birth plans, moving around during labor - which hospital will support?

[Anonymous]

The support of your OB or midwife is far more important than the hospital. The nurses follow the doctors' orders. It's as simple as that.

[Anonymous]

OP, you start one of your sentences with the line "with all that we know about labor now."

There is no way that I can say this without sounding really mean, but keep this in mind:

Until you've been through it yourself, YOU know absolutely nothing about labor. You can read all you want, poll your friends and medical personnel all you want, make all the decisions that you want at 8 weeks into your pregnancy, etc. etc.

And then you go really do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you start one of your sentences with the line "with all that we know about labor now."

There is no way that I can say this without sounding really mean, but keep this in mind:

Until you've been through it yourself, YOU know absolutely nothing about labor. You can read all you want, poll your friends and medical personnel all you want, make all the decisions that you want at 8 weeks into your pregnancy, etc. etc.

And then you go really do it.

OP here. Goodness, are you kidding me? Sorry for my semantics, I suppose. Yes, that's right, you got me, I've never been in labor, I'm in for some surprises. Mothers who have been there just love to say that. I have never given birth, thus I just don't know squat. (Did I ever say I know everything? No). But you're incorrect saying I don't know anything. That statement is just impossible. Everyone facing birth damn well better make it their business to know something about it so your statement is flat out wrong and is decidedly unhelpful. I haven't been through labor myself, but I still know what most EXPERTS say produces the healthiest and safest births, so pardon me if I think I still have a right to ask a question about how to get it. BTW, prefacing your sentence with "there's no way to say this without sounding really mean" does not lessen how mean you sound. Wow, this is the most unsupportive board I've ever been part of.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you post a question/ comment in a public forum, you have to expect that you're going to get some responses that don't fully support what you think you want to hear. The tone of the previous post may be too blunt for your taste, but the point is still a good one. If you want to spend the next seven months worrying about whether or not you'll be "allowed" to sit a certain way in the heat of the moment, then go right ahead. But most of us who have been there will tell you that this is silly.

So much depends on the nurse(s) who are on duty when you happen to be there, how your labor is progressing, how much pain you can tolerate and other factors that are unknown now and basically out of your control. OB/GYNs and L&D nurses love to tell snicker stories of women (almost always first-timers) who come in with elaborate birth plans about how they want/ expect/ dictate things to unfold, only to be brought back to reality when reality actually hits. Hence the tone of sarcasm in the previous post. Quite frankly, with this attitude, you sound like a bit of a high maintenance PITA.

Take it from someone who actually has been there (twice): enjoy your (very) early pregnancy now, find a doctor you like and trust, and make decisions on things -- medical and otherwise -- as they develop. You don't have to learn it all today or become a self-taught MD to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you start one of your sentences with the line "with all that we know about labor now."

There is no way that I can say this without sounding really mean, but keep this in mind:

Until you've been through it yourself, YOU know absolutely nothing about labor. You can read all you want, poll your friends and medical personnel all you want, make all the decisions that you want at 8 weeks into your pregnancy, etc. etc.

And then you go really do it.

OP here. Goodness, are you kidding me? Sorry for my semantics, I suppose. Yes, that's right, you got me, I've never been in labor, I'm in for some surprises. Mothers who have been there just love to say that. I have never given birth, thus I just don't know squat. (Did I ever say I know everything? No). But you're incorrect saying I don't know anything. That statement is just impossible. Everyone facing birth damn well better make it their business to know something about it so your statement is flat out wrong and is decidedly unhelpful. I haven't been through labor myself, but I still know what most EXPERTS say produces the healthiest and safest births, so pardon me if I think I still have a right to ask a question about how to get it. BTW, prefacing your sentence with "there's no way to say this without sounding really mean" does not lessen how mean you sound. Wow, this is the most unsupportive board I've ever been part of.

OP--I agree with your response to the mean poster, but for you to say this is the most unsupportive board you've ever been part of after all the supportive/helpful messages that have been posted on here is a little silly. Speaking for myself, I've found this thread very helpful and informative, despite the unnecessary "you haven't done it so you don't know anything" comment above.

[Anonymous]

Well, I've been there before, and I don't think it's silly at all. For my first birth, I read a lot, knew what I did and didn't want, was flexible (wanted a natural birth, had to be induced), and was very happy that I felt like an informed partner in my care. OP, good luck to you. BTW, my first birth was at Shady Grove (since I was induced, couldn't go the birth center route as I had planned) and my second will be there in a few weeks, as well.

[Anonymous]

PP here--one more thing--I don't feel I was regarded as a high-maintenance PITA, either. Yeah, I wouldn't say this was an unsupportive thread, but that sure was a condescending post from a two time mom who obviously knows it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you start one of your sentences with the line "with all that we know about labor now."

