Why does my wife always start an argument on way to her parents house

[Anonymous]

My mom always picks fights and cries about non-existent slights the day I am leaving after a visit. My MIL stomps around the house like a grouchy bitch when her daughters are leaving from a visit.

It's just what people do when they can't just say what they really feel. Maybe your wife could go to therapy for 2-3 sessions and figure out the pattern and how to stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, DH always fights with me and generally is an ass when my mom is around. Granted, my mom drives me crazy, too, but he turns into such a dick around her--not just to her, but to me. ANd then I pay for it, not only is my husband being a dick to me and my mom, but then my mom starts talking to my about what an asshole my husband is and I am then forced to defend someone who is, in fact, behaving like an asshole, but I can't really tell her that its because she drives everyone nuts with her micromanaging, constant, low level passive aggressive criticism and the fact that she cannot.ever.be.quiet.ever. But at least I deal by tuning her out and drinking more.

you should not get in the middle. if your husband is an ass when your mom is around and she complains that he is an ass, you should just say "yes, he is you may tell him yourself" and then change the subject,. I do not see why you need to defend an adult who behave like an ass. my MIL talks non-stop when she come (and I mean it, she sees I am working at the computer and starts I see you are working and do not want to bother you but you know I bought this fantastic shirt on sale it was senior day she it was 50% off on top of 40% off and I really love it and my sister, who lives in Texas has one like that but she paid more because there senior day is on Tuesday instead of Wednesday and she plays cards of Tuesday blah blah blah, and I am trying to finish something for work. I got to the point that I get my coffee and newspaper in the bathroom and I pretend I need to go to bathroom so I can lock myself there for 5 minutes of peace. but I never ever treat her bad, and certainly I am not an ass around her. if your husband is an ass around you mom, let him be and bear the consequences, just do not be the one in the middle.

That's my MIL. I smile and nod, but don't respond and she wanders off to bother someone else. When I am not working, I do make a point to ask her questions and maybe even follow up on what she was saying earlier. I also wear my headset most of the time at the computer and she then thinks I'm on a work call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And it is always one of the long ones that has no resolution by the time we get there so were all in awkward bad moods and everyone can sense it.

So don't go.
But my wife will get mad if I don't go.
So. She's gonna start an argument and end up mad even if you do go right?
Yeah but her parents expect us both to come see them.
So. They've sensed the awkward bad moods they'll understand if you don't show and even if they don't understand that's their problem.
But...
Look you do what you want, I'm just saying you're a grown man and you're not obligated to do anything - least of all be somebody's road trip punching bag.

[Anonymous]

Obviously the visit involves some anxiety. I'd make sure to avoid any conversations that involve solving problems or making decisions, tabling them until you get home. Bonus points if you can get her to talk about how she's feeling about the visit and what you can do to be supportive.

[Anonymous]

I think we need some more detail to be truly helpful, OP. Otherwise this almost sounds like a rhetorical question.

You refer to it being "one of those" arguments. So they dont happen just in the car on the way to the inlaws? You may be throwing off our scent trail here entirely.