My values are out of whack and I have envy. Damn

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. Just keep reminding yourself that it could be worse. You could be me. Divorce, foreclosure, bankruptcy, even putting down your 14 YO pet. Then I saw a latina at a major intersection in my town this week with a sign...."Out of work... two kids.... no money...." and boy, did I remember to count my blessings as I handed her a buck.

Not asking for sympathy. Just remember it could be worse.

[Anonymous]

OP, check out this website. I discovered it last summer from a DCUM thread about good websites. It is my way to instantly get a better perspective on life.

http://www.happinessproject.typepad.com/

[Anonymous]

I bought a pair of sneakers today with a gift certificate I got for Christmas. I cannot tell you how precious this box of shoes felt to me when I brought it home. It took me a long time to pick them out, and I've been thinking about them and admiring them all evening. I never used to think twice about the things I bought. It was just more stuff. If it didn't work out, I just bought something different. No biggy. Now we are on such a tight budget that I haven't bought clothes in a year. We don't spend money on anything frivolous. I am selling things around the house on Craigslist so we can go camping this summer and maybe treat ourselves to a few extras. Sigh. But I must say I appreciate things so much more now, and in some ways it's really not so bad. There can be joy in simplicity. Last night I made pizza crust for the first time ever because I didn't want to spend the money on a Boboli crust (and we don't eat out like I mentioned). You know what? It was delicious! Best pizza I've had in a really really long time, and it was quite fun to make too.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it's healthy to acknowledge to yourself that you're pissed off about losing things like this. We all want things to go our way. What would be unhealthy would be to be unable to let the anger go and to dwell on it. So go ahead and be mad and punch a pillow while you're at it! Then try to move on.

(But I should say, I wish I were as good at taking my own advice as I am at giving it.)

[Anonymous]

OP, I think a lot of people feel the way you do. It's a tough economy and it's getting worse by the day. We are also much tighter than ever and it is a weird feeling. Especially, when you have felt rich before. And I feel everyone around us is still spending lavishly on vacations, clothes, parties, whatever and we can't participate like I want. Our kids will probably have to go to public schools. I try to remember that it could be a lot worse.

[Anonymous]

OP - another person here who can relate to what you are feeling. At the end of the day, we have a great life yet I still feel like you say - a girl stomping around who isn't getting her way - because I can't buy anything I want anymore or go on vacations. Yet of course all my friends and neighbors seem to still be able to do those things, which makes it worse.

That said, I appreciate the perspective some have given in this thread, especially the woman who recently lost her husband. My heart dropped when I read your post. I'm very sorry for your loss and indeed it is hearing things like what you wrote that make me appreciate what I have.

[Anonymous]

OP - I feel the same way sometimes, so I can sympathize! It's hard to be totally unaffected by the constant news about things getting worse all over the place. Who among us can read that this is the worst economy since the 1930's and be unaffected? I think sometimes it can be hard to deal with what's happening on a macro level so you end up dwelling on stuff at the micro level, i.e. your own life. In my case, I'm single and recently became a mom, so I've had to rein in my spending in so many ways I never expected. (and I wasn't exactly a spendthrift before.) I try not to think about what would happen if I lost my job, now that I have a dependent.

I did lose my job once before - in late 2007. One way I spent my time was volunteering with the homeless through a program my church does with the Salvation Army. It was probably the best thing I could ever have done. It truly made me appreciate that even though I didn't have a job, I was still blessed with a warm home (unemployment paid my mortgage) and food (paid for by savings) and a family and friends. The people we were feeding didn't have homes, and they didn't have guaranteed meals, and some of them had no family. It was a real eye-opener, and whenever I start feeling sorry for myself in my new poorer state of being, I think about the people that program feeds. You might explore a similar volunteer opportunity if you think it might help.

