What age can kids put themselves to bed?

[Anonymous]

By 4 or 5. We tell them it's bedtime, they say okay and go up to bed.

[Anonymous]

They should be able to get ready by 6 or 7. Tucking in, a hug or kiss goodnight v. putting themselves to bed, I hope lasts as long as they are in my house.

[Anonymous]

My kids have been putting themselves to bed since they were 5 and 7. We read to them earlier, not at bedtime. At bedtime they read to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am all for kids getting themselves READY for bed by themselves as soon as they can. That is great for self help skills and independence. However PUTTING themselves to bed is absolutely sad. Parents should be with their kids when they climb into bed, do their bedtime ritual, tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every single night of their life. Why? Because you never know what tomorrow may bring and trust me - if your child dies and you didn't say Good Night and kissed them the night before you will regret this for the rest of your life. Tell them you love them every night before they go to sleep. It doesn't matter, how old they are.

So your parents tucked you in to your college dorm room? and your first apartment? and on your honeymoon?

I get what you're saying, but there definitely comes a point when bedtime naturally becomes less ritualistic. DD is 23, and when she was home visiting last week I certainly wasn't tucking her in every night. There came a point each night where we parted ways, and we said goodnight and maybe hugged, but it wasn't a routine in any sense of the word. That's been our MO since the summer she was around 10 and was often staying up later than me reading Harry Potter DD and I are very close, so I don't think our relationship has suffered for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am all for kids getting themselves READY for bed by themselves as soon as they can. That is great for self help skills and independence. However PUTTING themselves to bed is absolutely sad. Parents should be with their kids when they climb into bed, do their bedtime ritual, tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every single night of their life. Why? Because you never know what tomorrow may bring and trust me - if your child dies and you didn't say Good Night and kissed them the night before you will regret this for the rest of your life. Tell them you love them every night before they go to sleep. It doesn't matter, how old they are.

This is a bit excessive. When I tell my kids to go to bed, they get up from the couch or floor, say goodnight to me, we hug and kiss, and they go up to bed and go to sleep. There's no need for me to sit on the edge of their bed singing to them or whatever. It's really fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you read to your kids??? I'm flabbergasted at this.

My 6 yr old reads to himself before going to bed. Once the kid can read, why do you have to read to them?

Because it's a nice bonding experience and kids should be read to a lot longer than jsut age six. Just bc your child can read doesn't mean s/he doesn't enjoy being read to... sometimes at least.

No need to be rude.

+1

In addition to being a nice family experience, it's a great way to continue to build vocabulary. Also, children can listen to more complex & interesting storylines than they can read themselves.

Why don't you ask your kid if he/she would enjoy it? Doesn't even have to be at bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still read to my eleven-yeard-old for a half hour or so every night once she is in bed. She insists on it. Then she reads for an hour or so by herself before she falls asleep.

THIS. The kid who has a parent read aloud for 30 minutes a day AND then reads to themselves will have excellent reading/verbal skills. Most of the very best readers (which often correlates with being a good writer as well) come from homes where they were read aloud to for extended periods, starting very young and continuing through elementary school.

If you value reading aloud, your kid will learn to value reading. If you do the minimum when it comes to reading aloud, you are showing your kid that reading is not a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you read to your kids??? I'm flabbergasted at this.

My 6 yr old reads to himself before going to bed. Once the kid can read, why do you have to read to them?

Because it's a nice bonding experience and kids should be read to a lot longer than jsut age six. Just bc your child can read doesn't mean s/he doesn't enjoy being read to... sometimes at least.

No need to be rude.

+1
In addition to being a nice family experience, it's a great way to continue to build vocabulary. Also, children can listen to more complex & interesting storylines than they can read themselves. Why don't you ask your kid if he/she would enjoy it? Doesn't even have to be at bedtime.

My kid has hated being read to since she learned how to read. Even if I read her something short, like the description for a class she might like to take, she'd wait until I finish, and then ask to read it herself. Really, not EVERYONE likes being read to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am all for kids getting themselves READY for bed by themselves as soon as they can. That is great for self help skills and independence. However PUTTING themselves to bed is absolutely sad. Parents should be with their kids when they climb into bed, do their bedtime ritual, tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every single night of their life. Why? Because you never know what tomorrow may bring and trust me - if your child dies and you didn't say Good Night and kissed them the night before you will regret this for the rest of your life. Tell them you love them every night before they go to sleep. It doesn't matter, how old they are.

