Would you be annoyed? Christmas gift/family drama.

[Anonymous]

Yes I'd be annoyed. Not because he wanted to give the gift when you all were together, but because he didn't say that and now you have nothing. If you don't have time to shop, is there anything she would like on Groupon, like a massage?

[Anonymous]

Of all the petty bullshit. Just tell her that you and brother went in on something that she will be presented with later in the week. She'll probably appreciate the sibling cooperation moreso than any gadget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I'd be annoyed. Not because he wanted to give the gift when you all were together, but because he didn't say that and now you have nothing. If you don't have time to shop, is there anything she would like on Groupon, like a massage?

She is a grown woman! Why does OP have to SOMETHING to give her mother other than a card saying "Your gift is on its way..." Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy gifts seperately from now on. He was probably annoyed that you wanted to hand over a gift he contributed to, so he beat you to it.

OP here, like I said, if he wanted to wait until he got here, he should have told me instead of telling me he would send it down with her. Also, we got a similar joint gift for my dad who is staying up there for Christmas and they gave it to him last night without telling me about it. I know in this case I couldn't have been there but maybe we could have Skyped.

It's obvious that joint presentation of gifts is not working and that's why your brother is being passive-aggressive. As others have said, maybe it is time to do separate gifts.

[Anonymous]

This post and the responses make me sad -- because were I in OP's shoes, my mother would make a federal case of this: she is not a grown up, never has been, never will be. It's all about her, all the time. For those of you who are blessed with parents who are able to sit back and enjoy others (including children) open presents and enjoy the gift of anticipation and who would understand a situation like this, I envy you and am at once happy for you. I know I am lucky to have a mother who's alive, but gosh, at the holidays, with all the anger and hatred she has towards us (her children and spouse) and the world generally, it's sometimes hard to focus on the good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't have time to go to the mall, that's part of the annoyance. If I had known ahead of time, I would have gone to the mall this past weekend but I'm working a full day today, then we are having dinner at the in laws. Mom may not care to have to wait till brother gets here but I will feel bad watching her sit there with no gift while the rest of us open ours tomorrow.

I don't plan on mentioning this to my brother when he arrives. I already emailed them about it, that's enough.

Is your husband working all day?

Send him to the mall with a list and tell him to pick an item from it.

Wives do this kind of last minute shopping all the time for their in laws.

That is what spouses do for each other.

The brother thing? Not such a big deal in the grand theme of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses make me sad -- because were I in OP's shoes, my mother would make a federal case of this: she is not a grown up, never has been, never will be. It's all about her, all the time. For those of you who are blessed with parents who are able to sit back and enjoy others (including children) open presents and enjoy the gift of anticipation and who would understand a situation like this, I envy you and am at once happy for you. I know I am lucky to have a mother who's alive, but gosh, at the holidays, with all the anger and hatred she has towards us (her children and spouse) and the world generally, it's sometimes hard to focus on the good.

OP here. My mom is not as bad as this but I kind of understand where you are coming from. Mom is not a child but she definitely acts like it sometimes. Even if she outwardly says it is ok, I know she will feel a little hurt watching everyone else open their gifts. And even if she was 100% okay with it, I would STILL feel bad. In my family, you have a present for everyone, adults included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't have time to go to the mall, that's part of the annoyance. If I had known ahead of time, I would have gone to the mall this past weekend but I'm working a full day today, then we are having dinner at the in laws. Mom may not care to have to wait till brother gets here but I will feel bad watching her sit there with no gift while the rest of us open ours tomorrow.

I don't plan on mentioning this to my brother when he arrives. I already emailed them about it, that's enough.

Is your husband working all day?

Send him to the mall with a list and tell him to pick an item from it.

Wives do this kind of last minute shopping all the time for their in laws.

That is what spouses do for each other.

The brother thing? Not such a big deal in the grand theme of things.

Unfortunately husband is also working all day (and probably later than "all day") so this isn't an option for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't have time to go to the mall, that's part of the annoyance. If I had known ahead of time, I would have gone to the mall this past weekend but I'm working a full day today, then we are having dinner at the in laws. Mom may not care to have to wait till brother gets here but I will feel bad watching her sit there with no gift while the rest of us open ours tomorrow.

