10 year old who is constantly disruptive

[Anonymous]

I'm not advocating medication because I don't think this sounds like ADHD. What are his activities? You sound like a bad match personality wise. He needs afterschool activities and weekend activities. Sign him up for them. You say you limit electronics severely. Why? There is a trade off if you want him out of your hair.

Also, you have a family dynamic in which you have twin sons who are going to entertain and interact with each other and be a unit. I have twins as well. It's not fair to compare their dynamic to an only and he is always going to seem needy in comparison. Help him, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am almost certain my 10-year old son has ADHD. He is driving us all crazy. he is constantly disruptive and can't seem to settle down and play on his own. He is either talking to me incessantly, bothering his two younger siblings, or whining or causing other disruptions. He is very smart and will read at night for a couple of hours, but that is the only time he is not getting on everyone's nerves. he is also okay when he has a friend over to play. It is hard for me to function. I can't even make a grocery list without dealing with disruptions or interruptions from him every one to five minutes. I do not believe in medication. Does anyone have any good suggestions to get him to calm down and stop seeking attention constantly? I need some peace around here.

Gee, you think your kid has a real problem and you expect us to have anything better to say than "talk to your doctor"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ITA about not jumping on the 'I will never medicate' train op. You'd better be open to it if it's the only way for your child to live a productive life.

"I don't believe in medication" is not the same as "I don't believe in seeking professional help."

[Anonymous]

Sounds just like my 8 yr old son who was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Especially the excessive talking. If he annoys you, he most likely is annoying others too so I would make an appt. with the doctor and go from there. If he does have ADHD, there are alternatives to medication so don't let that stop you from getting him evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds just like my 8 yr old son who was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Especially the excessive talking. If he annoys you, he most likely is annoying others too so I would make an appt. with the doctor and go from there. If he does have ADHD, there are alternatives to medication so don't let that stop you from getting him evaluated.

My cousin also who wasn't diagnosed until he was an adult. Too bad. By then his relationship with his family was nil. They did not like him and he did not like them.

[Anonymous]

Op here - He is not perfect at school. He does interrupt the teacher a lot and talk a lot, but he never gets sent to the office or anything. he can be a pest at recess but so can a lot of the other boys at school - taking other kids' hats off, etc.

I agree we have a personality conflict. I also think his personality is not going to change - i.e., the excessive talking. I think this is who he is. I also think I am who I am.

As for the disruptions, we will all be watching a movie and he talks and interupts, etc. This drives me crazy. "Be quiet" so we can all watch! The more I say be quiet, the more annoying he is. It is a vicious cycle.

[Anonymous]

The excessive talking, being disruptive, etc can be a manifestation of ADHD not his personality. You are doing him and everyone else a disservice by not getting an evaluation and treatment.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever considered that his need for more of your undivided attention could be why he is always badgering, interrupting, etc? Trying to get said attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - He is not perfect at school. He does interrupt the teacher a lot and talk a lot, but he never gets sent to the office or anything. he can be a pest at recess but so can a lot of the other boys at school - taking other kids' hats off, etc.

I agree we have a personality conflict. I also think his personality is not going to change - i.e., the excessive talking. I think this is who he is. I also think I am who I am.

As for the disruptions, we will all be watching a movie and he talks and interupts, etc. This drives me crazy. "Be quiet" so we can all watch! The more I say be quiet, the more annoying he is. It is a vicious cycle.

I would talk to your pediatrician and have him tested to see if he has ADHD or something else. Just haing him tested and getting (or not getting) a diagnoses does not mean you have to medicate. It means you will KNOW if he has ADHD and not do things based onn your speculation. Not every child diagnosed with ADHD gets medicated.

[Anonymous]

A pediatrician should not evaluate for ADHD or medicate for that matter.

OP, to assess for ADHD, you need to go to a psychologist, developmental pediatrician, or child psychologist. Assessments don't come cheap and usually medication isn't the first step. More than likely whomever you see will recommend behavioral therapy. (This might be a good idea whether he is or isn't ADHD.)

ADHD will affect all aspects of his life. Being talkative can be a sign or it could just be the way he is.

I would also suggest a parenting class for you regardless. It will help you manage your expectations and shape his behavior so you're not having constant conflict. (His badgering/whining may be a sign that he's looking for more attention, which with 3 kids can be very difficult. Does he have a friend that he can have over for a play date once in a while. If his younger brothers play more exclusively with each other, it can be a little lonely for him.)

[Anonymous]

Should have added that medication isn't a magic bullet. I don't know anyone that gives medication w/o doing some other form of therapy. It usually wears off by the end of the day, so the greatest benefits would (and should) be seen at school vs. home.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry to say this but your post is breaking my heart. You are absolutely opposed to medication even if your child has a treatable medical condition? He may not have ADHD -- you should absolutely get him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician -- but if he does, and you withhold medical treatment, you are doing him a huge disservice. he won't get these years back. Kids with untreated ADHD have higher rates of substance abuse, are more likely to get in trouble with the law, there's a long list. I am NOT saying all kids with ADHD need to be on medication. But you need to educate yourself because there's a lot of ignorance in your post about these meds.

My DS could keep it together at school and melted down completely when he came home, every day. Once we finally treated his ADHD he became much happier. he had really been miserable, working so hard just to keep up. Life is harder for these kids. Do you want that for your son?

[Anonymous]

Your child needs medication.

Pretending he doesn't, does not make the problem go away.

Admitting he does is not a failing on your part as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your child needs medication.

Pretending he doesn't, does not make the problem go away.

Admitting he does is not a failing on your part as a parent.

Oh, give me a break. OP's views on medication doesn't make her a bad parent. Her kid hasn't actually been diagnosed with anything at this point, so who knows what is at the root of the issues she's having. Medicating a kid who isn't ADHD would be the true failing.

Let OP figure out what she needs to do by actually giving her constructive advice.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like he's used to being entertained. When my kid told me he was bored, I said "ok", and continued whatever I was doing, and he walked away and found something to do.

A kid's boredom is not our job to jump up and buy more junk. They need to understand it's ok to be quiet a few minutes and do nothing. If you allow him to do that long enough, he'll eventually figure out something to do.

Right now he knows how to press your buttons, OP.