Good god that is terrifying

[Anonymous]

My DH and I still tuck in our 16-year-old every night. She's the baby of the family and I guess nobody wants to stop with the goodnight hugs and kisses in her room.

[Anonymous]

This is such a sad thread. I don't know why DCUM posters are so eager to see their kids grow up fast. When can I sleep train my child so they don't need me at night? When can my kid get themselves up in the morning so I don't have to bother? When can my kid put himself to bed so I don't have to be bothered. When can my kid do X, Y, or Z by themselves so I don't have to?

Having kids is a choice. You don't have to do it. But once you do, you should actually want to spend time with your children.

My kids are 7 and 4. We spend at least 30-45 minutes reading, cuddling, and talking about our day after turning the lights out. I hope they are willing to continue this routine for a long, long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a sad thread. I don't know why DCUM posters are so eager to see their kids grow up fast. When can I sleep train my child so they don't need me at night? When can my kid get themselves up in the morning so I don't have to bother? When can my kid put himself to bed so I don't have to be bothered. When can my kid do X, Y, or Z by themselves so I don't have to?

Having kids is a choice. You don't have to do it. But once you do, you should actually want to spend time with your children.

My kids are 7 and 4. We spend at least 30-45 minutes reading, cuddling, and talking about our day after turning the lights out. I hope they are willing to continue this routine for a long, long time.

That's nice. I pick my DD up at 6pm and then we get home at 7 where I rush to get her fed, cleaned and into bed. During those 2-3 hours beginning at 6pm, we're talking about our day. We don't ALSO need to spend time talking about it more with the lights off when she should be going to bed. There's nothing magical about that time period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still read to my eleven-yeard-old for a half hour or so every night once she is in bed. She insists on it. Then she reads for an hour or so by herself before she falls asleep.

THIS. The kid who has a parent read aloud for 30 minutes a day AND then reads to themselves will have excellent reading/verbal skills. Most of the very best readers (which often correlates with being a good writer as well) come from homes where they were read aloud to for extended periods, starting very young and continuing through elementary school.

If you value reading aloud, your kid will learn to value reading. If you do the minimum when it comes to reading aloud, you are showing your kid that reading is not a priority.

I am not sure I agree with this. Reading aloud is nice for all the reason you said. But the really modeling of reading comes also from seeing you read for pleasure yourself, not necessarily reading aloud.

[Anonymous]

My dd's are 6 and 8, and I "still" go upstairs with them and help them with bath, pjs and such. I read aloud to them almost 100% of the time except for the day here and there when they are just too tired to care like after the swim meet last night. Reading to them is nice because I read harder chapter books that they can't read for themselves yet. It is fun and relaxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a sad thread. I don't know why DCUM posters are so eager to see their kids grow up fast. When can I sleep train my child so they don't need me at night? When can my kid get themselves up in the morning so I don't have to bother? When can my kid put himself to bed so I don't have to be bothered. When can my kid do X, Y, or Z by themselves so I don't have to?

Having kids is a choice. You don't have to do it. But once you do, you should actually want to spend time with your children.

My kids are 7 and 4. We spend at least 30-45 minutes reading, cuddling, and talking about our day after turning the lights out. I hope they are willing to continue this routine for a long, long time.

That's nice. I pick my DD up at 6pm and then we get home at 7 where I rush to get her fed, cleaned and into bed. During those 2-3 hours beginning at 6pm, we're talking about our day. We don't ALSO need to spend time talking about it more with the lights off when she should be going to bed. There's nothing magical about that time period.

You're proving my point. You already spend 2-3 hours a day with your child -- so much time! -- so spending a little more time with her to tuck her in is just too onerous.

There have been lots of times that my dd feels more comfortable sharing the more difficult moments of the day when the lights are out. Also, there isn't much time in the evening rush to focus exclusively on what my child is saying, instead of trying to multitask.

I get it, we're all tired by the kids' bedtime and we want some time to ourselves. But that's no reason to rush our kids toward outgrowing a bedtime routine.