Weathering the storm...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long-time married, here, and very much in love with each other still…

fyi we definitely had a rough patch when kids were born and little; soooo hard. It will get better. (if you can afford it, get a cleaning service 1x week or every other week)

I heard the BEST piece of advice: "Make your husband want to come home." It changed our marriage.

I realized that the second my DH walked in, I was giving him the second shift. I had the honey-do list…I was no fun--we were no fun--to come home to. He'd probably have a little more peace if he stayed at the office later, since the office hours were over and he could zone out...

Small example: In my particular situation, I have a DH who hates home repair and of course I had a pile of home repair items. After hearing that advice I did the home repair myself or hired someone. Money well spent. DH hasn't seen the inside of Home Depot in YEARS now.

I just started thinking about what environment would make him long to leave his very interesting job and come home, and I started changing our home, and me. It's hard because you're tired and all that, and feels a bit unfair, and it takes a while to take effect, but it does work. He's told me so! Ha! He got into a habit of calling and saying, "I could do x y and z, or I could come home…" just waiting for me to say, "oh! come on home! you know I love seeing you, and if you have to bring a little work home with you, I'll give you your space." I think that phone call is sort of testing the waters, to see that I'm really that oasis from his job (instead of the grouchy wife).

Good luck, OP (and I'm glad you realize you're just in the thick of the storm. Hold Fast!)

This. For me, it's rubbing my husbands back when he walks into the kitchen when he comes home. He often does the same to me. It's really amazing what non-sexual physical affection does. We melt and it relieves stress.
I've been I. The bitchy-wife rut before. And he's been in the asshole hubby rut. Just step back and realize that isn't who you truly are. Remember what you want to be like, and try each day.

[Anonymous]

Or walk out. That's what my husband just did this week. Three kids (14, 11, 8) and a wife. Guess it just got too hard.

[Anonymous]

I"m sorry, but I feel the need to point this out: you have 4 small children, are a full-time college student, and your husband is the sole support for a family of 6!! This has to be hard. I realize the kids are here now, but I'm not sure how you didn't consider that this would be really difficult, especially at your ages. I am sure you are both feelling under a lot of pressure, so teh best advice I coud give is to try and be kind to each other, and appreciate what the other is doing. Teh good news is that if you make it through, your kids will be grown and you all will still be young enough to enjoy life together. Good luck.