behaviors you respect and can tolerate and go from there.

Worrying and trying to control everything gets you nowhere fast. The only thing you can control is your own behavior.