S/I What do the grandparents say when you tell them "you had your turn"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When grandparents try to usurp fun things like the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny, many on DCUM advise advice-seekers to tell them "you had your turn to so these things; now it's our turn." I'm wondering how the grandparents respond to this as a way to resolve parenting turf battles?

We had to say that to my MIL when she wanted to name our kids for us! Turned out she had dementia (really).

[Anonymous]

I didn't use those words but gave my MIL the same message. She raised DH with her MIL living on the same block, constantly at her house, in her business, telling her how to do things.

I told her very gently one time, "I know from what Jay's told me that his grandma was the matriarch of the family and you didn't always get to parent the way you wanted. That must have been very frustrating for you. So I'm sure you know exactly how I felt this morning when after I'd told Casey to sit, you told her it was fine to stand in the booth while eating. Even though it was an awful way you were forced to parent, please don't re-create that for me. I don't want to resent you and cringe like you did around your MIL. I want us to have a great relationship. But a big part of that means you taking a step back and letting me be the one in charge. Will you think about it?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it that would be a rude and needlessly hostile thing to say, so I imagine grandparents would react accordingly poorly. You don't have to be a jerk to draw boundaries.

I agree. Besides, I'd give anything for selfish MIL to be involved.

[Anonymous]

I just cheerfully say "Thanks! But I've got it covered already!"

And in situations like 13:19, where they sort of undermine me in front of my kid, I address the behavior directly "DC, I asked you to sit down, I know Grandma said it was ok to stand, but it's time to sit please"

That's usually enough to get the message across, but I don't have anyone really super pushy in our lives. Thank goodness.

[Anonymous]

"Thank you but we've decided to start a family tradition this way..."