Past The Breaking Point?

[Anonymous]

You need to get out of this relationship. To figure out how you're going to do that, you need to see a therapist. I would also recommend Al-Anon, those groups are great for just providing a safe space to start to figure out how to handle the nuttiness of living with an addict.

[Anonymous]

So sorry this is all happening to your right now OP.

Like the title of your posting says, I seriously think last night you most definitely reached your breaking point.

I think hitting your head involuntarily was a culmination of many occasions of dealing w/all the stresses in your marriage.

You mentioned that previously, counseling didn't help. Did you not have the right counselor perhaps? Sometimes you need to seek someone different after a while if things are not getting better. It may not have been a good match.

Or how about individual counseling?

It sounds like you could benefit from individual counseling for yourself on how you can deal w/this marriage and all it's issues, etc. while your husband should get his own individual counseling to deal w/his addiction, anger and blame issues.

Other than counseling, I do not see any other solution to this problem.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Has he ever gone to counseling? It sounds like maybe there were family issues - maybe trauma? It sounds too like he is either using exercise as a way to keep from drinking and turning that into an addiction of its own, or he is doing both.

This doesn't sound like someone that doesn't want to spend time with you, this sounds like someone who has poor mental health and who uses very unhealthy coping strategies to manage his emotional and mental self. He sounds unwell. He sounds like if he stopped exercising his life would unravel or he would fall apart or develop a new addiction. It sounds like he is very much not okay with who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he ever gone to counseling? It sounds like maybe there were family issues - maybe trauma? It sounds too like he is either using exercise as a way to keep from drinking and turning that into an addiction of its own, or he is doing both.

This doesn't sound like someone that doesn't want to spend time with you, this sounds like someone who has poor mental health and who uses very unhealthy coping strategies to manage his emotional and mental self. He sounds unwell. He sounds like if he stopped exercising his life would unravel or he would fall apart or develop a new addiction. It sounds like he is very much not okay with who he is.

OP here. I agree. Except at some point I have to preserve the kids. And me so they have a mom. I did get him to go to individual counseling some years ago. But, since neither of them knew why he was there, they ended up talking about how to handle difficult people at work. You can't help someone who will not admit they are not perfect and that their lives have not been perfect.

I don't know what to do. Everyone seems to think somehow if I stay strong there will be some kind of breakthrough because of all the effort. I am starting to think sometimes all the effort is just a lot of wasted effort. I've got 17 years into this thing and it seems like I'll keep riding the up and down loop until it kills me. My youngest is 8, and I don't really relish the idea of a broken home, but at some point that may be the best alternative.