Your parents and your inlaws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special events, as others have said. MIL and my mom do not get along at all, and both fathers are extremely introverted. MIL and mom do correspond occasionally - send each other photos of the grandkids if one gets a particularly good shot, holiday cards, flowers for funerals (e.g., when my grandmother died). They are pleasant to each other when they see each other but they have nothing in common besides the grandchildren

I don't know, it sounds like they interact a lot for not getting along. My mother and MIL do not communicate at all.

After I wrote it I wondered if it was too contradictory. What happens is they both play the game of being fake-polite in person then bitch about the other one after the fact. So it's easier to keep them apart when feasible. I guess I was comparing them to my brother's ILs who get along with my parents and have dinner with them a couple of times a year

[Anonymous]

My parents have me my in-laws once, at our wedding. That was 8 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
5 times in 13 years of knowing each other.

They live in the same city but really have nothing in common.

Don't you ever have a BBQ, a kids birthday party, Christmas, thanksgiving?
That's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think my in-laws like my parents and it doesn't bother me. They don't live in the same town anyway so we would never have a reason for everyone to be together.

I thought it was normal for in-laws to not be friends. It's nice if they're friendly with one another but I have known of other friends' in-laws who avoid seeing each other.

That's strange. My parents were close with all of my siblings in laws. some people think it's normal to not get along, that's weird.

[Anonymous]

They've physically seen each other 3 times in 7 years. Once when we were dating and they traveled through our state, bridal shower, and wedding. They do send each other birthday and Christmas cards, and do like each other. Theres a huge age difference, and they dont have much in common. When we see one set of parents, they often give us goodies or trinkets to pass to the other.

I was very spoiled growing up because my parent's parents always got along. My mom's mom will go to my dad's nieces weddings, and vice versa. My grandparents have been to each other's BBQ's and have even spent christmas / thanksgiving at each other's places. My mom's sister and my dad's sister were childhood friends, so they already knew each other. Some of my cousins even call the other "grandma" when they see her.

[Anonymous]

Thanksgiving, kids birthday, holidays. My husband's sister is getting married this year and mother is HIGHLEY insulted they are not invited. It is all I have heard about for the past month. I think my in laws should suck it up and invite my parents but I'm kind of over the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Once, 7 years ago (our wedding). My in-laws do not live in the United States and my MIL is scared to fly. We only see them when we go there....

[Anonymous]

Married decades ago. My parents and in laws live on two different PLANETS. Over the years we watched those worlds to collide by just feeding them so much that their differences wouldn't take precedence over the event- whatever that was. Liquor helped, too.Some of their conversations would have been great copy for an SNL skit, though...and my husband and I were always nervous in trying to keep things peppy.

They are all now in their mid eighties and nineties... one of them is now deceased. Nothing has changed,other that the surviving spouse is now invited to all of the other family events (by the in laws if they are the inviters) no matter what -out of kindness, but to this day,they still have absolutely nothing in common,and, really, they do not like each other AT ALL! Each has declared this privately to their respective offspring. Nevertheless, they send each other BD and holiday cards and have made a good charade out of the awkward arrangement. They did their best.

We are now making an effort to do the same with the in-laws of our married children, although we aren't as divided as our parents' situation - we just have limited in common.

[Anonymous]

My parents live in Florida and my MIL lives in Oregon. We just celebrated our 12th anniversary and were a couple for 2.5 years before that. They've seen each other in person 3 times including our wedding weekend. They like each other, but it's easier on us to have them visit at different times rather than have them in the house at the same time. But they get along well and ask about each other a lot. We keep them informed of what's going on in each others' lives but they don't speak a lot in person.

[Anonymous]

All the time! We are all local and my parents and in-laws have a lot in common (age, politics, some hobbies, education). They first met when we had been dating only 6 months and hit it off right away. I feel very lucky it worked out this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents have me my in-laws once, at our wedding. That was 8 years ago.

+1. They live far from here and far from one another.

I'd rather take a header off a bridge than spend time with all 4 of them at once.

[Anonymous]

They live 16 hours away, so no socializing. They don't have much in common in any case. Still, my mom sends MIL a Christmas card, and in return occasionally gets one back...a month or two after Christmas. Guess MIL really wants to be clear that my mom is an afterthought. So, so passive aggressive and rude.

[Anonymous]

Ours became very close friends. They get together a couple times a month to play cards or go out to dinner. They see each other more often than we see any of them!

[Anonymous]

My parents see my MIL about four times a year when we host events at our home (Christmas, kids' birthdays). My FIL lives in Florida and he rarely visits. I can't recall the last time he was in the same place as my parents.

[Anonymous]

My MIL goes on my family's beach vacation every year (we get separate hotel rooms)! They also have each have a winter condo in Florida in the same development (we encouraged MIL to get one there after parents bought one). In Florida they saw each other about once per week. Otherwise, just our beach vacation and maybe one other time per year at our house for an occasion. They speak on the phone about once per week (mom and MIL). FIL is not alive.