Have you cut off a parent or siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you cut off a parent or siblings? Do you feel guilty? What do you do when strangers ask you about your family?

My dad is wasting away broke in a third-world country, having burned pretty much every bridge he could. I kick a few hundred bucks into his account every month to keep a roof over his head, but I don't feel particularly bad about leaving it at that. HE'S the one that burned those bridges. HIS choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you cut off a parent or siblings? Do you feel guilty? What do you do when strangers ask you about your family?

My dad is wasting away broke in a third-world country, having burned pretty much every bridge he could. I kick a few hundred bucks into his account every month to keep a roof over his head, but I don't feel particularly bad about leaving it at that. HE'S the one that burned those bridges. HIS choice.

PP Here. I also have a half-sister who is a hardcore alcoholic and all-around waste of space. No qualms about pretending she doesn't exist either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you cut off a parent or siblings? Do you feel guilty? What do you do when strangers ask you about your family?

My dad is wasting away broke in a third-world country, having burned pretty much every bridge he could. I kick a few hundred bucks into his account every month to keep a roof over his head, but I don't feel particularly bad about leaving it at that. HE'S the one that burned those bridges. HIS choice.

PP Here. I also have a half-sister who is a hardcore alcoholic and all-around waste of space. No qualms about pretending she doesn't exist either.

PP here AGAIN! If people ask, I pretty much say what I wrote.

[Anonymous]

I cut off my father. He abandoned us when I was 14. He tried getting in touch 6years later, but no apology or acknowledgement of what he did- I was cordial but cool. The rest of that family has since died and I plan on never being in contact again. Becoming a parent made me realize just how bad he was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep trying to cut off ILs.

How does your spouse feel about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've cut off my sister. She's always been a toxic, jealous witch and I'm so much more relaxed without dealing with her. Unfortunately my parents still pretend everything is wonderful, but they're much of the reason she turned out that way. They're on low contact. Most people don't even know I have a sister because I rarely speak of her, and rarely did even when we we technically speaking.

This is me exactly, except my sister cut me off. I am okay with it because I got tired of extending the olive branch, only to have history repeated. My parents are also toxic, but I find it much harder to go cold turkey with them, so I keep a safe distance. I still acknowledge birthdays and holidays, and will pick up on the rare call, but no more. This approach helped to kill a lot of the family drama, so I have no regrets. I feel sad from time to time and wish things could be different, but I do not feel guilt.

[Anonymous]

PP here. To clarify, I acknowledge birthdays/holidays with parents -- not sister, whose last words to me were, "I'm dead to you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut-off is silly and just plays into the desired drama. Just be cordial. Don't put up with any more rudeness than you would from a neighbor. Make sure in any situation with them present, you could excuse yourself and leave if necessary.

You lack a lot of insight. Not everyone has family that you can hold at arms length. There are truly evil people in the world.

[Anonymous]

I cut off my mother. She is beyond toxic and is bent on destroying the lives of those around her. I tried therapy with her, limit setting, limited contact, etc for years. Nothing worked. I have zero contact with her now. If people ask, I say that she is not a healthy person and is not safe to be around my children. It has been a good decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and I were "cut off" by my brother. It was the most painful thing my parents or myself have ever been through. We were cut off due largely due to pressure from his fiancee / wife. The marriage lasted 1 year, but we were cut off for an additional 3 years, so in total, it was about 4 years where he would not speak with us or be in the same room. We've been reconciled for about 10 years now, thankfully.

Were you all a close family prior to your brothers marriage? Why did the wife want space? Why did your brother not speak to you all? Why did he not speak to you all for 3 years after? Did you all try for contact continuously during the 4 years?

Any insight? I'm in a very similar situation.

[Anonymous]

DH stopped speaking to his mom after our wedding; he spent the whole weekend terrified that she (a narcissist) would pull one of her tricks in front of everyone. She didn't but the problems his worry created made it clear to us both that the healthiest thing for our family was for her to not be in contact. She's reached out a few times in confusion but seems to finally have gotten the message. Either that or our email filters are finally solid

The hardest part has been explaining it to my family, which is pretty healthy by comparison and does not understand how someone could cut off a parent. It's to their credit that they can't imagine it, but it also means they think he's a bit weird.

[Anonymous]

1. Yes. (Toxic, manipulative, narcissistic mother)

2. No. I feel great.

3. I tell people I don't speak to her or see her.

Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've cut off my sister. She's always been a toxic, jealous witch and I'm so much more relaxed without dealing with her. Unfortunately my parents still pretend everything is wonderful, but they're much of the reason she turned out that way. They're on low contact. Most people don't even know I have a sister because I rarely speak of her, and rarely did even when we we technically speaking.

Mine too. My parents created a monster. Though I don't talk about it much. Seems the only people who ask, are the ones who are up their relatives' arse for money; they wouldn't relate, because they can be bought and sold. I have always been independent, and don't much respect those who take others money. See above.

[Anonymous]

Since I cut my mother out of my life holidays are wonderful! No more temper tantrums or unstable behavior to ruin the day

[Anonymous]

DH officially cut off contact with his family when he was about 19 - it was for a good reason. He's begun to have some contact with one of his sisters again, but no one else.

It really depends on the situation.

When people ask him about his family he mentions that yes he has siblings, no they're are not very close, etc. He doesn't get into that he doesn't have contact with them.