Does anyone do extended family dinners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:EVERY week? Frankly, I cannot imagine doing this. Every once in awhile, even once a month would be nice, but no way would I commit to extended family dinners every weekend. Your kids are obviously young, OP.

I'm not the OP, but I am the 12:30 PP who has a muti-generational Sunday dinner at my mother-in-law's house every week. I'm surprised you find this so shocking. We leave at 5:30, we are home by 9:15, maybe later if conversation was particularly interesting. Why is it "obvious" that one's kids must be young in order to do this? What do older kids have going on on Sunday evenings that can't be done another time? Not sports, surely? They have all weekend to get their homework done.

So yeah, my kids are young -- they are 6 and 3. The first grader plans his homework schedule so it is finished before we leave. I imagine Sunday dinners getting easier, not harder, as the years pass. The kids won't be as picky with their foods, table manners will improve, no need to keep them entertained with toys while the adults converse, won't feel as guilty about getting them in bed late. Really, it is just a nice, relaxing time with family. A way to recharge for the week ahead. If others have a chance to make this a tradition, I strongly encourage it. I dearly love my mother-in-law. It is through years of dinners that I have become so close to her. Same with the rest of my husband's family.

[Anonymous]

Are you Italian, pp?

[Anonymous]

My in-laws live locally and do weekly Sunday dinners. We attend about once per month. Might increase that once we have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this something that is just totally "old school"? To me it seems normal to still have Sunday dinner with my parents, siblings, their spouses and now the kids we are having. Its just something we do. Of course things come up and sometimes not everyone can make it, but at least 80% of the time its all of us. Especially during football season. We enjoy the time together, its something we were used to from the generation prior even.

But I've met some people lately who have made odd faces when I tell them about my weekend plans- met with lots of probing questions. I don't know what answers they are looking for, some kind of hidden meaning behind it all? - we have to eat, we like each other, 2 birds with one stone.

Well, for some of us, spending a Sunday with the extended family is something that is endured, not necessarily enjoyed. I like getting together with them on occasion, but would not like it every week. As for how others respond to your plans...We have friends (family of 4) who go to her mom's every Sunday. At the beginning of football season, my husband and I would invite them to our house, they'd say "sorry, we're going to mom's for lunch and football," and we'd respond with sympathy (as though it was something they were obligated to do, and surely they'd MUCH rather spend the day with their friends!) Halfway through the season it dawned on me that they actually LIKE spending time with her family. Also, when people get together with extended family, I assume there's something to celebrate so I too might ask you some probing questions.

[Anonymous]

I'm a PP who does these dinners. My kids are young (3 and 5) but like 1:32 I think the dinners will only get better as the kids get older. My kids love seeing the grandparents and aunts, uncles, and cousins every Sunday. The only thing I see changing down the road is timing - the kids go to bed early these days so we tend to go over after nap and stay from 3:30-7. When no one is napping and they can stay up later, we will probably shift the time back a bit. I should add that my family has been doing this for as long as I've been alive and I loved going over to my grandparents' house on Sundays. I had a really close relationship with that set of grandparents and I attribute it largely to these dinners. My husband, who really didn't have anything like this growing up, was somewhat reluctant at first, but has definitely come around to enjoying the dinners as well. One less meal we have to plan/cook per week and the kids are entertained by someone other than us for half a day

[Anonymous]

If we lived in the same area, we would do this (although probably not every weekend).

[Anonymous]

We are expecting our first and my parents are moving to the area. I grew up having dinner with my grandparents and cousins every Sunday. My husband and I were just saying how nice it would be to have a standing dinner once a week with my parents as our family grows.

Sometimes growing up parents even dropped us off at grandma's after church and didn't come back until dinner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you Italian, pp?

I am- but I'm OP. The other people I know who have them regularly though aren't all Italian (I'm excluding family friends bc they wouldn't be a real sample)- one is AA, a couple of them are Latino, one West African, and 2 are just plain old American "muts" (of course just meaning they aren't generationally close to one "old country" anymore)

The kids who are teens and athletes tend to miss more for practices, etc. during their seasons but they still make it much of the time.

[Anonymous]

Is your family Italian? Growing up in NY, that was very common amongst the Italian families. The rest of us had immigrant parents without extended family nearby. I think it sounds like a very nice tradition.

When I lived in San Francisco (a long time ago!) my roommate and I regularly had a dozen or so people over for Sunday night supper and a watching of Sex and the City. It was nice to always look forward to Sunday night.

[Anonymous]

My Afro-Cuban family always have dinners or sometimes brunches (after mass) on Sundays. Over the years I've included my friends who don't have relatives in the DC area. So, it's more like an international UN gathering at my house all the time with all the various dishes from around the world. Everyone always has a great time.

[Anonymous]

We do this. Not every week, but 3 out of 4 weeks usually. My sister, BIL and parents live nearby, my brother is still in college 4hrs away, but comes up every 2mo or so for the weekend.

DH's family is scattered around the country, so is BIL's family. Both of them enjoy our family dinners, they don't come all of the time, but about 75%. About half the time, we have friends come over too, my parents' house was 'home base' for a lot of my and my siblings' friends and that continues even now. If DH or BIL have family visiting, they come as well. It's usually a group of 6-10 people each week.

