Unusual In-Laws Issue

[Anonymous]

Have your wife show you, with numbers, exactly how she expects her grandpa to financially support himself based on whatever his income is and what his expenses are. Maybe if she sees the budget written out, some more compassion with bubble up to the surface.

You are a very nice boy for being so concerned about your grandfather in law. It speaks highly of your character to be so conflicted about your loyalties here and trying to do right by everyone.

[Anonymous]

Was he living alone before this? How did he support himself then? Have you been paying him rent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you're prioritizing the grandfather over your marriage and your relationship?

You sound noble, and well-intentioned, I suppose, but I really wonder about the wife's perspective on this.

There are other ways to ensure that the grandfather is cared for, that don't jeopardize your marriage.

Is it possible that you are really hurting your wife, not taking her concerns seriously, not considering other solutions, etc...?

I love my family, but I also want my own life. And I want to build my own family, with my own traditions, with my husband. If your wife has been putting that off for a decade and now faces the prospect of finally fulfilling those dreams, but faces a husband who is standing in the way and painting her as this horrible person while doing so, that sounds pretty tough to me.

She had no problem using her grandfather for a DECADE and is now willing to toss him aside because it is no longer necessary. She is a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

What about a home with a MIL suite in part of the house? Grandpa and you each get personal space. IF that's what Grandpa is interested in, of course. You make some very valid points, I hope you guys can come to a mutually agreeable solution!

[Anonymous]

I agree with the person who observed that DW was happy to use grandpa when it suited her, and is casting him off now. Seems so selfish to this objective reader. 10 years!

What does grandpa want?

[Anonymous]

I'd be stressed out trying to raise young children, take care of my parents AND take care of my grandparent.
where are her parents (the adult children) of her grandfather? Where are her siblings (the other adult grandchildren)? You need a family intervention if an elderly member cannot pay his rent or bills. there are many options, start looking into them.

something is off with your post. many, many couples do not have enough money, resources or room to care for multiple generations of their family of origin. it's hard enough paying it forward to your kids (which for many of American culture is the goal: raise your kids and don't be too big a burden on them later).

Other cultures have other priorities (e.g. I raised my kids, now they take care of me no matter what).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the person who observed that DW was happy to use grandpa when it suited her, and is casting him off now. Seems so selfish to this objective reader. 10 years!

What does grandpa want?

I thought they were traveling overseas on/off most of the time? Used grandpa as a base. Grandpa may have liked the company and rental income. Co-dependency?

Maybe OP doesn't like his wife so wants someone else in the house 24/7 so they can all avoid talking through issues or household matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My wife and I make decent money but didn't move several reasons, the principal one being that until recently, we both traveled overseas a lot for our jobs and never really had time. I changed jobs and my wife changed careers.

We live in a pretty mediocre apartment in DC. Neither of us care much about keeping up with the Jonses and basically are just looking to upgrade for more space.

All three of you lived in an apartment in DC for 10 years while you and/or your wife traveled a ton for work.

I think it is time for you to get a place of your own and give it a go. Help grandpa find a place within his means, with his friends, etc.

[Anonymous]

Oh for goodness sake. How the heck old is grandpa? He is a grandpa and is not going to be around forever! Make sure he is comfortable and stay involved . help him but move on and start your life with your wife and soon to be family. Grandpa WILL understand! Stop being so judgemental of your wife. It is her grandpa after all. Sounds like you have a bit of Catholic guilt to me. Have you asked him what he wants?

[Anonymous]

Is he grandpa or your grandpappy?