We planned a big Father's Day celebration, but he wants to clean out the garage.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why these events need to be mutually exclusive. he cleans out the garage. At some point he will be hungry - you eat steak. When done eating, open presents.

This sounds like a situation where the other side of the story would be very helpful.

[Anonymous]

At first I thought you were talking about your husband but now I'm pretty sure it's your father. So , you brought steaks and presents to his house and he won't come out of the garage? Weird. I would just eat the steaks without him. If your kids picked out presents for him I would ask him to open them in front of the kids. If he won't then just leave and make some excuse to your kids. It is a dick move.

[Anonymous]

sounds really annoying. i don't blame you for being pissed.

what can you do? if he's the sort of person who can handle a conversation, try talking to him about it. if not, you know, try to let it go, and keep your expectations in check for next time.

do you know if there was a particular reason for him deciding to ignore the things you had planned?

[Anonymous]

I'm not quite sure I understand.

What you seem to be describing is that you showed up with a bunch of nice groceries and a few wrapped gifts and he looked at you and said "I don't want this and I don't accept it." If so, that's pretty shitty.

Or did you say "Honey, can you come in for dinner and to open your presents?" and he said "I'm cleaning the garage" or "In a little bit, I'm busy."

If the later, I think that's fine. If the former, something's weird and kind of mean about that.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well I was pretty pissed at the time. It was husband and the kids had worked hard on making a big deal of Father's Day this year. Also we had seafood flown in so we were anxious to eat it. (I know I said steaks) So the garage is clean !! He said he was feeling a bit down and needed to accomplish something. Still delaying dinner for hours is not too nice. We all felt better after we ate our dinner. Still it is rude to delay a special dinner if you agreed to have one. If you don't want one, just so say.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully you all stopped bitchy & whinning enough to help him with the garage. If you are on a timetable, leave him his steak & seafood when it is time for you to leave. The act of eating a meal together isn't that special.

[Anonymous]

I find this passive-aggressive and mean. While it's great that Dad wants to clean out the garage, and it's certainly his prerogative to do so, he can take five minutes to celebrate with kids who came over to his house.

Unacceptable. You don't do this sort of thing to people who want to celebrate you. Regardless of your own agenda and regardless of whether or not it's "your day." Imagine if a child acted this way -- there would be cries to spank the kid. Why is it acceptable for a grown man to act like a spoiled brat. It's not.

OP is the passive aggressive one. He did not want a party, gifts and to cook his own dinner. The party and stuff is about you showing off what a wonderful person you are. oP you sux.

[Anonymous]

He feels strongly that you dictate too much of your family's life.

Just a guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well I was pretty pissed at the time. It was husband and the kids had worked hard on making a big deal of Father's Day this year. Also we had seafood flown in so we were anxious to eat it. (I know I said steaks) So the garage is clean !! He said he was feeling a bit down and needed to accomplish something. Still delaying dinner for hours is not too nice. We all felt better after we ate our dinner. Still it is rude to delay a special dinner if you agreed to have one. If you don't want one, just so say.

I'm glad that's how he managed his feelings. Last night, my neighbor just got drunk and beat his wife in front of their two kids. Clean garage and late dinner is preferable to police cars and an ER visit.

[Anonymous]

I'm still confused. Who were you trying to celebrate? Your husband or your FIL or your own father?

[Anonymous]

oh please he doesn't get to completely change the plan after all of the work put in because it's "his day".
what a big baby.

[Anonymous]

Oh please, OP is crazy. I bet they divorce soon.