so many people expecting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay away from Facebook and as hard as it is, channel your energy into a different "passion". You know deep down your feelings aren't rational (pregnant people have always been around - you just didn't notice and care before). By fixating on the infertility, you are allowing this to take over and literally consume your life. You know it isn't right or healthy and it is a very hard habit to break. it took me years to finally reach a point where i am comfortable and happy with my situation. I have replaced the need for children with new friends that don't have children (most by choice) and I now have new goals to think about such as our big sailing trip on the caribbean and skiing in Italy. I have retrained my mind to look at babies and kids the way I looked at them when i was a teenager and in my 20's - complete disinterest and annoyance. yes, they can be cute, but with this new way of thinking, when i am around them, I am actually thrilled to not have to take them home. And, having friends with older kids has been a huge reality reminder. Once a baby grows up, it is a huge set of issues and every one of my friends and family with older kids are at their wits end with stress dealing with: bullying (horrific stories), depression, bad influences, unmotivation, unable to find jobs, and in one case, a child (in their late 20s) who is going thru a horrible divorce. I get that kid can bring joy, but I am coming to terms that it would have been very stressful for me to raise them in today;s world. You would replace one fixation with another and would never be at peace with yourself.

I don't want to dissuade you from trying - but please try and not let it rule and destroy your life.

So true.

Yes - cute little kids have little problems, older kids have big problems. My sister has a 24 year old daughter and had the hardest time raising her. Not because she was a bad kid - she wasn't, but she got caught up with social media and depression and barely didn't graduate. She ultimately went to college and now has large student loans she can't pay off because she can't find a job in her field. She works part time as a hostess and still lives with my sister. My sister feels guilty for having a child in today's world. I am also trying and by seeing the harsh reality of having the cute little baby grow up to be a real person with real adult problems was quite the wake up call for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been off facebook for 6 months. It's a beautiful thing - I highly recommend it.

I find myself looking direclty at women's mid-sections everywhere I go. Metro, work, grocery store, etc. I am constantly scanning rooms at stomach-level. My heart sinks a little every time I see a pregnancy, which is often. It's such a single-track mind. I hate it.

+1

Did I write this? (Except for the FB part. I'd like to quit, but haven't yet.)

[Anonymous]

The worst for me is when newly pregnant coworkers blab on and on about their surprise pregnancy (how they figured it out, husband's reaction etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay away from Facebook and as hard as it is, channel your energy into a different "passion". You know deep down your feelings aren't rational (pregnant people have always been around - you just didn't notice and care before). By fixating on the infertility, you are allowing this to take over and literally consume your life. You know it isn't right or healthy and it is a very hard habit to break. it took me years to finally reach a point where i am comfortable and happy with my situation. I have replaced the need for children with new friends that don't have children (most by choice) and I now have new goals to think about such as our big sailing trip on the caribbean and skiing in Italy. I have retrained my mind to look at babies and kids the way I looked at them when i was a teenager and in my 20's - complete disinterest and annoyance. yes, they can be cute, but with this new way of thinking, when i am around them, I am actually thrilled to not have to take them home. And, having friends with older kids has been a huge reality reminder. Once a baby grows up, it is a huge set of issues and every one of my friends and family with older kids are at their wits end with stress dealing with: bullying (horrific stories), depression, bad influences, unmotivation, unable to find jobs, and in one case, a child (in their late 20s) who is going thru a horrible divorce. I get that kid can bring joy, but I am coming to terms that it would have been very stressful for me to raise them in today;s world. You would replace one fixation with another and would never be at peace with yourself.

I don't want to dissuade you from trying - but please try and not let it rule and destroy your life.

So true.

Yes - cute little kids have little problems, older kids have big problems. My sister has a 24 year old daughter and had the hardest time raising her. Not because she was a bad kid - she wasn't, but she got caught up with social media and depression and barely didn't graduate. She ultimately went to college and now has large student loans she can't pay off because she can't find a job in her field. She works part time as a hostess and still lives with my sister. My sister feels guilty for having a child in today's world. I am also trying and by seeing the harsh reality of having the cute little baby grow up to be a real person with real adult problems was quite the wake up call for me.

Totally agree with this but never tell this to anyone having kids. If I ever express I am happy without kids they think this is like fox and the grapes story. Since the fox didn't get grapes he assumed they were sour.