"Comparable" Housing

[Anonymous]

Why can't you like somewhere without security? Are you a celebrity?

[Anonymous]

No, I'm not. I am, however, in an abusive relationship and my therapist is afraid my STBX will try to kill me when he finds out I'm leaving. Abuse happens across all races, income levels, religions, you name it. My work is putting a security plan in place, too, on the day I leave.

[Anonymous]

There is no requirement other than what housing codes require.

[Anonymous]

If your kids are the same sex, they could share a room forever. My parents were married and my sister and I shared a room for years. Then I shared rooms in college, and shared one bathroom with up to 4 other people. Learning to live in a small space with others is a valuable experience in general. Find a three-bedroom with a decent-sized second bedroom for the kids, put 'em in bunk beds or twin beds and stop worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

Rent 3 bedroom, subdivide master into two bedrooms with a temporary wall divider.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of the au pair. That is just ridiculous. Poor girl.

[Anonymous]

At least in DC, there is no requirement that the housing be comparable. It only needs to be safe and appropriate given the circumstances. Two same sex kids sharing a room is neither unsafe nor inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the au pair. That is just ridiculous. Poor girl.

+1. Leaving her in your abusive ex's home, even part of the time? WTF?

[Anonymous]

So what is the au pair going to do when the kids are with your ex?

[Anonymous]

If you are worried about safety, maybe consider a domestic violence shelter. Otherwise, pay for a private security guard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what is the au pair going to do when the kids are with your ex?

She wants to stay with the kids wherever they are, so she wants to go back and forth, too. She is far from a "poor girl" being taken advantage of. She is intelligent, kind and supportive.

[Anonymous]

So you want security to keep you safe from your ex but you have no qualms about sending an au pair to work at his house? Just find a baby sitter who can drive. If your kids are older, they don't need anymore than that. You need a driver basically. Au pairs are more expensive. You pay for their housing, food, salary, car/health insurance, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you want security to keep you safe from your ex but you have no qualms about sending an au pair to work at his house? Just find a baby sitter who can drive. If your kids are older, they don't need anymore than that. You need a driver basically. Au pairs are more expensive. You pay for their housing, food, salary, car/health insurance, etc.

I don't get this either. If you husband is dangerous, there is no way the au pair should be working at his home. Does the au pair agency know all this drama is going on?

[Anonymous]

People are worried my husband will hurt me. Not the kids or the au pair. By your logic the kids shouldn't go, either. Nobody is worried about him hurting anybody else. Just me. There are trained professionals involved. As it turns out, there's a study I might be able to make into a bedroom so the problem may be sved anyway. And I've already got the car, insurance, etc. you cite. My question was simply whether I had to give my kids their own room. Turns out I might not have to if I can make the study work although they may have to share a bath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are worried my husband will hurt me. Not the kids or the au pair. By your logic the kids shouldn't go, either. Nobody is worried about him hurting anybody else. Just me. There are trained professionals involved. As it turns out, there's a study I might be able to make into a bedroom so the problem may be sved anyway. And I've already got the car, insurance, etc. you cite. My question was simply whether I had to give my kids their own room. Turns out I might not have to if I can make the study work although they may have to share a bath.

It is a strange question. Many kids share rooms. Why would you "have" to give your kids their own bedroom or bathroom. I never had my own bathroom growing up. We have 4 people (often 6 when grandparents come for a month or two) in a small 3 bedroom house with one bathroom and make it work. You will make it work too.