[Anonymous]

I'm sort of enjoying the economic downturn. (Wow, I'm going to get flamed for this.) We're both in secure jobs, making the same money as ever, with the same quality of life as ever. The thing is, we're both in education, which means that our "same quality of life" used to be lots less fancy than other people's. Now, everyone else is tightening their belts, and it's no longer embarrassing to say "we can't afford that". People aren't asking us to have dinner at chichi steakhouses anymore. We feel much less bad about our inability to spend three weeks in Europe, because our friends aren't doing it anymore, either. I don't enjoy seeing people unhappy or frightened, but I am kind of happy about losing the social anxiety I used to have about money.

I realize that's off-topic. Sorry.

Oh, and OP: You write very well. If you're jobless, who knows, maybe you could do some pick-up work in that field.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally feel the same way. We are REALLY cutting back right now, and though I know it is the prudent thing to do, it is a major bummer to look at our plans for the year and realize the will be almost no date nights, no new clothes (so I better hope nothing gets damaged), no vacations . . . I know that we a still far better off than many people in this country, and I'm grateful for what we have, but it does make be feel a bit down to know that I won't be getting any of that fun, enjoyable stuff this year.

[Anonymous]

OP, your post is so relevant to me. I just yelled at DH because we can't afford to eat take-out Chinese twice a week, as we did just a few months ago. How superficial can I be? But I so, so, so miss that take-out, the break from cooking twice a week, the great food! It was an indulgence, and it didn't really cost that much. But now it's gone, and I'm metaphorically stomping around like a spoiled child.

I'm also resenting my neighbors who don't have the financial constraints we have. What irks me is that they have no conception that it is painful not to be able to afford the lifestyle you once had, no matter what level that lifestyle was.

[Anonymous]

11:59, you rock.

[Anonymous]

OP:

I second the comments on your writing style! I also wanted to make a comment on the fact that some of your "similarly situated" friends are not going through this. While we have the same income today as we did last year, we do live in fear of a job change in the near future. It means we have to make different decisions than we had planned and that we are studiously paying down debt and socking away what we can. While on the surface your friends may seem like they are doing ok/the same as usual, you honestly never know. I can imagine my friends thinking that about us and it just isn't true.

[Anonymous]

I was reading an article the other day that mentioned enjoying what you have rather than focusing on what you don't have. Every now and then, I get the green-eyed monster but I find for the most part that I have to not worry about what someone else may seem to have (you never know what goes on behind closed doors in terms of relationships or money etc.) but if I am happy with my life.

One thing I will admit is that while you can find some free and inexpensive things to do in this area, most things cost some money. While you mentioned cutting back - there is cutting back as in we can't afford to put gas in the car so we have no money for extras at all. Then there is cutting back as in, we only eat out once a month rather than every week. I would find it difficult to not be able to afford anything. Assuming this isn't a barely surviving situation you can find lower cost ways to still enjoy things with your family. When I think back to my childhood I remember playing Monopoly with my dad, I remember competing against my dad playing space invaders on Atari, I remember going for a scoop of icecream at Friendly's after church, I remember Friday night pizza and sometimes Saturday night chinese food. While our lives weren't filled with camps and lessons I do remember getting to try iceskating and gymnastics - going to dance camp one summer, piano lessons for awhile. We never took family vacations but there were so many other things we did do. I'm not sure what your parent's situation was but if they didn't have a lot - try to remember the things you did as a family that made you happy. I'm not one to say you don't need any money. Nor am I the type of person that could say hey kids let's put together a puppet show and sing a la Sound of Music - and can make something out of nothing. But I do think if you still have something left after cutting back - you can find ways to do things and give your kids the types of experiences they will remember 20 years from now without it being super expensive.

[Anonymous]

Compared to most people on this forum, we are really poor !!! We've always been very careful with our spending, since I became a SAHM and our HHI is so much less than all of yours I'm afraid to even give a number. We live in a small home needing work. Our values are great, though. We buy from garage sales, consignment shops, etc,... We find activities & events that are free or low cost. We really value and enjoy religion & belonging to a place of worship.