Mil is talking smack about me to others

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. Good advice. The work circle reference is with a few degrees of separation meaning one of her friends has a friend that became a client. The client is fine but her direct friend is much less polite and friendly up me. It doesn't reLly impact my life. More that I feel it is do unfair for mil to turn people against me with lies. I will kill her with kindness as they say and those that try to pry some gossip from me. I would be so tempted to defend myself if challenged because there is no way mil told her friends about what a cold emotionally unavailable mother she was to her kids...because that is t evident now that the kids are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Good advice. The work circle reference is with a few degrees of separation meaning one of her friends has a friend that became a client. The client is fine but her direct friend is much less polite and friendly up me. It doesn't reLly impact my life. More that I feel it is do unfair for mil to turn people against me with lies. I will kill her with kindness as they say and those that try to pry some gossip from me. I would be so tempted to defend myself if challenged because there is no way mil told her friends about what a cold emotionally unavailable mother she was to her kids...because that is t evident now that the kids are adults.

"That isn't evident now that the kids are adults. No wonder they don't want to spend time with her.

[Anonymous]

OP, trust me, they know the truth. You don't have to say a word.

Gossips are known to have only themselves, in the end.

[Anonymous]

Her friends probably know she has issues. It's got to manifest itself in other relationships, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore MIL, and when you speak to common acquaintances, never criticize your MIL in any way whatsoever, and always be polite.

This is the best way to make them see that the crazy one is MIL.

Been there, done that.

+1. I don't have MIL issues but in general just avoid the drama. You don't have to be all fake kill em with kindness. Just be cordial, and keep it moving. Anyone with sense will figure out your husband is a grown man and if he is being "led" it is a path he is willing to go or there is something with the relationship with the mother why he wanted distance and she is blaming you.

Either way, if someone hears her bad mouthing you and exhibiting her other characteristics that make her unique and then meet you always nice and cordial never a bad word spoken about MIL, anyone with sense will have their doubts about MIL's version of events. If her friends don't have any sense and believe everything without thinking there could be another side to the story ...well nothing you say or do will change their actions and it would make the situation worse to actively try to convince them. Right now MIL has a sense of power by telling her story to her friends very middle school where my enemies have to be your enemies. Don't give her any more power by giving her attention/engaging her for this negative behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, lets' just say I am fairly sure no one believes her.

[Anonymous]

Gambit wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The latter. Don't engage in her drama. Let your husband deal with her.

+1

I have a very dysfunctional family that I have had to cut off completely. So yeah don't' engage in her drama. and who cares if mil's friend give you the cold shoulder F them too. you don't need them.
OR if it is really important that you not look bad in their eyes, or if you do feel you need them for something, you can tell him simply, "If you want to whole truth, you should maybe speak with my husband being as how it's his mother and not mine."

I'm sure your husband will not mind setting the story straight and clearing your good name.

I like you! No, I love you!!!

[Anonymous]

Ha, ha -- husband will be next to useless in "clearing your good name." If he hasn't grown a pair yet, he isn't likely to do it soon. Just be nice. Invite MIL out for lunch once in a while. Let her figure it out. In her mind, she blames it all on you because it is easier than accepting that her son doesn't want to see her.