Second babies: how to decide and how do you deal?

[Anonymous]

OP- I could have written your post, almost verbatim. I feel exactly the same way! My son (now 17 months) was also very easy although I didn't realize it at the time. I also struggled with a bit of PPD, was totally neurotic about his sleeping, and things like was i playing with him enough, etc. etc. The newborn stage and lack of sleep, plus the total change to our lives, was really hard for me. Even though now things are a million times better, I still feel at times like life is barely manageable-- hardly any time for myself and definitely my husband and I's relationship has changed. Some for the better, but at times I miss our pre-baby relationship.

Now I feel like I'm at a point where if we're going to have another baby, I should get going soon (for a variety of reasons). But I just don't know if I feel ready for the changes a new baby will bring. I've talked to others about it and I think maybe you never feel 100% totally "ready"-- you just do it, and you may have a period of months or even a year or two where life is crazy, but it will pass and will get better.

One small piece of advice is, as others PP's have said, to wait at least a few months. Before my son turned 1, I could not have IMAGINED getting pregnant again. But the last few months, I have really seen my son "grow up" and having another baby is starting to seem like a possibility (albeit still a small one). Also, do what you can to reach out and connect with other new moms, schedule playdates, whatever. This has helped me tremendously.

I realize I don't have much advice for you, but overall I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone or crazy for feeling this way. Take care!

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all the responses. PP, sounds like you and I could be twins.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with those who said that you are in the trenches right now and to give yourself a break. I have only one, so I can't speak from experience on the decision-making process to have another, but I CAN speak from experience about how stressful the first year can be! I am 35, as well, and though it's not 25, in my mind I still think I have time to decide about a #2. I have friends our age who are still discussing the very IDEA of kids, so I think maybe that's why I feel like I have a buffer. Perhaps as time goes by your feelings will change and you will feel it in your heart--or you will at least feel less overwhelmed.

I wish you all the very best! You are not alone with these feelings, for sure.