There is no way that I can say this without sounding really mean, but keep this in mind:

Until you've been through it yourself, YOU know absolutely nothing about labor. You can read all you want, poll your friends and medical personnel all you want, make all the decisions that you want at 8 weeks into your pregnancy, etc. etc.

And then you go really do it.

Before I gave birth a read a lot of this type of advice and now that I have given birth I just have to wonder, are these people bitter because they didn't have the birth experience they wanted?

I read a ton before birth, had a plan, wanted a natural birth, hired a doula, etc. We were surprised by medical issues that required an induction, somewhat early, but still I got to have a medication-free birth and all the preparation paid off. Good to OP for becoming informed and thinking about these issues in advance. Just because things may turn out differently or you might not be able to implement your full plan doesn't mean you shouldn't read up, gather advice, and plan. That attitude makes no sense.

You go, OP!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks and sorry for the blanket criticism, espeically after the many helpful replies. You're right, I overreacted! I just finished reading a few other threads and it seems like people are really into attacking one another on this forum. Some moms just really seem to want to tell other moms exactly how little they know. I couldn't figure out why that mom would have given me such advice -- it was very discouraging. If she was trying to say "go with the flow," point taken, but I had already intended to do that to some extent, but I do think you need to at least have a sense of what's coming and what you might be able to do to make it the best experience it can be. (Agree with immediate PP on this!)

Anyway, PP concerned with my blanket criticism, you are right, many, many of the posts here have been very helpful so I take back with apologies the post about this being an unsupportive board. This thread was very helpful, on balance.

[Anonymous]

Also, regarding the PITA comment, that was just silly. I'm not high-maintenance at all, but if PP thinks I am, that's not really causing me any heartburn. If PP has really done the childbirth thing twice yet still thinks preparing for labor mentally and with questions is not important, then what can I say? Giving birth twice is an amazing feat. PP should be proud of what she's done and I really can understand why someone going through labor twice might feel they have license to grandstand a bit. But I call it like I see it, and I saw her comments as rude. BTW, It's true that I'm in a (very, apparently) early stage of pregnancy, but fortunately, that doesn't make me any less pregnant than you, PP...

In any case, I am still undecided about many of the choices I'll need to make about my labor. I intend to draw up a few birth "preferences," and one of those preferences would be aimed towards as natural childbirth as I can have. If I need help for a healthy baby, whether drugs, epidural, induction, or an emergency c-section, I know it won't be because I failed to prepare and educate myself.

OF course, even if I prepare my heart out, I know despite my best efforts I'm in for some surprises. I'm actually A-OK with that. I'm actually not afraid of labor. I always thought I would be, but I'm not. I just keep telling myself that every one of us on earth has a mom who has done it, many of them twice, like PP and others. I have yet to hear anyone say they regret giving birth, though I do hear some people saying both that they wish they would have prepared more and others say that they wish they'd have been a bit more relaxed and less worried about things going as planned. I hope to split the difference. Prepare, and then do my best, but ultimately, accept that birth is not a one-person deal. I have a great OB who i trust, the more I see of him the more I trust him, and the more I think he gets to understand my needs, the better. We talked about genetic counseling at last week's appointment and, although I am over 35, I don't want it. I expected more of a push-back from him, but he seemed pleased, and said unless I was planning to terminate, he thinks it would just be an added stress. That's my position exactly, and I didn't even have to fight for it.

Anyway, in case any of 2-time mom's comments were truly aimed at alleviating my worries, I'm definitely NOT going to spend 7 months of my pregnancy worrying about what position I'm going to be allowed to be in. For one thing, I've taken the time to ask the question here and also of my OB, so I already have the answer. Doesn't that make sense? Or am I just getting way too far ahead of myself?

[Anonymous]

I delivered at Holy Cross recently and they followed my birth plan. I was only in the bed for the 15 minutes before she was born.

The nurses were giving me a hard time about my birth plan. They were saying that it wasn't approved and I wouldn't be able to be off the monitors. Then the doctor walked in the room and suggested monitoring 15 minutes of every hour and a heplock so I could get in the shower if I wanted. I had never met the doctor before and I really give him a lot of credit for having the birth that I wanted, that and showing up in active labor. I waited until I was 6-7cm before heading to the hospital and only spent about and hour and half there before she was born. I was planning on hands and knees for delivery, but there was not enough of a break between contractions to actually turn over. I made it to a side lying position and just ignored them when they were asking me to put my feet in the stirrups.

I would also kindly recommend looking into your doula options. She was SO helpful in getting through the contractions, dealing with the nurses and giving my partner direction.