Families, holidays, and guilt trips
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Anonymous
| Yes you are a piece of work. I would love to see my mom and wish I could take back my attitude before she got sick. So many people on DCUM don't appreciate having families that care. Be careful because there will be a time when they are no longer with you and you will wish you drove that trip. |
Anonymous
That is definitely part of it- I probably wouldn't go to church on my own, and would likely spend the day gardening and reading a book. She's very disappointed that I've fallen away from the Catholic church.
While I think this is a bit harsh, I can see how my post might be interpreted this way. It's also hard to explain a situation fully on a message forum. The thing is, if I weren't travelling the two weekends prior or already planning to visit in July and September, I would go without much debate (my cat is doing better so less worried about that, she was just in a bad way for a while). I don't have infinite vacation time and want to preserve some days for those later visits (and Christmas). So to do that, for this trip I'll drive up on friday and back on sunday night, with only one real day up there, which just doesn't scream quality time for me. But I recognize that for my mom, frequent short visits are more important than less frequent, longer ones. My parents are now also planning to come visit us in June (they were last here in January). Part of my issue is that my DH and I are beginning to resent having to travel for every holiday if we want to see our families. Both sets of parents are young and travel well presently, and to their credit, are actually willing to come to us. It's more our siblings that won't. One of mine has a very noble job where time off at holidays is not a given, and so we tend to revolve around his schedule. But he actually has off for this holiday, so it would have been a good one for me to host. For my sister, it's a slightly shorter, less traffic-filled trip to travel to my parents than to us, so she'd prefer to go there. The other issue, while not directly related, is that my mom sees herself in a competition with my in-laws (who live further away and we don't see as often). She's jealous that my MIL, for instance, will see a new piece of furniture before her! It gets tiring. This may all be moot, because now my DH may be home for the weekend after all, but not long enough for us to make the trip, and my mom insists I don't leave him alone for the holiday. So I'll go if he can't make it back, otherwise we'll just stay home. |
Anonymous
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OP you sound kind of cold- if you don't want to see your family, don't go. You don't need permission from us.
I can't tell if you have kids but as they aren't mentioned I assume no- but FWIW, the family will come to you once you have them. Grand kids/nieces/nephews are a draw. Of course who wants to host when you have kids to worry about. |
Anonymous
| There comes a point when you just have to stop, particularly if you have to drag kids back and forth. |
Anonymous
You sound like you have issues. What a weird thing to be offended about. |
Anonymous
I agree. PP sounds really oddly possessive about such a simple and benign thing. I also think it's weird to think of your own birth family as "extended family" once you get married. |
Anonymous
+1. Likewise, my husband grew up in SC and still calls that home, even though we've been in VA 10 years and even though his parents don't even live there anymore! |
Anonymous
Me either |
Anonymous
NP here. I don't count my childhood house as "home." I have my own home now, with my husband and child. Childhood house is now referred to as my parents' house. I try not to let it bother me if parents/siblings ask if I'm going "home" for x or y holiday, but as another PP said, it gives the impression that they think the life and home I've made with my family is somehow not as real or valid as the childhood home/birth family. |