We grew up moving often and usually far from extended family, so we didn't grow up with family dinners, but we all love them now. It's nice to go somewhere else, but not somewhere where we have to be on our best behavior, DS can be a kid and run around without getting fussed at. My mom loves having a bunch of people to cook for and we always do a full menu, with cocktails and appetizers too. Sometimes my sister or I will bring a dish.

My mom and my sister are my best friends though. We all genuinely like each other and spending time together. We take vacations as a big family too. We're not Italian, just generic white people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:EVERY week? Frankly, I cannot imagine doing this. Every once in awhile, even once a month would be nice, but no way would I commit to extended family dinners every weekend. Your kids are obviously young, OP.

I'm not the OP, but I am the 12:30 PP who has a muti-generational Sunday dinner at my mother-in-law's house every week. I'm surprised you find this so shocking. We leave at 5:30, we are home by 9:15, maybe later if conversation was particularly interesting. Why is it "obvious" that one's kids must be young in order to do this? What do older kids have going on on Sunday evenings that can't be done another time? Not sports, surely? They have all weekend to get their homework done. So yeah, my kids are young -- they are 6 and 3. The first grader plans his homework schedule so it is finished before we leave. I imagine Sunday dinners getting easier, not harder, as the years pass. The kids won't be as picky with their foods, table manners will improve, no need to keep them entertained with toys while the adults converse, won't feel as guilty about getting them in bed late. Really, it is just a nice, relaxing time with family. A way to recharge for the week ahead. If others have a chance to make this a tradition, I strongly encourage it. I dearly love my mother-in-law. It is through years of dinners that I have become so close to her. Same with the rest of my husband's family.

Yeah. Check back with me when yours are 14 and 11, or even 9 and 6, and see if this is still working for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:EVERY week? Frankly, I cannot imagine doing this. Every once in awhile, even once a month would be nice, but no way would I commit to extended family dinners every weekend. Your kids are obviously young, OP.

I'm not the OP, but I am the 12:30 PP who has a muti-generational Sunday dinner at my mother-in-law's house every week. I'm surprised you find this so shocking. We leave at 5:30, we are home by 9:15, maybe later if conversation was particularly interesting. Why is it "obvious" that one's kids must be young in order to do this? What do older kids have going on on Sunday evenings that can't be done another time? Not sports, surely? They have all weekend to get their homework done. So yeah, my kids are young -- they are 6 and 3. The first grader plans his homework schedule so it is finished before we leave. I imagine Sunday dinners getting easier, not harder, as the years pass. The kids won't be as picky with their foods, table manners will improve, no need to keep them entertained with toys while the adults converse, won't feel as guilty about getting them in bed late. Really, it is just a nice, relaxing time with family. A way to recharge for the week ahead. If others have a chance to make this a tradition, I strongly encourage it. I dearly love my mother-in-law. It is through years of dinners that I have become so close to her. Same with the rest of my husband's family.

Yeah. Check back with me when yours are 14 and 11, or even 9 and 6, and see if this is still working for you.

These are probably the kinds of side eyed comments. If you grew up doing it then presumably you would have been 6,9,11, and 14 at some point- no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:EVERY week? Frankly, I cannot imagine doing this. Every once in awhile, even once a month would be nice, but no way would I commit to extended family dinners every weekend. Your kids are obviously young, OP.

I'm not the OP, but I am the 12:30 PP who has a muti-generational Sunday dinner at my mother-in-law's house every week. I'm surprised you find this so shocking. We leave at 5:30, we are home by 9:15, maybe later if conversation was particularly interesting. Why is it "obvious" that one's kids must be young in order to do this? What do older kids have going on on Sunday evenings that can't be done another time? Not sports, surely? They have all weekend to get their homework done. So yeah, my kids are young -- they are 6 and 3. The first grader plans his homework schedule so it is finished before we leave. I imagine Sunday dinners getting easier, not harder, as the years pass. The kids won't be as picky with their foods, table manners will improve, no need to keep them entertained with toys while the adults converse, won't feel as guilty about getting them in bed late. Really, it is just a nice, relaxing time with family. A way to recharge for the week ahead. If others have a chance to make this a tradition, I strongly encourage it. I dearly love my mother-in-law. It is through years of dinners that I have become so close to her. Same with the rest of my husband's family.

Yeah. Check back with me when yours are 14 and 11, or even 9 and 6, and see if this is still working for you.

But why? Why do you think this would be such a problem with older kids?

Someone asked if we are Italian. No, both my husband's family and mine are just boring Midwestern transplants, white. I am Protestant, his family Catholic. Both essentially non-practicing. This is my husband's family tradition. His dad had a high-level political job and his mom worked too, so they couldn't do family dinners during the week. My family, likewise, can't do family dinners every night due to career schedules. Our nice Sunday dinner is something we value very much. After experiencing family deaths, serious illness, I assure you--there is no way we will stop this tradition. It is something we will carry on long after the older generation has passed on.

Also, sometimes we host at our house and I get to use my china, silver and crystal, which I love!