DH told me he is depressed; what do I do now?

[Anonymous]

OP, I second PPs two important pieces of advice. I also want to say, and I know this sounds harsh, but please don't let your DH pick up on how you are acting in this thread. It will only bring him down further, cause him stress because now he has to balance the "getting himself better" and "making sure you are happy" and that can be REALLY tough when you are trying to treat depression. Both DH and I have been depressed at different points in our marriage. It took a couple of months for both of us to get to a point where we could figure out what was going on, and then we shared with each other. In both instances, it had nothing to do with the marriage or family life.

When DH was seeking treatment (had been depressed for awhile but went into a tailspin on a weekend away with his guy friends when he admitted he didn't enjoy himself at all because he couldn't pull himself out of the funk) I was convinced it had to do with our marriage and that we were headed for divorce. And I harped on it. And DH picked it up and it really hindered his therapy. Once DH got to the bottom of his issues (grew up with parents who were yellers and screamers) he was more open about it with me. Our marriage hadn't suffered before he sought treatment, but it has greatly improved since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I second PPs two important pieces of advice. I also want to say, and I know this sounds harsh, but please don't let your DH pick up on how you are acting in this thread. It will only bring him down further, cause him stress because now he has to balance the "getting himself better" and "making sure you are happy" and that can be REALLY tough when you are trying to treat depression. Both DH and I have been depressed at different points in our marriage. It took a couple of months for both of us to get to a point where we could figure out what was going on, and then we shared with each other. In both instances, it had nothing to do with the marriage or family life.

When DH was seeking treatment (had been depressed for awhile but went into a tailspin on a weekend away with his guy friends when he admitted he didn't enjoy himself at all because he couldn't pull himself out of the funk) I was convinced it had to do with our marriage and that we were headed for divorce. And I harped on it. And DH picked it up and it really hindered his therapy. Once DH got to the bottom of his issues (grew up with parents who were yellers and screamers) he was more open about it with me. Our marriage hadn't suffered before he sought treatment, but it has greatly improved since then.

OP here. I get that. I had that initial reaction when we were discussing this at first, but I've let it go. I know he will be focused on making sure I am happy, and that's not necessary right now.