Daughter's friend got a tattoo - she is in 11th grade

[Anonymous]

9:05 here.

Also, if your daughter pushes the issue, there are a lot of things you could discuss that might put her off the idea. It hurts. It takes time to heal. Your body will not always look the way it does at 18 and things stretch, droop, etc. There are trends in tattoos just like anything else, and what is "cool" now will likely be deeply uncool later - see the tribal tattoos, Chinese letters, Taz, etc. tattoos that were popular and edgy in the 90s and how dumb they look now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all intents and purposes, this is a decision that is permanent. Why would anyone think a 16 year old is ready for such a decision? When she's on her own, fine. But until then, no permanent ink on the body.

Well, she can get an abortion at that age, even younger and on her own without parent knowledge or permission, and that is just as permanent as a tattoo. In fact moreso since she can have the tattoo reversed later if she wants. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a tattoo when I was 18, and while I am not crazy about it (truthfully, I was never crazy about it -- I desperately wanted a tattoo and chickened out at the parlor and got something much smaller than what I really wanted), I have absolutely no regrets. whenever I see it, it reminds me of an great time I had with my high school girlfriends (we all got inked that day) and of a time in my life that was carefree and adventurous.

Fwiw, tattoos tend to be painful and not that cheap, so unless your child is a total sheep, you probably don't have to worry about someone talking her into getting one...but if she really wants one, you probably can't talk her out of it either.

This is how I got mine, too! Maybe you are one of my friends?

I do hate my tattoo now (90s-era tramp stamps are particularly unflattering when surrounded by postpartum love handles). I'm glad to have served as a cautionary tale to my younger siblings who were constantly told how much I regret mine.

Some parents have the philosophy of "My kid is set on [insert illicit activity] anyway, so it's better if I sanction/supervise." This can be worse than negligent parenting IMO. Make it clear to your daughter that there will be repercussions for getting a tattoo as long as you're supporting her, but that once she's on her own she can do as she wishes and leave it at that. The more you express your opinion about it the more likely she is to assert hers. If she really wants one it will be worth the wait.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for your DD's friend. OP, perhaps you and your DD could have a positive influence on her. Taking a child out of school to get a tatoo is outrageous. Imagine what her home life must be like. I think you're feeling sad because you see real potential in her, but can tell that she has absolutely no support at home. Maybe you really can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for your DD's friend. OP, perhaps you and your DD could have a positive influence on her. Taking a child out of school to get a tatoo is outrageous. Imagine what her home life must be like. I think you're feeling sad because you see real potential in her, but can tell that she has absolutely no support at home. Maybe you really can help.

While I agree that it's not appropriate to take a kid out of school to get a tattoo (school's been in for like 5 minutes - they couldn't have done this last week?), I completely disagree that her home life must be terrible because of this or that she has no support at home. Maybe it was a cool bonding experience for this girl and her mom. I'm the PP at 9:05 with tattoos and I am now wondering if this is how my parent friends see me - as a parent who cannot possibly have a positive, healthy relationship with my daughter or provide her support at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for your DD's friend. OP, perhaps you and your DD could have a positive influence on her. Taking a child out of school to get a tatoo is outrageous. Imagine what her home life must be like. I think you're feeling sad because you see real potential in her, but can tell that she has absolutely no support at home. Maybe you really can help.

While I agree that it's not appropriate to take a kid out of school to get a tattoo (school's been in for like 5 minutes - they couldn't have done this last week?), I completely disagree that her home life must be terrible because of this or that she has no support at home. Maybe it was a cool bonding experience for this girl and her mom. I'm the PP at 9:05 with tattoos and I am now wondering if this is how my parent friends see me - as a parent who cannot possibly have a positive, healthy relationship with my daughter or provide her support at home.

No, they don't -- not if they are actually your friends, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know of any legitimate tattoo parlor that will take someone under 18.

With a parent's permission and presence, yes they will. "No, we don't want your money." Said no business ever.

I know of several tattoo studios that won't take anyone under 18, even with parental permission.

[Anonymous]

I think the red flag in here is pulling the daughter out of school to do it...

[Anonymous]

Low-class.

Akin to taking your underage kid out of school to do some shots at the bar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all intents and purposes, this is a decision that is permanent. Why would anyone think a 16 year old is ready for such a decision? When she's on her own, fine. But until then, no permanent ink on the body.

Well, she can get an abortion at that age, even younger and on her own without parent knowledge or permission, and that is just as permanent as a tattoo. In fact moreso since she can have the tattoo reversed later if she wants. Just saying.

A baby is usually pretty permanent, too. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

I got my first tattoo at 18 and I don't regret it but knowing what I know now, I should have waited and saved more money for it and gone to a better artist and not the "guy who did my friend's ink." I ended up adding to it later on instead. I think the tricky bit is that the mom pulled her kid out of school for it. If the mom knew her kid was going to get a tattoo regardless of whether she gave permission then maybe she took her to a reputable place instead of having some random person do the tattoo in a basement with a machine bought off ebay (this is how my friends were doing it before we all turned 18, presumably kids have access to the same stuff we did when we were kids).

If it were my kid, I'd explain my tattoos and tell him/her the pros and cons. I'd also tell them that I hoped they respected their body enough to be careful what they did with it, in the same way they could get piercings or use drugs or alcohol. Hopefully OP's daughter will listen to mom's wishes and at least wait until she is 18 to do it safely.

[Anonymous]

Can't it come down to parents make different decisions, that parent made a decision that she determined was appropriate for her family. In our family you will need to be 18 to make the decision and may I reccoment quality counts and try not to get it anywhere that busines clothes don't cover. Forbidding it and making it only the province of the cool family may make it so much more desirable, postponing it to a more reasonable point may bring into it more thought.

I used to think them pretty trashy but they have become so common even in some professional circles that I now think of it as more being discrete.

[Anonymous]

I would assume that these parents will furnish your child with alcohol and let her smoke pot in their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the red flag in here is pulling the daughter out of school to do it...

That's exactly what I was thinking!

[Anonymous]

Who cares. Seriously. Maybe she'll regret it later. Maybe she won't. That goes for everything we do ever day of our lives. It's a tattoo. Not like she cut of her hand.