Forced practice of Religion

[Anonymous]

You should not have accepted the reference from the priest upon finding out it would require weekly attendance somewhere you don't want to go on a weekly basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I practice my religion in a different way then they do. Just because I don't go to church doesn't mean that I don't act the way that we are told that God intended. I am being forced to go to a place that is supposed to be welcoming. I should have a choice. Yet, I am not supposed to say anything to back myself up? "

I am Catholic. I assume the reference you needed was a note to say you were a Catholic in good standing, so you could do something like be a Godparent.

Am I close?

Catholics are obligated to go to mass on holy days of obligation, include all Sundays, unless you are sick.

It is a pretty clear cut rule. You don't have to pray 5 times a day facing Mecca. You don't have to circumcize your son. You don't have to honor the rules of one Mr. Smith. There are rules, though.

If you don't do it, you are a Catholic, but not a practicing Catholic. You are a practicing <insert your name here>. Actually, that is cool. You may need some time, or maybe your whole life, to weave in and out of the church. I've done that.

Now that I have kids who are old enough to understand what it is all about, I'm really "religous" about attending mass once a week. In fact, I often go more than that.

If your grandparents ask, say "No. I didn't go. I had a paper due. I had brunch plans with my friends. I was tired...". If it isn't a priority now, that isn't the end of the world. They sound like they are a moral compass.

If you want to celebrate your religion your way, maybe you should explore other churches that don't have a weekly obligation.

Catholics can always come home, and sometimes questioning the tennents of your faith will strengthen it. In fact, you may want to have lunch with the priest and say, "I attend mass sometimes/rarely, and let me tell you why." That is truly being YOU. Just be open to what he has to say back, and be prepared for some feedback.

This is my assumption too. OP, you have been asked to be a godparent. That is a serious matter in the Catholic Church. You must be verified as a "parishioner in good standing" (hing: tithe) in order to get that letter to the priest doing the baptism. If you don't do that, or hold this up because you are in a snit about this, then your friend, the mom or dad, can't schedule anything because most parishes won't schedule a christening until all the godparents' paperwork is signed and in. So if you don't like this rule, then bow out and tell your friend you don't want to do what is required to get the letter of "good standing" and drop out.

[Anonymous]

Having to sit through mass isn't the forced practice of religion. I have had to sit through several masses (weddings, funerals) and I'm not even Christian. Did I consider myself forced to practice Catholicism? Hell no! I sat politely and respectfully.

[Anonymous]

If you hadn't said that you were 20, I would have thought you were my 40yo SIL. This is the precise reason why I do not want her to be the Godmother for our next child. DH and I have been arguing over this b/c he thinks it'll "hurt her feelings" if we don't choose her. I say I don't hand out Godparent assignments to avoid hurting other people's feelings! I have no idea how or where she'd get the letter of reference b/c she hasn't darkened a Catholic church door in the last decade, except for our wedding.

[Anonymous]

You aren't being forced to practice religion. You asked for something and received it. Sitting through mass once/week is what you now do in return.

Go, sit there, pay your tithe if that's required. You can't be forced to practice, but you have put yourself in the position of having to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello,
Recently I was put in a situation in which I needed a reference from a priest. The priest told me, in-front of my very catholic grandparents, that I must go to church every weekend or else he will be a liar, as he wrote that he knew me from mass on the reference. In the next hour I was reminded by them four times that I have to go. I have received multiple texts from my grandparents reminding me of this. They have even told the priest to look for me and have told me that he will be looking for me. If that is not pressuring me I do not know what is.

Note that I am a 20 year old woman who is a believer, but not an avid church goer. On the other hand, my grandparents attend mass every week. They push their beliefs onto everyone in my family, and it makes everyone uncomfortable because of the frequency in which they remind us to go. I'm not exaggerating when I say that every time I see them they ask me if I went to church. I am their closest grandchild, as they babysat me for years... but i'm also the most passive because both me and my parents go to church occasionally and do not express our opinions extensively. Why? ... out of respect. We have always just nodded and smiled because, yes, we have tried before and they just will not respect the difference in opinions. I have an idea what we could do or say in order to get them to back off a bit... at least make it comfortable to be around them again... but my parents have the control over this situation; not me. I am viewed by my grandparents as if I am a young child and I know that no matter what I say... they just aren't going to change... especially if my parents aren't 100% on board with me. They understand, but they just want to avoid the situation because saying things don't work.

I practice my religion in a different way then they do. Just because I don't go to church doesn't mean that I don't act the way that we are told that God intended. I am being forced to go to a place that is supposed to be welcoming. I should have a choice. Yet, I am not supposed to say anything to back myself up?

How should I handle this?

You do not ask for a reference from a priest, that's how. The priest told you what you needed to do to get the reference. You can do it or not.

Quit whining and grow up.

[Anonymous]

If you want a letter from a priest saying you're a Catholic in good standing and active in your parish, then the priest can't honestly write that for you if you don't attend mass. This isn't about the forced practice of religion. *You* want to participate in some aspect for your faith that requires this letter of reference and your priest can't honestly provide it for you if the contents of that letter aren't true. If you don't want to attend mass weekly, then don't. That means some privileges reserved for active members of your faith won't be accessible to you and that's your choice.

- Not a Catholic

[Anonymous]

FYI - not all Catholic parishes require a letter of reference for godparents. You can have up to 3, one of which must be a confirmed Catholic. You can either bring in copies of your confirmation certificate or you can bring in a letter of reference from a priest.

When my daughter was baptized, neither Godparents were asked for a letter.

[Anonymous]

The priest was not out of line to bring up Mass attendance and the grandparents are not out of line to ask OP to go given what they witnessed. OP is out of line to behave as if unacceptable demands are being place don her after she was the one to ask for the reference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI - not all Catholic parishes require a letter of reference for godparents. You can have up to 3, one of which must be a confirmed Catholic. You can either bring in copies of your confirmation certificate or you can bring in a letter of reference from a priest.

When my daughter was baptized, neither Godparents were asked for a letter.

So? A priest can set his own requirements for references. OP could have declined being a godparent or asked a different priest if she didn't like it.

OP is a whiny baby.

[Anonymous]

I just downloaded an application to work at a Catholic School.
It had a line about whether or not you go to mass, but if you are another religions, do you attend/participate there?

Now I'm wondering the the letter was re: Catholic school teaching or similar....

If so, go to church! 3/4 is enough to make an impact!