Pulling double duty on holidays

[Anonymous]

I grew up having two Thanksgivings, Christmases, and Easters. It doesn't seem weird to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, doing it your way is fine. Doing it your SIL's way is fine, too. Y'all have just chosen to do it differently.

If you're OK with the way you're doing it, I don't see why you care if your SIL does it differently.

If you're not OK with the way you are doing it, that's not your SIL's fault -- that's on you for not standing up for yourself.

Honestly it sounds from here like you don't much like that particular SIL and are looking for things to justify your dislike.

[Anonymous]

I think her approach sounds more reasonable than yours. She's not wrong for not overextending herself and her family on the holidays. The "why can't she put up with it like the rest of us" reasoning just reveals that you don't really enjoy putting up with it either.

[Anonymous]

If you're sad about losing time with that branch of the family, perhaps invite them to do some other activity at some point over thanksgiving weekend. Like you say, they're not traveling far so they should be available the rest of the weekend. But try and respect the fact that they don't want to spend thanksgiving day rushing from one place to the next.

[Anonymous]

Actually, OP, you are in the wrong. It is very common to alternate holidays. I'm pretty sure your SIL is not saying that she will not see the "other" family at all during Thanksgiving or Christmas season. She will not do two Thanksgiving dinners on the same day and the same thing for Christmas. Maybe she will go to her in-laws house the day before or after the holiday to celebrate. You should do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

After we had children, we chose to have major holiday meals at our house and create our own traditions. In mid-Jan., all in laws, were invited to a post holiday n buffet. No presents, no turkey, just a nice family gathering. It has worked out very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two Thanksgiving Day meals on the same day? Ridiculous.

I used to do three when I was single. Divorced grandparents with divorced parents. Nonsense.

When I married my DH and he wanted to make it 5 I tried one year then said enough. My house or nothing. Or we alternate.

I actually enjoy the holidays now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After we had children, we chose to have major holiday meals at our house and create our own traditions. In mid-Jan., all in laws, were invited to a post holiday n buffet. No presents, no turkey, just a nice family gathering. It has worked out very well.

I like the idea, a lot. May borrow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up having two Thanksgivings, Christmases, and Easters. It doesn't seem weird to me.

On the same day??? That's the part that's nuts.

[Anonymous]

We don't hold the date of the actual holiday sacred if it means too much stress. My DH's siblings (all within 2 hrs) do Christmas the weekend after (or on NEw Years if the timing works). "Real" Christmas is a hodgepodge of people for us and it varies each year. The sibling day is separate.

My siblings do Thanksgiving on Columbus Day weekend which is Canadian Thanksgiving as a nod to our Canadian mother. Travel is cheaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to juggle two families and locations on one holiday, go for it. Don't presume to speak for someone else who may not feel up for that. Holidays can be exhausting as it is without all that rushing around. And two Thanksgiving meals in one day is just nuts. If your parents are that upset about not seeing kids/grandkids for one freaking day when they live within a thirty minute drive and can see them any other day, they can suck it up and learn to get along with your husband's parents.

I agree. Both our families were local until recently and we alternated holidays. TG with his family, Xmas with mine one year; next year the reverse. And both sets of parents always insisted on reminding us that they were flexible and did not mind if we didn't keep to so me rigidly even schedule, which was awesome of them. To me, I would rather spend a nice relaxed full day with one family and then do the same with the other side for the next holiday rather than feeling like I got two half-assed visits in in one day. I feel like we really need that longer time period for it to feel like quality time to us because of our dispositions. Others would rather see as many people as possible on the day of the holiday, and that's great for them, so that's what they should do, but this is what works for us. So OP, keep doing what works for your family, but try to understand that someone else doing something different doesn't mean they are less dedicated, just that they have a different way of approaching quality time with family.