I don't plan on mentioning this to my brother when he arrives. I already emailed them about it, that's enough.

Is your husband working all day?

Send him to the mall with a list and tell him to pick an item from it.

Wives do this kind of last minute shopping all the time for their in laws.

That is what spouses do for each other.

The brother thing? Not such a big deal in the grand theme of things.

Unfortunately husband is also working all day (and probably later than "all day") so this isn't an option for us.

No lunch break for either of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't have time to go to the mall, that's part of the annoyance. If I had known ahead of time, I would have gone to the mall this past weekend but I'm working a full day today, then we are having dinner at the in laws. Mom may not care to have to wait till brother gets here but I will feel bad watching her sit there with no gift while the rest of us open ours tomorrow.

I don't plan on mentioning this to my brother when he arrives. I already emailed them about it, that's enough.

Is your husband working all day?

Send him to the mall with a list and tell him to pick an item from it.

Wives do this kind of last minute shopping all the time for their in laws.

That is what spouses do for each other.

The brother thing? Not such a big deal in the grand theme of things.

Unfortunately husband is also working all day (and probably later than "all day") so this isn't an option for us.

No lunch break for either of you?

Order something online from a store that has in store pick up.

Swing by on your way home from work.

You are on dcum right now. Are you at work or home? If you have time and ability to be on this site you have the time and ability to online shop.

Try to make this easy for yourself instead of coming up with reasons why this needs to be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't have time to go to the mall, that's part of the annoyance. If I had known ahead of time, I would have gone to the mall this past weekend but I'm working a full day today, then we are having dinner at the in laws. Mom may not care to have to wait till brother gets here but I will feel bad watching her sit there with no gift while the rest of us open ours tomorrow.

I don't plan on mentioning this to my brother when he arrives. I already emailed them about it, that's enough.

Is your husband working all day?

Send him to the mall with a list and tell him to pick an item from it.

Wives do this kind of last minute shopping all the time for their in laws.

That is what spouses do for each other.

The brother thing? Not such a big deal in the grand theme of things.

Unfortunately husband is also working all day (and probably later than "all day") so this isn't an option for us.

No lunch break for either of you?

Order something online from a store that has in store pick up.

Swing by on your way home from work.

You are on dcum right now. Are you at work or home? If you have time and ability to be on this site you have the time and ability to online shop.

Try to make this easy for yourself instead of coming up with reasons why this needs to be difficult.

Although your tone was a little snarky, this is actually a good idea and one I had not thought of myself. I do have the ability to online shop but was thinking everything would at least need overnight shipping. And no, can't go out on my lunch break. Not that kind of work environment.

[Anonymous]

Group gifts never work out. I would buy a group gift and one of my siblings would never pay me back. She is a super cheap person. It would burn me up so no more group gifts.

[Anonymous]

Amazon.com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses make me sad -- because were I in OP's shoes, my mother would make a federal case of this: she is not a grown up, never has been, never will be. It's all about her, all the time. For those of you who are blessed with parents who are able to sit back and enjoy others (including children) open presents and enjoy the gift of anticipation and who would understand a situation like this, I envy you and am at once happy for you. I know I am lucky to have a mother who's alive, but gosh, at the holidays, with all the anger and hatred she has towards us (her children and spouse) and the world generally, it's sometimes hard to focus on the good.

OP here. My mom is not as bad as this but I kind of understand where you are coming from. Mom is not a child but she definitely acts like it sometimes. Even if she outwardly says it is ok, I know she will feel a little hurt watching everyone else open their gifts. And even if she was 100% okay with it, I would STILL feel bad. In my family, you have a present for everyone, adults included.

Suck it up for this year and no more group gifts, ever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Group gifts never work out. I would buy a group gift and one of my siblings would never pay me back. She is a super cheap person. It would burn me up so no more group gifts.

Burned by my BIL, who never chipped in, but basked in the glow of his fucking mother's profuse appreciation. No more group gifts, ever!