No Way Out ...

[Anonymous]

OP again. I have no problem setting boundaries or refusing gifts, but DH is very protective of his father (MIL is not his mother). They have a ... difficult ... marriage full of miscommunications and hurt feelings, and while DH would stand by me if I refused a gift or made a big statement about what she can and cannot buy for us, it would make him (DH) deeply unhappy to put his father in the middle of the fallout with MIL. So, as long as we're only talking a couple of times a year, and as long as they don't demand to see items in use in between infrequent visits to our home, I'm choosing instead to seethe silently and vent online.

[Anonymous]

My MIL wanted to decorate our baby's room with posters of saints. We told her "no". thankfully she usually ask firsts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL wanted to decorate our baby's room with posters of saints. We told her "no". thankfully she usually ask firsts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse. My MIL brings a "bulky item" from her basement (so it is at least 25 years old) that she designates for my boys or my husband every time she comes over (which is quite often since she lives 25 minutes away).

Keep for a year or so, two tops, and then contact MIL and say "we really appreciate the use of X (large item) but we don't use it anymore. Would you like it back or should we donate it?" Make it a point to do this to all of the large bulky items and she'll get the idea that you are not planning on saving anything for more than 2 years, let alone, 25 more years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL wanted to decorate our baby's room with posters of saints. We told her "no". thankfully she usually ask firsts.

If you wanted to be pointed, turn them over and say "Oh, how wonderful! Junior loves large drawing paper. We'll have so much fun with markers and crayons! Thank you!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse. My MIL brings a "bulky item" from her basement (so it is at least 25 years old) that she designates for my boys or my husband every time she comes over (which is quite often since she lives 25 minutes away).

Keep for a year or so, two tops, and then contact MIL and say "we really appreciate the use of X (large item) but we don't use it anymore. Would you like it back or should we donate it?" Make it a point to do this to all of the large bulky items and she'll get the idea that you are not planning on saving anything for more than 2 years, let alone, 25 more years.

Talk about poking the bear! You can give it away quietly and let MIL notice quietly next time she visits. No one need say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse. My MIL brings a "bulky item" from her basement (so it is at least 25 years old) that she designates for my boys or my husband every time she comes over (which is quite often since she lives 25 minutes away).

YES. Omg. Why does my MIL still have all of DH's toys from when he was born??? They seriously gave DD a doll that they purchased when MIL was pregnant with DH and they didn't know if he'd be a boy or a girl. Then they kept it for 32 years and gave it to DD. (Then DD lost it and I feel terrible. Bad all around.) And a small desk and chair, and an activity tray, and a set of stacking cups, etc. I'm honestly curious at this point how much more she's saved.

Not anywhere near being a mil. My kids are teens but I am saving exactly what they are asking me to save. Personally, I would give it all away now. Perhaps these were special items you all are complaining about that meant something to your spouse as a child. My DD, for example, wants me to keep a beautiful hand painted child's table and chairs that used to be in her roo. My DS still balks at the idea of giving away his trains or dinosaurs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one else is reminded of Kevin Costner? Damn.

Oh, my, yes. That was a great movie because my husband liked the story and I liked... Kevin Costner! Remember watching that one several times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be worse. My MIL brings a "bulky item" from her basement (so it is at least 25 years old) that she designates for my boys or my husband every time she comes over (which is quite often since she lives 25 minutes away).

YES. Omg. Why does my MIL still have all of DH's toys from when he was born??? They seriously gave DD a doll that they purchased when MIL was pregnant with DH and they didn't know if he'd be a boy or a girl. Then they kept it for 32 years and gave it to DD. (Then DD lost it and I feel terrible. Bad all around.) And a small desk and chair, and an activity tray, and a set of stacking cups, etc. I'm honestly curious at this point how much more she's saved.

Not anywhere near being a mil. My kids are teens but I am saving exactly what they are asking me to save. Personally, I would give it all away now. Perhaps these were special items you all are complaining about that meant something to your spouse as a child. My DD, for example, wants me to keep a beautiful hand painted child's table and chairs that used to be in her roo. My DS still balks at the idea of giving away his trains or dinosaurs.

Seriously? You think we're complaining about receiving large items that another adult who lives in our house asked for in the first place? In that case, the beef would be with spouse, not MIL if we didn't like it. For example, my DH has several large, heavy, 1930s/40s pieces of dark, overly-decorative furniture that look like they came out of the over-stuffed tenements they did (picture lion carvings on everything). He won't get rid of them, I hate them. His grandparents, who gave him this furniture, are not the problem. I get the emotional attachment he has to them, but I don't want to look at them every day. So ... we continue to negotiate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL wanted to decorate our baby's room with posters of saints. We told her "no". thankfully she usually ask firsts.

If you wanted to be pointed, turn them over and say "Oh, how wonderful! Junior loves large drawing paper. We'll have so much fun with markers and crayons! Thank you!"

That will make you look like a ginormous moron. And a passive-aggressive one, to boot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL wanted to decorate our baby's room with posters of saints. We told her "no". thankfully she usually ask firsts.

If you wanted to be pointed, turn them over and say "Oh, how wonderful! Junior loves large drawing paper. We'll have so much fun with markers and crayons! Thank you!"

How nasty would that be? I had epic fallouts with my MIL and would never do this.