s/o Midline birth defects - am I to blame?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I am the OP of the spina Bifida thread. Not saying you son has it, who knows. But I do know that if you are anything like me you are very sensitive to the subject. Honestly, we did not tell folks about the 'signs' in the early stages. When he was late to sit up and crawl we blamed it on the fact that we carried him around tons. Now that he's not walking-- we are finally dealing with how to tell folks.
Point is, it's a touchy topic and no ones co- workers ect are going to have the tact to talk to you about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you even know your child has Spina Bifida?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a "veteran" special needs mom and I can tell you that even if you know with 99.9% certainty that you somehow forgot prenatals and "caused" your child to have a disability, guilt is a useless emotion. It's completely and totally beside the point now. It doesn't help your child in any way, it doesn't motivate you, it's destructive and it wastes time. It's self-indulgent and self-involved.

If your child has serious special needs or even some issues you need to spend your time networking, getting information, and reaching out to therapists and Early Intervention. Get off the goddamn pity pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am the OP of the spina Bifida thread. Not saying you son has it, who knows. But I do know that if you are anything like me you are very sensitive to the subject. Honestly, we did not tell folks about the 'signs' in the early stages. When he was late to sit up and crawl we blamed it on the fact that we carried him around tons. Now that he's not walking-- we are finally dealing with how to tell folks.
Point is, it's a touchy topic and no ones co- workers ect are going to have the tact to talk to you about it.

OP here. I'm sorry. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

I have one of those dimples. One of my kids does as well.

People in your family aren't talking about it if they have one. Trust me. It is just not something that comes up around the Thanksgiving table. Trust me on this one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am the OP of the spina Bifida thread. Not saying you son has it, who knows. But I do know that if you are anything like me you are very sensitive to the subject. Honestly, we did not tell folks about the 'signs' in the early stages. When he was late to sit up and crawl we blamed it on the fact that we carried him around tons. Now that he's not walking-- we are finally dealing with how to tell folks.
Point is, it's a touchy topic and no ones co- workers ect are going to have the tact to talk to you about it.

How old is you son?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PPs that your coworker is an ass and that correlation is not causation. FWIW, my oldest has a sacral dimple even though I was on prenatal vitamins before I got pregnant. It is NOT spina bifida. Does your DS even have it? Typically, kdis with sacral dimples have an ultrasound shortly afterbirth to see if the spinal cord is tethered.

I also heartily agree with the PP that guilt is a useless emtion when it comes to thinking about the cause of your DC's disability (if your DS even has one). Unless you deliberately and with full knowledge of your actions injured your child, you need to let that guilt go. There is no history of language disorders in my or DH's family yet I've got a DS with a severe one - the one that does NOT have the sacral dimple.

[Anonymous]

OP, both of my kids have a sacral dimple. My mother pointed it out to me, since all of her children had it, including me. My second also had a tongue tie, which my DH has (was never clipped). Both pregnancies were planned and I was taking prenatals.

For us, it seems obviously genetic. But I understand that something can be genetic while skipping one or more generations, so it may not be obvious. Or the combination of genes, or a mutation, could cause something.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I am missing something, but sacral dimple and tongue tie are not a big deal. Lots of kids have them and they are either no big deal (sacral dimple) or easily fixable (tongue tie). They're both common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A link is not causation. And the fact that folic acid can prevent SB does not mean that if you don't take folic acid, you caused SB in your child.

Or even that your child will get SB. It's basic prenatal care.

OP, you are being silly and alarmist. Get off the Internet/DCUM and get back to work.

[Anonymous]

My baby has a sacral dimple and I was on prenatals months before.

[Anonymous]

Your coworker is a bitch and knows nothing. But YOU need to manage yourself better to deal with parenthood because there are a lot of people like her out there.

[Anonymous]

Some women, including me, have a very common genetic mutation (MTHFR) that causes us to metabolize folate inefficiently or not at all. This can be detected through a simple blood test. I have one copy of the mutated gene, so I take about 5000 IUs of folic acid per day while ttc and during pregnancy (instead of the normally-recommended 400 ius). The idea is that megaloading the dose allows my body will get enough despite the inefficient metabolism. Some people have two mutated copies of the gene and need to take a post-metabolized form of folic acid.

I learned of this mutation as part of a post-miscarriage workup, mostly because my family's heart health history put me at high risk for clotting disorders that could affect pregnancy. I would never have known otherwise and would have stuck with the standard dose of folic acid, which may not have been adequate for me.

OP, if you are planning to conceive again, you might want to ask your OB or primary care doctor to test you for this. Having the mutation certainly does not cause neural tube defects. Most people who have it don't know, don't do anything special, and still give birth to children with no issues. However, it is one of those things that does seem to heighten the risk of spina bifida and other neural tube defects, and it is easy to test for and easy to treat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your coworker is a bitch and knows nothing. But YOU need to manage yourself better to deal with parenthood because there are a lot of people like her out there.

+1000

[Anonymous]

OP, you did not cause this. Does your child actually have spins bifida? My child also has a sacral dimple and tongue tie. I looked into it on Dr Google, and it seems that a few cases of the dimple can be SB. No doctor has ever brought it up to me before, and my baby is 9 months and hitting all of his milestones.